'The Other Woman'....

[TheOtherWoman]

Is there anyone else out there that's a mistress? And is quite happy just being 'the other woman'?

Before anyone says anything, i'm not a troll, i'm a regular that changed their name to protect myself.

I'm a single mum, and have been seeing a lovely bloke on and off for the past five years, and he is my childrens father. I'm under no illusions - he's not going to leave his wife and kids, and i don't want him to. I wouldn;t ask nor expect him to. We've tried several times to end our relationship, but we keep coming back to each other - it's like a moth to a flame.

So, are there any other happy mistresses out there?

Slighty different circs, but still a monumental fall out similar to the scale that yours could be...

My mum & dad had three children, after I was born he has a vasectomy [largely against his wishes, but mum didn't want anymore children] they divorced when I was 6.

Dad married C. C wanted children. Dad had a reversal. C got pregnant & had A. Then she had T, then she had P.

While pregnant with P C confided in dad that he may not be the father of any of thie children. They had tests & A & T were confirmed as not being his, so high chance that P isn't either. But Dad was happy to raise [and keep raising them] them as his own. 6 weeks after P was born, C died from a bloot clot on the lung, Before she had a chance to tell dad who their fathers were.

Dad confided in a new girlfriend a few years down the line, that A,T & P weren't his, loud mouth girlfriend told A a few years ago. A told T & P. Dad had all intentions to tell, but she beat him to it.

A,T & P now know they aren't dad's & that they aren't really our sisters [even tho we all still class them as they are].

But A,T & P have NO idea who their fathers are. All they know is that they don't share the same father. 3 adults...22, 20 & 18 have no idea where they come from or if they have any other siblings.

So, in their minds, they have no mother now & now no father...to say they are messed up is an understatement!

How would your childen cope if you were to pass away & they suddenly found out they weren't your Ex's....and no one could tell who their father was?

My goodness I find myself agreeing with Xenia

My grandad had 5 kids with his wife but had another family nearby and had another 5 kids with the mistress. His wife found out but didn't leave him and didn't tell the kids. My mum found out about this years later when her dad had died. She found out by chance when chatting to a customer in the shop she worked in. Customer didn't know she didn't know. Turns out her brother had sat next to one of his 'half siblings' at school (other woman took grandad's unusual surname). Mum has never contacted the other family and hasn't had a chance to talk to her father about it.

I don't think that it would be easy to tell the children - in fact, that's a large part of what I'm saying - that TheOtherWoman may be happy now, but that she is in an incredibly difficult position long term as the children are very likely to guess that there is something being kept from them, or something not quite right about their family. Most (all?) children in their position do. And then all Hell will break loose.

xenia - i'm sure I read a case in the news a while ago about a man who tried to sue for child maintenence he paid for children that weren't his.

OW - would also like to say, watch your back with the mother/grandmother. They might like you now when you have no claim on their beloved son/grandson but suspect they could turn at any moment. They sound like a pair of vipers.

i think he won too. So beware of posting things like this on the internet in case people suffer in subsequent court action.

The great - yes it's much more common than people let on.

People used not to tell children they were adopted or had a sperm donor father but I think the best thinking nowadays is it's best to know. My sister told her twins right from the start they were conceived by donor sperm and they seem happy with that as it's the norm for them.

This cannot be true. Surely this is a storyline from Eastenders? How can anyone want to live their life like this?

I also used to work with a kidney donor unit, there were quite a few circumstances where men came to see if they were a match for their child and didn't know they weren't the father. They weren't told by the hospital.

In reply to the OP's additional info, do you think you somehow have a 'claim' because you met him first? Often find with affairs people think their situations are 'different' and the cliches don't apply. Unfortunately they often do. 'Man wants bit on side with no responsibilities?' Sounds a familiar one here.

the great I can understand them not saying anything.
I was thinking more from the ops position if your child is dying and in need of a donor and the 'father' isn't a match what do you do when you know there is a man out there is has a higher chance of saving your child life.

We shouldn 't frighten people away though in this position because it is very very common. It's just that most women aren't happy to admit they have affairs or that they aer the other women and you can see why.

Bit on the side no responsibilites - plenty of men and women want that. Plenty of others do take on responsibility, see the second family, buy the flat they live in, pay money. Some are very caring of both families and responsible for both but that doesn't make it right. I think most Muslim men who have two wives keep them both and usually they live in separate flats/houses. Certainly there are cultures where monogamy is not the norm and even a few where women have two husbands.

People used not to tell children that they were adopted or conceived by sperm donor, but in those situations at least the legal father knew about it! The OP's ex husband thinks he has 2 biological children and he doesn't!

How would any of you feel if that happened to you?

He may of course be happy to still be involved in their upbringing but surely that is his decision alone and the op is with-holding that info. She has all along led him to believe they are his when she does not - to me that is wicked controlling behaviour, that suits her situation at this moment in time.
It may be best for the children to not be told - but with the opionions on here i doubt it.

I think you deserve eachother otherwoman. I feel very sad for all the innocent people caught up in your selfish lives.