I've just received a text from MIL which I think was meant for DH and it has upset me. PART TWO

[Thishasupsetme]

Hi all, new thread so I can update

Well done, THUM, you are a star. I hope that you and your DH can move forward from here. Have a lovely day today (and tomorrow! You've handled this brilliantly, you should be very proud of yourself.

Been lurking all along but must just say well done your DH Thum that must have been the hardest thing he ever did - but he did yayay he put you first!
But so very sad that his mother is so damaging and how awful for you to hear - no idea where you go from now - for your DH but for you and DD

Have a lovely day, Hugs to the THUM family.

wow, I'm pleased he did it, unpleasant as it was, all that needed to be said.

Thum , your dh won't hate you he will love you for having finally given him the courage to stand up to his evil mother.

I'm getting teary myself, because I am so very proud of both of you - don't underestimate how huge a thing this is for him - it's only one phone call, but it reverses a lifetimes worth of conditioning.

This isn't going to be the end of it you know - I'd love to tell you that now he has made his choice everything will be fine, but it won't. I really would recommend counselling for your dh - it turned my life around and finally made me see myself as someone worthwhile.

Good luck.

I hope tomorrow goes well. Just support your dh, remind him he doesn't have to choose between you only that he has to manage his mother carefully so she doesn't damage your marriage. I would also remain open to her apologising one day how ever long it takes.

Try and take the stance that your MIL is mentally unwell but it doesn't mean you have to take the cr*p she is dishing out.

Just checking in quickly as DH wants the computer (selfish sod!). Well done to your DH. He will need lots of support. As do you. This may well pull you both together and make you stronger as a family. So your MIL may well have done you a favour.

THUM, I've been following this all along (like 100s of others!) and I just wanted to say how impressed I am at how you have behaved throughout. You are a nice, genuine, honest person & that shines out in everything you've written, so no wonder it's been so hard for you to recognise what your MIL has been doing.

Your DH knows now just how much you are worth fighting for & that will help him deal with his mother in the battles to come. He did brilliantly on the phone.

"DH says he feels sad but like a weight he never knew he had has been lifted." Poor man

I hope the sick feeling goes away enough for you to enjoy today

Well done to you and your dh.

You want him to support you and be a strong family unit. Now, more than ever is it important that YOU stand by him in this.

You have a mother in law who hates you for no other reason than marrying her precious son and bearing him a child.

HE has a seriously twisted and unbalanced mother, and he now really needs you to stand by him and weather of the storm with him.

I know nothing about toxic parents, but it seems a great deal here does, so please follow their advice, get that book, and be strong together.

You are inspirational.

Well done you I think you have handled this brillantly and really managed to keep it together. Hope you have enjoyed your day out x

that was meant as a smiley.

sorry

that was meant as a smiley.

sorry

Big hugs to you THUM. I am so relieved that DH has done the right thing at last.

MIL sounds truly deluded to insist she's done nothing wrong, and to call you a bitch when you've never fallen out with her. I can only assume that you are automatically a "bitch" because, in her twisted mind, you have "taken" DH from her.

I appreciate you feel sad on DH's behalf. He has hardly covered himself in glory in all of this (and the past wedding incident) but I'm prepared to grudgingly admit that this can't be easy for him either. Perhaps by her heartless reaction (most people would have at least tried to mumble an apology or else concoct a far fetched story about "mix-ups" in such a situation) earlier she has actually done him a favour by revealing her true colours as a manipulative, selfish cow ...... but this realisation must be tough at any age. Apart from reading the book suggested, it may be very beneficial for you both to attend some sort of couples' counselling - if only to try and recapture the feeling of trust and security which has now been sorely tested - I expect the counsellor would also recommend individual counselling for DH about the loss of his mother (for that seems to be the probable outcome) if it became apparent during sessions that he was finding it hard to come to terms.

I wish you all the luck in the world for tomorrow. I hope, in spite of everything, you manage to have a lovely time and that the MIL isn't monstrous enough to cause a scene and marr what should be a special family occasion. It may be as well to speak to the cousin, and/or her mum, and update her as to what's been going on just in case MIL does try to ruin things.

