I've just received a text from MIL which I think was meant for DH and it has upset me. PART TWO

[Thishasupsetme]

Hi all, new thread so I can update

poor dh, she sounds totally awful.

She sounds absolutely mental. How old is she? i know I joked on your old thread that you should suggest to her that she has dementia as she is so forgetful but she really doesn't sound "right"....

oh X posts sorry. What a shitty situation THUM, all caused by MIL.

Go to the christening, and be united with your DH. Best of luck I think you've handled it amazingly.

THUm you may never know what you have done, you probably haven't done anything.

sounds like dh grew a pair on the phone, mil sounds like a nasty peice of work. dh wont hate you for it, how can he? his mother has lied to him, called his wife a bitch, and generally been toxic all round.

She is not old, only 52, I don't understand this. I feel awful.

But I tell you there is n way in hell, she will be having anything to do with my DD unless I am around to watch her, no way.

have been following this but not posted before.
AM MIL would speak about you in that way. well done to your DH for stepping up. I understand how you must feel bad though, how sad for you and DH that MIL has reacted like this. how long ago was it still OK? whatn was the turning point? (sorry not read any threads before)

You haven't done anything. She is toxic. The normal rules don't apply for her. She wants her ds and YOUR dd all to herself and did what she could to try make that happen - she is not very bright is she?

Your DH will not hate you if he is a decent person as you say he is. He will see that his mothers behaviour could not continue and that you had done nothing to warrant being treated like that. He did the right thing and stuck up for you, his wife who was in effect being bullied by his mother. You are the mother of HIS child and it had to be this way.

Well done your DH now the pair of you can put this behind you and move on.

I am not surprised that MIL will never apologise. My parents have done some truly terrible things they will never acknowledge, and actually, I don't think they are self-aware enough to understand how very far in the wrong they were. In their heads they have somehow managed to absolve themselves of any responsibility using a variety of the tactics AttilaTheMeerkat describes.

For the sake of peace and family unity I eventually decided to let the past lie. But I would not be able to do that for quite a while, if in your shoes. I doubt very much that MIL will really cut your DH out of her life. If she did, she would be cutting off her nose to spite her face. She will probably initiate contact eventually without ever admitting she was wrong.

I hope you and your DH and DD have a lovely day today, put this behind you and go out and do something enjoyable together. You must be exhausted and could do with a relaxing distraction!

You haven't 'done' anything. She is insanely jealous and a tad bonkers by the sound of it. Have you got a FIL around in all of this?

THUM, I read all of the first post and just fnished reading this one, I don't quite know what to say about your MIL, I am so horrified by her behaviour. I can't remember being quite this gobsmacked in some time.

Jesus, these women who continue to try to control their adult sons give me the serious heebie jeebies, there is something so creepy about them! My ex-MIL was one of them.

Pleased to see your DH does have some backbone!!!

xxx

You may not have done anything per se. Could well be a completely irrational thought process on her part. Remember it is her problem not yours , please don't let her turn it around and make you feel guilty over her attenpted contrivance. Her "mistake" brought it into the open after all. Have you established if this was the first time he had gone along with such plans ?

At least your dh finally has shown his mettle and rediscovered his testosterone, if rather belatedly. Hope you do go tomorrow and demsonatrte a united front.

The only thing you did wrong was marry her son and start a family with him. Something that most sane mothers are happy about. None of this is down to you, it is of your MIL's making.

Thum you haven't done anything, other than marry HER son and have HER granddaughter. This has mentally unbalanced her, psycho EMIL.

Your poor Dh really, 'the scales falling from his eyes' i think someone said before, it's so true.
What a shock to have the realisation forced on you that your mum is nuts.

You are doing so well THUM keep telling yourself that.
Make sure you al have a lovely family day today and don't forget those new outfits for tomorrow

for you, THUM. But it shows that you were right to believe that your marriage could survive it. Your DH has come through in the end. The fact that what he just did was so very hard makes the gesture all the bigger.
Be nice to him today (am sure you will. You sound too nice to take any pleasure in any of this.)
And at some point you'll have to decide whether you still want to go to the christening if she's going to be there.

I wonder how long DH has been dealing with the knowledge that she appears to despise you.

it sounds like your dh has been far stronger then most of us imagined he could be, so all credit to him, it can't have been easy. If he has said he feels like a weight has been lifted then I would take that as a good sign, that it is something he always knew he need to do, even if it was deep in his sub-conscience. Be there for him, he has done you proud today, even if not in the past.

THUM - I've been following this thread since it started. YOu have behaved amazingly and your DH has finally come through for you. But I know that there is no relief in a situation like this and that you will feel just as bad now as before - but remember this is NOT your fault.

FWIW, my advice now would be to get off the internet and go and spend quality time supporting your DH who has just had to face up to one of the harshest realities of his life. He needs you now.

Hope that doesn't sound too harsh but in the same way that you needed him not to play Call of Duty or go to pub, you need to be there for him now.

Good luck.

BlameItOnTheBogey has given you excellent advice

I am not surprised you are both feeling really emotional about this, you have been building up to this moment for days, your dh for years. It will get easier from now, Well done.

But remember to come back and let us know how the christening went (if you go)!

Oh god the christening I hadnt forgotten about that, does your dh still want to go? Sorry dont answer that go do something with dh.

Has MIL a daughter?

2sugars - sure she said DH is an only child.

No, her DH is an only child I believe.

Oh I feel so sad for you both.

Your DH will need your support and sympathy now, toxic parents book is fantastic, go out today and buy it for him. It is such a feeling of heartbreak to realise the people/person you should be able to trust most in the world can hurt and manipulate you like this.

I hope you both go t the christening with your DD as a strong family unit, your DH has eventually been very brave to his mum, and now he has done that I really feel for him.

I am pleased for you too that this has been resolved.

Just one more before I sign off, Thank you all.

We are still going to the christening, I am not missing it now, I want to see her face to face, it is something I have to do.

DH and I are going to take DD out for the day for a walk to the prom and fish and chips for lunch

I still feel sick to my stomach, but only time will help that.

Thank you all.
I will try and come back later on.