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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What would you think?

135 replies

pucca · 01/12/2008 00:19

If you found this in your husbands sent messages on facebook?......

sorry about that, she came in. if i am on line i will get you by chat, dont just shout me because sometimes she logs into my account and dont want her seeing that chat from last night. i am trying to find how to get the chat on my laptop. speak soon xx.

dont reply to this, send me a email on .

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 01/12/2008 13:47

Even if the time was wrong it was still sent yesterday.

He may not have intended to start an emotional affair but this message from her looks really bad for you.

You're going to have to talk to him and suggest Relate.

Original poster
pucca · 01/12/2008 13:54

He won't talk, he just goes all defensive and keeps going on about my male friend (from yrs back) and "what about you having men in the house?".

He came round for a coffee...ONCE.

OP posts:
Original poster
pucca · 01/12/2008 13:54

Sorry this male friend of mine, i have known years. Nothing untoward at all, he came round in the daytime when i had 2 yr old ds with me.

OP posts:
Original poster
pucca · 01/12/2008 13:55

The stuff she has put are all status updates.

OP posts:
Original poster
pucca · 01/12/2008 13:58

The family party thing, he didnt want to go, no we dont spend anytime together away from the kids, as we have no one to babysit at all.

The job thing, i doubt he would change jobs, its good money but just has shitty hours to go with that, he does love his job.

OP posts:
thenewme · 01/12/2008 13:59

It is simple. He is doing something that is causing you pain and he should stop it.

UnfortunatelyMe · 01/12/2008 14:00

Sounds like he is trying to reflect the problem onto you.
You ring to ask him when hes coming home for dinner - you are nagging.

He is talking to another woman on Facebook - he is dragging up a friendly coffee from years ago.

Clutching at straws.

Original poster
pucca · 01/12/2008 14:06

I have just spoken to him, he says he cant remember what was said, and he cant be arsed so he wants a divorce.

OP posts:
thenewme · 01/12/2008 14:08

What?

Original poster
pucca · 01/12/2008 14:11

Exactly. This is what i am up against.

OP posts:
thenewme · 01/12/2008 14:15

Okay, forget him. What do you want.

Do you want to fight for your marriage or do you want to let him go?

KiwishyouaMerryKatsmas · 01/12/2008 14:15

Pucca, this man is leading you a merry dance, by the sounds of things. If he is the 'knight in shining armour' that she's talking about - God, the woman is such a cliche - then the phrase "I don't want to be a stepping stone" tells us something very important. He has told her that he wants to be out of his existing relationship, and she wants him to move to her, rather than just help him get out.

You need to let him know that you know what he's been up to, and ask him whether wants to stay in the marriage or walk away. He may get the shock of his life when he realises that reality has caught up with him, and just how much he has to lose - or not. You need to know what you want to happen as well.

I really hope that you guys get it back on track. And that this home-wrecking slag gets boils on her bum.

KiwishyouaMerryKatsmas · 01/12/2008 14:17

Sorry - took to long to write that last one, so x posted. Pucca, I'm so sorry to hear that he's being such a dickhead about this.

Original poster
pucca · 01/12/2008 14:17

I told him on Friday night to go if he wants and at one point he was going to leave.

I have emailed her directly, copy and pasted the message, i haven't been horrible, i have been polite and asked if she could tell me what it is about as we have 2 young children to consider.

He just never wants to talk, he just doesn't do talking at all, it is like banging my head against a wall.

OP posts:
Original poster
pucca · 01/12/2008 14:20

The thing is i have no support at all at the moment as my mum and dad went on hol this morn and they are not back until 19th dec.

OP posts:
thenewme · 01/12/2008 14:20

I will support you.

Original poster
pucca · 01/12/2008 14:22

Thanks everyone, i just feel like such a idiot at the moment and i am going through the motions for the kids. FFS.

OP posts:
Original poster
pucca · 01/12/2008 14:22

Thanks thenewme

OP posts:
noonki · 01/12/2008 14:23

oh Pucca, just read thread.

I'm so sorry. Is he at work? - can you get him to leave early or arrange a babysitter for later so you can go out and talk?

Original poster
pucca · 01/12/2008 14:23

Do you think i have done the right thing? emailing her.

I also just went on his FB account and he has changed the password.

OP posts:
UnfortunatelyMe · 01/12/2008 14:24

Its not as easy as just getting a divorce though is it, theres 2 young children to support, a house to split up etc, he is being a complete arse and he needs to THINK about what he is saying.
The reality is that whoever this woman is, the chance are that she will float onto someone else without a backward glance - if he leaves you and he will end up Sad Sack in a bedsit - I hope he realises this.

Original poster
pucca · 01/12/2008 14:25

To him it is that simple, he has also pretty much said that me and the kids would have to go not him, as i couldnt afford the house... so i would have nothing at all.

OP posts:
dittany · 01/12/2008 14:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wannaBe · 01/12/2008 14:27

it's suspicious.

When you call him to ask when he's coming home, do you call work number or mobile?

Do you have this woman's number (on her facebook profile)? If so would you be brave enough to ring her and brazen it out - "I know about you and h"?

UnfortunatelyMe · 01/12/2008 14:27

I dont think you have done anything wrong by emailing her by the way. Some women would go and rip her head off, an email is very light
We can be online support till your mum and dad get back.

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