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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What would you think?

135 replies

pucca · 01/12/2008 00:19

If you found this in your husbands sent messages on facebook?......

sorry about that, she came in. if i am on line i will get you by chat, dont just shout me because sometimes she logs into my account and dont want her seeing that chat from last night. i am trying to find how to get the chat on my laptop. speak soon xx.

dont reply to this, send me a email on .

OP posts:
skramble · 01/12/2008 00:21

could just be a bit of chat, I would switch off MN as soon as exH walked in and wouldn't let him read anything on here. Maybe he is arrangeing a surprise. You have obviously thought of the other scenarios already .

UnfortunatelyMe · 01/12/2008 00:22

Id think my partner/husband was at it TBH

Original poster
pucca · 01/12/2008 00:22

This is someone he went to school with, and this chat was over facebook chat. I don't know her btw.

OP posts:
BlackEyedDogstar · 01/12/2008 00:23

I would be wondering wtf?

Sorry is this your dh? - well I'd be thinking he's chatting to some woman online and doesn't wish you to see the convo!

UnfortunatelyMe · 01/12/2008 00:23

Can you see the chat from last night?

Original poster
pucca · 01/12/2008 00:24

Yes my dh, need to suss out from you all if am making a mountain out of a molehill.

OP posts:
KiwiKat · 01/12/2008 00:24

My alarm bells would be ringing very loudly.

Original poster
pucca · 01/12/2008 00:24

No, can't see the chat, this message was sent a few weeks back.

OP posts:
Original poster
pucca · 01/12/2008 00:25

The message was sent the morning after this "chat".

OP posts:
UnfortunatelyMe · 01/12/2008 00:25

Id ask to see him inbox from his work email, before he gets a chance to filter it.

CharCharGabor · 01/12/2008 00:26

My alarm bells would also be ringing. Sorry.

Original poster
pucca · 01/12/2008 00:27

I told him on Friday night that i had seen this message.

OP posts:
BlackEyedDogstar · 01/12/2008 00:27

how did he respond?

UnfortunatelyMe · 01/12/2008 00:28

Well, hes has had time to filter his inbox The atmosphere in your house over the weekend must have been awful.
Whats his story?

Original poster
pucca · 01/12/2008 00:28

Defensive, said he was just talking about our relationship (the problem side of things) and that she never messaged him again.

OP posts:
UnfortunatelyMe · 01/12/2008 00:30

Easy for him to say. Now she has his work address Have you asked to see the work email? Id ask for the password, being a paranoid freak.
Are you ok?

BlackEyedDogstar · 01/12/2008 00:31

I would think B*llshit, Pucca. Sorry.

He should work hard on any problems that arise between you two, not whine to someone on facebook about it. Crap.

walkingprimrose · 01/12/2008 00:32

mmmmm - wouldn't be overly happy at all, in fact would be v shocked and would jump to all the worst conclusions.

BUT it could be entirely innocent. Maybe last night's chat was just them reminiscing about old times and stuff he thinks you'd be mad about, but is really nothing to worry about at all. Perhaps he doesn't want you to know he's in touch with her because of how it looks when it is totally innocent?!

Just trying to look at it from both ways...

solidgoldbrass · 01/12/2008 00:33

If there are already problems in your relationship he may have been asking for advice/letting off steam (just like so many MNers do on here in terms that they wouldn't be all that wild about their partners reading). It depends a bit what the problems are and how you and him are working on resolving them.

Original poster
pucca · 01/12/2008 00:34

That is basically what he has said Walkingprimrose, but i am not a control freak, i dont care who he chats to tbh, i think it just looks dodgy because of the sneakiness.

OP posts:
walkingprimrose · 01/12/2008 00:35

Oh sorry - he was discussing your relationship problems with some woman was he?? Not reminiscing. I'd flip.

walkingprimrose · 01/12/2008 00:39

Can you do any further detective work? Infiltrate his facebook, guess his work email(if you can access it) pass word or something? That's what I'd be doing. But yes, I think its the sneakiness of him asking her to use work email that makes it look bad isn't it.

Baby crying - got to go x

Original poster
pucca · 01/12/2008 00:42

Can't access his work email, as it is on his work laptop with all kinds of codes and passwords, he has one of those key fob things that you have to put in a different code each time.

OP posts:
thumbwitch · 01/12/2008 00:48

looks suspicious, him being defensive and talking to an old female friend about your relationship at all looks suspicious too.

Be prepared. But OTOH, I wouldn't snoop too much as if it is innocent he will greatly resent it and be hurt. But then if it were innocent, he wouldn't be secretive about it, would he?

Original poster
pucca · 01/12/2008 00:49

Exactly Thumbwitch.

So what would you do? am i right in thinking this is very dodgy?

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