FAB & GLAM PART 9 - DOES IT GET BETTER NOW!!

[macdoodle]

Started new thread guys as needed to post and old one wouldnt let me - sorry if name is bit miserable but thats how am feeling !

The police have just left
It all went tits up tonight - H found out/suspected about NM and lost it completely - was physically abusive and took my phone - best friend called the police!
Has been a hell of a night - long statement - excellent police man - who says should have called them a long time ago - gonna get the domestic violence team to ring me tomorrow - he will be arrested and probably cautioned - he seems really worried it will escalate - has put a marker on the phone for an immediate response, has adviced me to change the locks and go away for a bit if I can, and they will look at putting an alarm in the house
There is still a part of me that feels I am over reacting/is all my fault - even though an experienced police oficer is not happy about the situation!
What a mess my life has turned into

Hi everyone, still here but trying to be good at work and WORK instead of MNing!

Lilybubble, good to hear from you after so long and especially good that you're enjoying life . Enjoy your dates!

Dior - what plans for your 10th? Good to know H is planning something. And quite frankly, how many of us have the figure we had 20 years ago? I found some old pics of me yesterday, and couldn't believe them - look, no hips and not much bust either! Did I really look that thin in 1989 because I sure as hell didn't FEEL that thin!

Things here not bad - DP has his ups and downs but generally we're getting on quite well, especially since I'm learning how to deal with him and not let him get to me with his moods. The only pity is, he's not doing his usual summer tour as he's hoping to get a 'real' job at the library - DD and I enjoyed having our girly summers, but not this year and maybe not ever again. Oh well... maybe I should just look forward to sitting in the garden with him on summer evenings instead...

LL I had to stop myself saying something on that thread (the red mist was rising LOL)

I liked the comment about F & Gs being "less sanctimonious"

I have been de-escalating myself

everyone gets so heated dont they?

Back to real friends .

Loving the weather too - hope it last at least until the weekend.

For mothers day my DC are planning a meal for me. Cant wait - i am trying to steer them to dishes that will not require a lot of clearing up after as i dont think they quite understand the concept of clearing away after themselves.

Dior i got married 20years ago and i didnt feel as thin as i must have been - i really do think my dress has shrunk - despite not ever being washed.

Got out lots of photos at the weekend - and i actually look a lot thinner on many of them than i ever felt - except the ones where i was pregnant.

Bloody hell - remind me never to venture away from this thread again. They are savages out there . MN at its worst
I have been indoors with a poorly ds2 today and he wanted me to sit with him so I got out the laptop and thought I'd just have a quick look on here. Wasn't a pleasant experience. I should have just played MahJong all day
Know what you mean about being younger and thinner. I have never been happy about the way I look, but I look at old photos and think I was actually quite attractive back then even though at the time the photo was taken I was convinced I was a complete minger.
Hey Tannee - glad you and DP are getting on well. Shame about the girly summer but long summer evenings in the garden are wonderful too. I am loving this weather - it really lifts the mood (despite the stroppy threads on here!)

hopefully Mcd will retreat here too - she too has been flamed.

Depth breaths everyone - it is only a virtual argument after all so its not real.

yuk what a horrid thread
Hi all hope everyone is ok will be back soon for catch up

Not entirely sure what I did to get the wrath poured on me like that obviously we are no longer allowed to have different viewpoints on MN anymore - hope they dont follow us here

and who would dare say anything to strangers in RL now? Its a scary world out there and i have made mental note to self to not strike up potential risky topics with anyone i dont know really well.

MacD I hope you locked the door when you came in

Bloody hell its getting worse over there I am staying here with you lot where its safe - that sweet type person seems to have lost the plot completely

Would that be the one who said she was leaving the thread (I got excited) then er didn't?

WHAT thread?

it was titled - i slapped the ow and now feel i have closure.

It really did get very childish and i think the people who really take the very high ground are those who have never been put in an situation like it before - either infedility or any kind of anger or violent situation. Sad really, its the complexities of human nature and the continual learning that i find so facinating.
I do have a pov but i hope i can also see that in some circumstances almost anything could happen.
Never say never i say. I hate to think i already know myself well enough to know how i would react in EVERY situation.
I am pretty sure i could have an affair if say the window cleaner just happened to be John Travolta for instance.

Oh just off for a cold shower now - and then off to work anyway so wont get drawn into anymore petty threads today.

Have a great day everyone - still sunny here so feeling good.

I can't believe that thread is still going on. I thought it had died a death last night.
Clearly we have all been misguided. When we found out about our OH's affairs, we should have just told them to leave, and shook the OW's hand and wished them well and sent them off into the sunset together. We didn't own them after all
FFS!!!!!

