not sure I have done the right thing or just made it worse

[Ihaverunaway]

I have just taken the children and come to my mum and dads house (they are away) as dh is in the pub and I am terrified he will be abusive cwhen he gets home.

he has done this before. He promised to be home by 5 after I dropped him off at 2ish.

He now wont answer his phone.

last time he did this I took the kids and called police as he threatened to mash up the house.

He is a great father and dh 99.9% of the time but just a nasty c**t when drunk sometimes.

i am terrified i have made it worse as he will be angry when he gets home and finds us gone.

what do i do if he turns up here

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Are your parents likely to come back soon?

Hopefully he will have sobered up by the time he finds you and will be more reasonable. Fingers crossed for you.

have posted an age ago but am an unknown.

have not told any one on rl (apart from my parents after the last time) as it is so embarrissing

sorry for spelling and no caps but have tired clingy 3 yr old on lap

Does he know you are likely to have gone there ?

parents in florida for 2 weeks.

i cannot put dc through seeing him drunk.

last time he went for them for the first time

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is there any friends/relatives you can call to also come round and stay with you?

When was the last time he did this and what was his reaction after the event ?

he will know we are here and knows my parents just gone away.have no where else to go

i called police couple months ago so they would have record if it happened again

dc ok as they stay here quite often so excited about sleepover but think ds 7 knows something up as dgp away

So sorry runaway, I second Dior re having someone there with you. How was he after the last occurance?

Call women's aid. They will be able to put you in a safe place.

he is not sorry until he sobers up. family history of bad reaction to alcohol.

history long long ago of violence in youth so would get ugly if he has run in with police

i am just worried i over reacted

going now to try to get 3 yr old to sleep

thanks for replies i dont feel so alone

women's aid

love, tonight tell him you've taken them to your parents so he can relax when he gets home and so they dont disturb his sleep.

tomorrow, tell him how terrified you were and try and get him to question how bad he must be for you to have to take this sort of action.

of course you havent over-reacted, you are protecting your children.

thanks so much for the link.

i have the letter still hidden in my bag from the dv people after last tim e.

i am really ashamed of this and myself as have let it rumble on for years.

he is a lot better than he was (usual nasty verbal abuse, forci ng me to get up when asleep to listen to him) and is really infrequent now.

last time he came home when dc awake and started on them. he bit dd and hurt ds to make them leave him alone. we fled with no socks / underwaer and called police.

i will not have my dc treated like that

he BIT your kids?

sorry and im not being funny but why are you still with him?

Try not to feel ashamed. Tens of thousands of women are going through the same thing every day.

This isn't OK though. It's not OK for you to be terrified of him when he's drunk. It's not OK for him to hurt your children.

You need to call Women's Aid, or get back in touch with the DV people from the police station. Tell them you want a safe place.

that is why i am so ashamed.

the police said i would get a call from ss but never did. the bite did not leave a mark but they remember

i work for ss ffs - but in a different area. we are respectable couple in very affluent area so even more reason to keep it secret

thi sis his fault - not yours. You have NOTHING to be ashamed of unless you let this continue and escalate and do not protect yourself and your children.

Call the police now - explain why you are worried.

Call womens aid now.

Protect yourself and by doing so protect your children.

You owe him nothing. You owe it to your children to act.

Well done for taking the first step by leaving the house. Do not sit there like a terrified rabbit. Get help.

And maybe you will help him to get the help he needs - to make him into a brilliant husband and father all the time, rather than the one percent dangerous drunk who could change all your lives forever if you let him.

he just rang and said 'i have let you down again'

he would not tell me where he was. he said see you later. I just said fine and hung up.

i am worried about telling him we have gone in case it makes him angry.

it is such a shitty situation as he is fantastic apart from this

could i ring the police station to tell them I am worried in case he turns up here later ?

YES ring the police and explain that you are scared.

NO

Do NOT keep it a secret

He is an animal - it is NOTHING to do with you or the children.

He is an adult. He is responsible for his own behaviour. Drunk or not. Bad past or not.

Ring the police if he comes over - do not open the door to him.

Call 0808 2000 247 RIGHT NOW and explain you've run away - they will help you and give you all the legal information you need.

This is NOT YOUR FAULT. It is HIS responsibility and is NOT a shameful secret.

Let the world know what an animal he is - he doesn't deserve secrecy.

yes, do.

Sorry he's being such a nob.