Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What would you think?

135 replies

pucca · 01/12/2008 00:19

If you found this in your husbands sent messages on facebook?......

sorry about that, she came in. if i am on line i will get you by chat, dont just shout me because sometimes she logs into my account and dont want her seeing that chat from last night. i am trying to find how to get the chat on my laptop. speak soon xx.

dont reply to this, send me a email on .

OP posts:
wannaBe · 01/12/2008 14:29

I would tell him that you're not prepared to leave. He can't make you.

If he wants out he knows where the door is.

Original poster
pucca · 01/12/2008 14:30

He just has a work mobile, thats it.

He says he has done nothing wrong, and nothing has happened.

I don't have her number, only her email address.

OP posts:
noonki · 01/12/2008 14:30

I would ring a solicitor asap to find out your rights about the house.

Do not agree to anything until you have had legal advice.

we are here for you.

I would have emailed her too.

thenewme · 01/12/2008 14:34

He is being a pig.

You can't be made to leave the house.

I would ask him if he seriously wants a divorce and then take it from there.

UnfortunatelyMe · 01/12/2008 14:35

Maybe he hasnt done anything, and maybe nothing has happened, but can he se that the message you found would make anyones ears prick up?
And the fact that over this he is so eager to offer a divorce to get it over with speaks for itself.

Original poster
pucca · 01/12/2008 14:37

I know, its just a nightmare, my head is seriously up my backside, and i am torn as to if i can bleieve him or not.

OP posts:
thenewme · 01/12/2008 14:38

Do you want to stay married to him?

Katisha · 01/12/2008 14:39

First thing you need to do is go to Citizens Advice or ring a solicitor and find out your rights about the house. This will mean you are not bamboozled by empty threats and will enable to be in a stronger position when making a decision. Ringing someone doesn't commit you to divorce prodceedings - it's just to find out what is true and what isn't in the case of a divorce.

Katisha · 01/12/2008 14:39

First thing you need to do is go to Citizens Advice or ring a solicitor and find out your rights about the house. This will mean you are not bamboozled by empty threats and will enable to be in a stronger position when making a decision. Ringing someone doesn't commit you to divorce prodceedings - it's just to find out what is true and what isn't in the case of a divorce.

dittany · 01/12/2008 14:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thenewme · 01/12/2008 14:44

Maybe it is a test.

Maybe he wants to leave but wants to blame you?

Maybe we will never know but until he grows up and starts to talk to you there isn't much else you can do unless you start to make decisions for yourself.

Original poster
pucca · 01/12/2008 14:44

I do love him, and i do want to sort things out but if he has been playing away i will walk and there will be no turning things around.

He has said he cant be arsed living with this shit and that i should organise a divorce.

OP posts:
thenewme · 01/12/2008 14:46

He is a flipping idiot. (sorry)

What shit? He has to stop being so inflammatory and talk sensibly.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 01/12/2008 14:46

Pucca

You need legal advice so you know where you stand. CAB would be a good place to start.

Is your property in joint names?.

Why should you be the one to leave, how dare he suggest that you and the children go.

AttilaTheMeerkat · 01/12/2008 14:49

"He has said he cant be arsed living with this shit and that i should organise a divorce".

Its all very convenient for him to say this, he can then say, "well Pucca wanted a divorce and I did nothing wrong".

He needs to start talking sensibly; clearly he is not doing this at present.

swiftyknickers · 01/12/2008 14:49

oh pucca, we will supportyou-find out your rights on the house front. I amn afraid i agree with thenewme-he is testing you

wanker

thenewme · 01/12/2008 14:52

Have to go to school now but be back later.

Be strong.

Original poster
pucca · 01/12/2008 14:52

I think the house is in joint names, we are in a shared ownership house, so half mortgage half rent. There is no way i could afford it alone, we pay £600 per month. We have only been here a year.

OP posts:
Original poster
pucca · 01/12/2008 14:54

Yes i have to go get dd from school, i will be back later on probably.

Thanks everyone once again. It is very helpful for me to able able to vent on here, and of course the advice is a big help too.

OP posts:
swiftyknickers · 01/12/2008 14:54

if he is having an affair and leaves, he will have to pay for you and your children-non?

call cab-find out your rights

he isnt going to play fair

Tortington · 01/12/2008 14:55

you should say " don't throw all the shit at me mister, don't you dare make this marriage breakdown my fault and my fault only. if there is a communication breakdown that is causing this marriage to dail, then i am afraid you are as much if not more to blame than i am. if you want a divorce, i shall organise it as i do not want to be part of a marriage where my husband doesn't want me. but make NO MISTAKE, this is not my fault alone."

ilovemydog · 01/12/2008 14:59

So, you ask him about someone who he has been contacting on Facebook, he changes the password and says he wants a divorce?

WTF?

noonki · 01/12/2008 14:59

I agree with attila, he wants you to be the to end it.

Mumi · 01/12/2008 15:01

What dittany has been saying throughout this thread really sums it all up.
So sorry this is happening Pucca You're not the mug - they are.
Don't leave the house though!

BennyAndJoon · 01/12/2008 15:16

Pucca - so sorry you are going through this.

The advice here is good
Get legal advice
Don't leave the house
Don't let him make this into your fault - it is not your fault.