"At MY christening, apparently my gran had a go at my dad, because he was seeing to me, while my mum was socialising. She started loudly exclaiming that "SHE" should be attending to the baby, not "YOU", to my dad. My dad told her she was leaving, got her coat and drove her home, without a word."

joolyjoolyjoo's post, earlier.

Your CIL need to have somebody at the christening primed to do just that to your MIL if she does kick off tomorrow.

Well done THUM you have given me the boost to cut DP's apron strings for him!

"we used to be okay, and had a decent mil/dil relationship"

That's because you didn't know what was going on behind the scenes, in that your relationship was all on your MIL's terms

BIG ((hug))s for you and DD. You have shown immense strength throughout this and I must admit I've also even gone from wanting to kick your DH in the balls to wanting to shake him by the hand!

If MIL evens shows up tomorrow, don't let her drag any of you into spoiling it for anyone. Have a lovely weekend

Thum, you're amazing. I marvel at the way you have conducted yourself through all of this.

Wow
That took a while to catch up on.

Well done you and well done your dh

I realise you feel sick at the moment but I think this is the beginning of your dh redressing the balance of power in his relationship with his mother. Once she realises that he won't take her crap she will either have to change her ways or butt out. Either way I think in the long run it will be much better for you as a family. DH obv will have to come to terms with the fact that his mother is toxic (have you ordered that book yet?) but at least he knows it now, it is out in the open and so something will be done about it.

Good luck tomorrow

I wonder why MIL decided that now was the time to break radio silence on her shenanigans? I mean, she's obviously been up to some nasty tricks for a long while, so why send that text now? The phrasing of it leaves pretty much no doubt that she meant for THUM to receive it. I know you can't always understand the mind of a psychopath, but she already had what she wanted in a way, i.e. DH going along with her plan for the Christening. And if she wanted to force the issue by gloating to THUM what she'd done, there was always going to be the risk that he would choose THUM. And of course, now she's just increased the likelihood of being denied access to her DGD.
I think what someone said earlier about her popping up again in a while as if nothing has happened is quite likely. By that time she'll have crystallised in her mind even further that she's been hard-done-by and that it's all the evil bitch THUM's fault. So she'll pressurise DH to bring her only DGD to visit her in her old age. THUM needs to be on the lookout to stamp on that little plan.

Well done Thum. You have handled this brilliantly.

And well done Thum's dh. It must've been incredibly hard for him to make that call, but he did it.

Hope you have a lovely day today and tomorrow.

tbh i can totally believe that the text went to the wrong person by accident - afterall what did mil have to gain? She's enjoying getting one over on you.

It does happen that the message gets sent to the wrong person by accident - in fact i've done, sending a text ABOUT someone to mu hubby and bu accident sent it to the person

Well done to you THUM and Mr THUM. Unfortunately, I would expect her to fight back with some unpleasant comments tomorrow. She is also likely to try to manipulate other family members to her 'side' and paint THUM as the 'bitch' she believes her to be. You must all stay strong.

Lovebeingamummy....yeah, I accept that texts/emails can easily be sent in error, but the unnecessary detail in this one had a few of us sceptical yesterday. Wouldn't she just have written something like "see you 1.30 Sunday," on the grounds that the DH knew where they were going. But to specifically mention the Christening and remind him not to tell DW..... fishy.

Well done for standing up to EMIL.

I do think you need to show your dh that are going to help him come to terms with what a happen in the last few days.

He must be feeling devasted to discovery what and how is mum thinks of you. You to remember her behavour is normal to him.

Perhaps get him to read the stately home tread so he can see he is not alone and maybe get some help from others who have been/are in the same position as him.

Hope you have a nice day today.

I suspect that mil will be ill tomorrow and not go to the christening.

THUM - like Prufrock, I feel all tary fyou, too.

Well done you, you handled this magnificently.

I think it is brilliant that your DH said he felt a weight lifted. His first small taste of not being controlled by her.
think Prufrock and Attila have give an EXCELLENT insight into getting through and getting over a controlling parent, and hopefully they willboth support you - and your DH - as you go through the inevitable attempts at sabotage by MIL. Have you ordered the book from Amazon first class? Perhaps you and DH can read it together?

Well done!

Enjoy your day out (ouring with rain here, but your chipshop will be all steamy and nice) - and you will be KNOCKOUT at the christening!

XXXXXXX Blu