I've just received a text from MIL which I think was meant for DH and it has upset me. PART TWO

[Thishasupsetme]

Hi all, new thread so I can update

Good luck, THUM!

Of course, she'll probably be out!!

Good luck THUM - you are doing brilliantly

She will play the woe is me, you are upsetting me card. It is prob how she has controlled him all his life.

I think he should not ask her anything. She will just lie. I would say to her 'From the text you sent on Friday DW found out about the christening and called CIL who said she was invited. You have put me in a very difficult position with my wife and you have upset her and in doing so you upset me. I now realise I should not have accepted that my wife would not be invited. THUM is my wife and both she and our daughter are my family and my first priority. I am not sure what you were trying to achieve but I just want you to know that my wife and child are my first priority in everything. We will be attending the christening on Sunday as a family.

I think I would then leave it at that. He could ask for an apology but I doubt you will get it.

He could also say something along the lines of 'we will explain to the wider family that if they want to invite us to anything in the future that they need to contact us directly' - but that might be a bit much to tell her at the moment. I would do it though.

oh god I am so nervous for you, hope its going ok, hope he can start to make up for his huge cock ups.

I just had a thought. Bet he has already text mil to warn of impending phonecall and what to say.

Bet he text aftewards to say sorry.

You need to see action, him taking a stance and standing by you, refusing to let her see dd without you present and suchlike. Only then can you start to believe him.

I hope it all goes well. fingers crossed with baited breath

Good Luck!!!

Thinking of you. I hope he really does stand up to her.

Do you not think he has probably spoken to her already? I can not imagine with all this blowing up that he has not discussed it with her so how true and genuine this phone call is is something I would question but then I am extremely suspicious.

This would be a deal breaker for me if this phone call today is not the real thing and he is trying to keep both thum and his mother happy.

I dont think he has called her already isnt that why he went to friends house after work and went and got pissed to avoid talking to her and THUM.

I doubt it ALMummy - he's got his head in the sand. He'll have just believed his mother about THUM not being invited because it gives him a quiet life, a tactic he'll have perfected over his life.
He's being asked to do a big thing today and I don't think we can expect miracles yet. But hopefully a start will be made in correcting what seems to have been a lifetime of manipulation and control from her.

good luck THUM. Am in awe of how strong you are being dealing with this.

If thumb sent a text back to mil the other day at the same time as dh, of course mil has spoken to dh about it, and of course dh has had to say dw is not happy.

He just does not want to have the confrontation on behalf of dw.

al mummy - that was my thoughts actualy.

then again OP will have o go on faith and trust that OH hasn't done this.

Think I may have already suggested this, but she should have checked his mobile call/text register. When he was too pissed to notice last night would have been a good time.

There's no more hiding from this issue for DH. This is crunch time and he has to confront it, finally. He will be desperate to find a way round it, but THUM has to lead him by the ear hand to make him do it. Otherwise it'll just get worse and worse.
How sad that she had no idea until 2 days ago that her MIL was conspiring against her in this way. She thought they had an OK relationship.

Well that was quicker that I expected it to be. FWIW I don't think he has it in him to ring her and warn her before hand, I don't think he has even spoken to her (apart from now) about it.

He wrote down what he wanted to say, she tried to deny it all, but he caught her short and told her he knows what she has done and not to deny it, as it is just amking it worse for herslef. She coudln'r offer any excuses to him she soundede gobsmacked that he was actaully confronting her.

When he told her that I amd DD are his first priotrites and that he will always put us first from now on, she shouted that she is his mum she should be his priority not that bitch of a wife of yours

I cant beleive she tinks of me like that, I ahven't ever done anything untoward to her.

DH was really calm and sais that he will not tollerate her speaking about me like that.

Then he said if she wants to be part of our family he expects a full and frank, genuine face to face apology for me.

She said that she will never say sorry as she has done nothing wrong and that she may as well just cut him out of her life

DH says he feels sad but like a weight he never knew he had has been lifted.

I don't feel happy , I feel so bad for DH.

sorry for typos, I am crying

Oh THUM, i am so sad and happy for you at the same time

So glad he spoke to her clearly and put her correctly in her place and pulled her up on calling you a bitch .

But so sad it has come to this for no reason.

And that you thought everything was ok.

More i think.

Well done to you and dh though.

I am so glad he has stood up for you. I also feel sorry for you and your DH. It must have been so hard for him to do that.

I hope that one day you can all get on.

She has reacted exactly as a toxic parent would react. You and your DH need that book.

No you don't feel happy because you are a decent person. Remember now thought that your DH as bad as this situation is, still has YOU and your DD.

She must be a thick as shit to think that a grown man should choose his mother over his wife, it beggars belief.

Your DH has really stepped up. Well done him. All you can do is just be there for him now and him for you. Don't forget your own needs and rights in all of this. Yes it is difficult for him but it is equally awful for you to.

Been following this too since it began. I too have suspicions he has already spoken to his mum. I imagine she would have been onto him straight away after THUM got the text. You don't want him just paying lip service to you THUM. He has to mean every word, I think only time will tell if he has the balls to do this.

Loads of spelling errors in there was typing furiously.

I'm so scared that DH is gonna end up hating me for this.

What have I done to her to make her despise me so much, we used to be okay, and had a decent mil/dil relationship.

Hiya have been following your posts. Sending you and DH huge hugs and think you should be proud of yourselves. Well done for staying strong and well done DH for standing up to her. Now, together, the 2 of you must support each other. Talk this through, let DH talk too this must have been hard for him too. Very proud of both of you, well done. Have a cosy family day with lots of hugs.