Following on from all the recent threads about affairs, what percentage of wives....

[brazenhussy]

find out that their husbands are having affairs?
How many men have long term affairs and don't get caught?

Am asking this because i am in a long term relationship with a married man who isn't exactly careful about his actions but is confident that his wife has no clue what is going on.

She wouldn't have to be sherlock Holmes to find the evidence if she did suddenly suspect. Is this unusual or do many wives never discover what is staring them in the face?

Yes I think a lot of women are simply very trusting, they ask their partner "is something going on?"
and they say no... just had to work late/meet a mate/go for a drink/visit family.

I really truely believe that there are loads of men out there cheating on a regular basis, but you know your partner. If the clues are there...
It is not fair though, i think there are women who stick by their men when their men aren't theirs at all.

Well everything is out in the open now. It was my idea not to tell her about me because he was adament he had to tell her now rather than wait until after christmas, but he has told her and is moving out (to a workmate's flat) tonight.

I'm afraid I have been rather cowardly and not answered my phone to him today simply because I am in pieces over this and want no part of whatever goes on between them.

I have read and taken on board ever post on this thread so thank-you for all your imput.

Just wanted to say (can't remember who said it) but I didn't have a tough time after my marriage broke down, I was very happy and relieved.

Not sure what is going to happen now but will keep you all posted.

Jinglebellas - yes that crossed my mind too. Not telling his w the truth so that if things didn't work out he could go back to her. Anyway, tis all out in the open now. Poor poor woman. So that makes three miserable people just before xmas. Nice one. Will probably spoil xmas for a few years too. Anniversaries are tough iyswim.

But you DID have a part in what went on between them! So, your backing away now!!

Referring to the earlier posts re splitting up with your wife and not telling the reasons why....

My DH had a fling when we were separated and only told me the truth when we were trying to get back together...and then only told me it in bits, (apparently he didn't want to hurt me) so I didn't know the full extent for a week or so.

It's absolutely gut wrentchingly horrible and creates terrible trust issues, even now.

I now know that although nothing happened whilst we were still together, there was obviously a bond forming because it got physical about two weeks after we split up.

I would much rather have known the whole truth about the situation and nothing to have been withheld from me. It would have empowered me to have made a much more informed choice and also, wouldn't have created such issues further down the line, especially when it comes to trust, female friends etc etc.

So in my opinion, he should be telling her about brazenhussy, because a) its totally dishonest not to, b)she DESERVES to know the truth in case it ever comes to the situation where they may get back together c) the whole thing about honesty and marriage????

Just a thought.

Gonna have more chocolate!!!

SSC - no not backing away now, I had already told him it was over and wanted to make certain that the path is clear for the two of them to do whatever they decide to do before the two of us make any decisions.

whatalotofchocolate , i am so sorry you had to go through that.

"It's absolutely gut wrentchingly horrible and creates terrible trust issues, even now."

This brought tears to my eyes. I've always wondered how women who got cheated on were able to remain in the r/ship.

I myself will never cheat on my husband and if he did cheat there is absolutely no way i can ever be with him. Not even in another life. And i have told him.

And i can never have anything to do with a married man. Before i got married, i was being harassed by a married man and he said he would go away with me and leave his wife and kids. I loathe him to this day...
I agree with some of y'all. It's the deceit that is killing.

Yeah, I am sitting here next to h hating him because I don't trust him. I don't really hate him but I go through periods where my mind works overtime (for no good reason). That's the fallout you get from affairs

That's exactly it. Affairs lead to awful fallouts for years down the line.

We got back together a few months after but now are on the verge of splitting up again because we didn't resolve all the issues (or my DH is not ready to commit 110% to making it work - his words.....ha) and I didn't allow myself time to process all the emotional trauma from it all.

It is possible to remain in the relationship but the sad thing is the damage is done and there is nothing that truly removes the hurt. What really did me in was the lack of loyalty. I was always there for him, and that's what you get in return.

But anyway, that's why I think she has the RIGHT to know.

Poor woman.

Sorry to hear you are on the verge of splitting I think we have worked through a lot of stuff and h is at least committed to putting in maximum effort BUT the things that enter my head.....well neither of us can do anything about that. I just have to wait til the thoughts go and enjoy those trouble free times.

Ladylush, I know, the thoughts are the hardest.

Sometimes you can think really random thoughts. It just hurts.

Yeah....the splitting up. He didn't put in the maximum effort the first time we got back together - he now says he wasn't entirely sure that he wanted to move back in! In fact he spent a lot of his time being miserable and grumpy, not affectionate and generally moping. Terrible life for some, eh?

But onwards and upwards

I hope you can keep working through your issues, it sounds like you are doing really well.