Married but want to have other relationships

[mumofteens]

Please be gentle with me!! I have been married for ages and have teenage children. My husband is a very good friend and we get on well. I am very fond of him. But I don't really fancy him. If I am honest I think I find him a comforting father type of figure (my own father was crap). I would rather not have sex with him at all. However, I would like to have emotional/sexual relationships with other men. I nearly had an affair when my children were younger as I "fell in love" with someone who also had strong feelings for me. I was going to start an affair, but then I discovered I was pregnant. I was in an emotional turmoil but decided to make a go on my marriage and never embarked on the affair. Now I find myself with strong feelings for someone else. I want freedom! But I can't bear the thought of the dishonesty of an affair or the turmoil of a divorce. Help!! I can't bear the emotional turmoil any more.

get a divorce you can'[t have it everyway

End one.

Start other.

Not both at same time.

Not nice. Vows and all that, you know?

But that is so difficult, nasty, messy, expensive. Have to deal with so much crap if you get divorced. Everyone will hate me - the children, my parents, his parents. I don't have it both ways - I am not having an affair, I am just saying how I feel. I am not having my cake and eating it - you are so judgemental. I am having neither cake or eating it right now.

Speak to your husband,tell him how you feel.If you don't 'want' your husband,then the decent thing is to get a divorce and move on,much fairer on him imo.

How would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot?

So judgemental???? You are married and don't want the hassle of changing that but want a relationship else where, of course people are going to judge!!

dealing with a divorce is fair less messy/painful/difficult/nasty then a having a affair(or being caught out)

Oh my lord, I don't believe this.

Are you for real?

End one.

Start another.

Vows!

mumofteens on Mon 12-Jan-09 10:08:06
"But that is so difficult, nasty, messy, expensive. Have to deal with so much crap if you get divorced. Everyone will hate me - the children, my parents, his parents."

Now it's not quite clear what you actually do want. If all you want is to sit on the sofa and wallow in dreams of a sexy relationship- go on, can't do any harm. Though don't expect it to do your current relationship any good either.

If you want to actually have an affair, then I think you will find that this is about as nast and messy (and potentially expensive) as it gets. The chances of being found out are very high. The pain you will be causing your dh will be double: he will know not only that you did not love him but also that you lied to him.

This is why people are saying get a divorce; it will at least spare your dh the pain of having been lied to. And all experience shows that this is something that really, really hurts. The betrayal of trust is something people really care about.

Basically you want us to give you permission to have an affair. Noone is going to give you that. For a mum of teens you sound very naive and immature.

You have 4 options:-

1. Talk to your husband about your feelings and seek marriage guidance counselling.

1. Leave your husband and start divorce proceedings, you are then free to sleep with who you please.

1. Get a hobby or a job, you are obviously bored and might be able to seek fulfilment in something other than sex.

1. Embark on an affair and cause pain and suffering to all your family.

The choice is yours.

The very least you could do is talk to your husband about it, that's what being married is about, right?

Hey, you may strike it lucky, he may not fancy you either/see you as a mother figure and you can both agree to an open relationship.

I wanted to call troll before but always get accused of calling troll too soon.

The open relationship thing sounds like it might have some potential. Just need to start discussing the issues with my husband and developing greater emotional honesty.

I am not asking permission for anything - I am simply interested in feedback on my situation.

Since when did being married stop people from sleeping with other people everoptimistic, I think it is you who is being naive and immature!! Is marriage a life sentence then??

Why did you Marry then?

slapper.

oops .....

Talk to your husband.he may be feeling similar and you may find talking and addressing the lack of excitement in the relationship re ignites it. Your situation is very common in a long relationship with children esp when they are older.You forget who you both were and see those things outside the marriage when more often than not they are still there but buried under the mundane.Of course a quick fix would be an affair but that would cause havoc and probably not fulfil you at all. You might be surprised at what can be there beneath the humdrum.

grow up

Err no. Have you forgotten your vows then? I seem to remember that promising to be faithful was one of them.

If you think you can be embark on an affair and not cause pain to your family you are being naive and immature.

Different matter if your husband agrees to an open relationship, not my cup of tea but horse for courses etc.

Oh grow up - why not get involved in an interesting discussion rather than coming out with childish little comments.

Marriage doesn't stop people sleeping with others morals however do!!!!!!!!!

Sorry that comment a addressed to Craggy.

am surprise at the vitriol here tbh.This is a very common scenario actually and the slapper comment is pathetic.