(sigh) I went there in the end Ginny, bloody thread just wouldnt go away I should have hidden it reallly.

Luckily I stepped back from the comment "I know a lot of OW who deeply regret ever being OW, but no, I don't think guilt is one of the regrets" (real classy friends)that was where I really saw red...

Who knows where life will take you, I hope I will never disrespect another person enough to be the OW, but if I did the very least I would feel would be guilt.

That got to me Wily - unbelievable.
I have been in the situation where I was friends with a guy who I really fancied liked and he was with someone who was a complete cow to him. We used to chat about our relationships and our problems and during one (drunken) conversation we both admitted to each other that if things had been different we probably would have got together. My heart did a little flip but I felt guilty even for having that conversation with him when I remembered it the next morning. I try to avoid them whenever I can now because I feel disloyal just being in a room with him after that one conversation.
God only knows how bad I'd feel if God Forbid anything had happened. I really would have hated myself.
Sad though that so many little slappers out there just don't care and go for it anyway.

Just because youre in a relationship it doesnt stop you occasionally thinking "ohhh" about another man...god im married not dead

But ultimately you have to live with the decisions you make and their repercussions dont you? I am far too much of a brooder to treat someone badly and not care.

I find it strange that on MN that sometimes someone who is obviously troubled posts and the wolves just pounce. They are so busy putting "their point" across that they actually, in my opinion, behave far worse than the OP...I always feel like "some empathy here wouldnt go amiss here folks"

Not saying its right to go thumping the OW or whatever, but I can understand it...I have felt like it.

I wonder if these people are so judgemental in RL. Its very easy to take the moral highground on an internet forum when nobody 'knows' you. Still that's why I prefer this site to the other more fluffy ones - its certainly more entertaining!
I can see trouble ahead. We got a call last night to say DP's Mum is dying. She is in a hospice and it won't be long now. He's gone up there today to see her. I can see him heading towards the bottle again, he can't cope with it all, and although I feel for him I'm terrified he'll go back on it. How selfish of me his Mum is going to die and all I can think of is how it will affect me if he hits the skids again.

Ginnny - so sorry to hear about DPs mum I can understand your worries too. No you're not being selfish. You might be if you didn't consider that she was dying and that is the main issue - but you have considered it. Having just got through a difficult patch with dp I can understand you worrying about anything that might trigger a relapse with his drinking.

Now back to that thread. I totally agree with you Ginnny and Wilywombat and that comment about ow not feeling guilty.........well that was when I had to go and de-escalate. What a stupid woman. I have to confess to doing a little background search and I note that she has upset a few mners in the past. She made a big deal about one mner's spelling ffs.

Ginny sorry to hear about your OHs Mum..I dont think you need to beat yourself up about thinking that, im sure the same thing would cross most peoples minds (I know id think it in the same situation) You are worried about her and knock on effect it will have on your OH and therefore you, it is only natural.

The nice thing about F&G is you can let off steam, admit to it and we arent about to kick you to the floor for it fgs dont put it in AIBU will you though or the nutters will be out in force.

Maybe MN brings out the worst in some people but you know im starting to think that in RL people really dont say what they mean...it has made me look at people more closely and you can see sometimes when they want to say something but dont.

I did always wonder where all these angry people on MN were in real life but last week one of the mums in the playground had a complete meltdown "how dare they be so late out and keep the parents waiting" in the playground (they were 10 minutes late). I was a little amazed as I didnt know she cared about punctuality...they are late to school every day, whenever we have gone in to help she is always the Mum we have to wait for! One of those moments where I had a wry giggle to myself on the way home.

Im sure some of the posters who habitually upset people on here are probably quite socally inept in RL.

I always get annoyed when the "clever" people point out grammar/spelling mistakes sometimes ive even said "yes you are right but its not nice is it" Ive only done it if the spelling/typo means something different in a humorous way.

God its like being back at school sometimes isnt it?

ginny - sorry about dp mum - it is a hard time - try and remember that he may have the odd slip back it doesnt mean the end of all his good work.

I have been on that thread again - my spelling and grammar are terrible so hopefully that will add fuel to the fire.
And i have a masters degree too.

I think the dreadful thing is i can see everyones pov - i too could have so easily been the ow and i too think violence is wrong but i can also see that the anger does come out in different people in different ways.

I think anyone that chooses to stay or leave an unfaithful partner deserves our support - but maybe i am being too old fashioned there too.

I really hate the people who say - DO THIS or DO THAT, the people that have been through it may give advice but they seem less judgemental imo.

maybe the ones who do upset others on here have a lot of pent up anger and would benifit from giving someone a good slap.

oh of course not far too common - better to give them a virtual slagging off instead.

How are you mcd?