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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I've just received a text from MIL which I think was meant for DH and it has upset me. PART TWO

528 replies

Thishasupsetme · 07/11/2008 18:23

Hi all, new thread so I can update

OP posts:
JustKeepSwimming · 09/11/2008 16:35

I hope it went well too

prettybird · 09/11/2008 17:05

I've been reading to and am really impressed with how mature and calm you have been with dealing with this. You and your dh will be much stronger together having come through this

Hope today went well.

dazmum · 09/11/2008 17:06

I was wondering how it went too, hope it was really good and you had a great time, you deserved to.

cluelessnchaos · 09/11/2008 17:13

hope you are both ok,

MrsSanta · 09/11/2008 17:35

Dont forget to update us all THUM, I havent stopped thinking about you and this thread since you started it.

Majeika · 09/11/2008 17:45

Phew! 1,384 posts later and I am done reading through this unbelievable stuff!

The tears I have shed because of my MIL could fill a bath over the years! She is a cowbag too but fortunately DH has none of it with her and does stick up for me.

I, like LadyTH, use the children as a weapon but she has calmed down recently and so they do see her from time to time.

I cannot believe that your MIL could be so vindictive. It is so sad really because she will lose her relationship with DH and your DD......her loss though because of her own thoughtless behaviour.

I did cry when I read the phone call bit of your DH and MIL. I really felt for him as I dont think he was being mean to you but didnt know what to do/didnt think/ was a bit dim about it all!

Now that he has done it I think you should be spoil him a bit and make him feel like he has done the right thing. He will be feeling hurt through all this too.

Hope today went well.

TheInvisibleManDidIt · 09/11/2008 18:01

Hope it went well for you today THUM, and you all enjoyed yourselves.

TheMuppetMuggle · 09/11/2008 18:19

I hope today went well for you both and you enjoyed yourselves

poppy34 · 09/11/2008 18:21

wonder how it went today - you sound like you had a very good approach to it all thum

Jux · 09/11/2008 18:21

THUM don't worry too much. My dh had to say pretty much the same thing to MIL. Give it time.

My MIL gave in quite quickly. I didn't tell DH he couldn't see her - he didn't really want to and never made much effort - nor did I say she couldn't see dd, just that I owuld not be present. This meant that dh had to take dd to see her, which he couldn't be bothered to do very much. This meant that MIL had to give way in order to see them more often.

I think she says things about me to the rest of the family, but as we never saw much of them anyway, and I assume they all know her pretty well, as far as I'm concerned she can say what she likes.

I worried that dh would never forgive me. Something like 5 years on, I know he never held me responsible in the first place. He saw very clearly what was happening once it was brought to his notice and not for one moment did he put the blame anywhere but on himself and, most importantly, his mum. His self-blame comes from not noticing what was happening under his nose, but he's always been very good at hiding his head in teh sand!

Your dh is an intelligent man, who has been in thrall to his mum for his whole life and is now emerging. Watch his beautiful butterfly wings grow and be proud he has grasped the nettle and acted now.

Oh, dear wine goes straight to me head! [slightly pissed]

Hope you enjoyed today.

cali · 09/11/2008 18:22

glad to hear you were all at the christening today and hope that you all managed to enjoy yourselves despite the events of last week.

have been away this weekend but instead of unpacking, have been catching up with the events from friday onwards.

MeMySonAndI · 09/11/2008 18:33

Is she back from the Christening?

LilRedWG · 09/11/2008 18:44

Hope it went well.

loflo · 09/11/2008 19:31

bloody m-in-laws. I know it is hard but I haven't had any contact with mine for nearly 2 years now. She has not spoken to DH, acknowledged us at all, but behaved like a fruit when we saw her with DS in Tesco. She is toxic and I am a fat selfish lazy bitch (in her words!). Well she is the one who has lost out as she has one grandchild (our beautiful DS) and she has missed out on watching him grow from toddler to boy (he is nearly 5 now). I have cried so much over the sadness of it all but what can you do? Good luck for the future however you decide to play it (wink)

Thishasupsetme · 09/11/2008 20:02

Today went reallywell . I breathed a sigh of relief to see that mil wasn't actually there (Well not when we were at the church and not at first at the party)

The only ones who spoke to Dh and I about it all was DCIL and her mum, they apologised on mil's behalf and I told them that there was no need as it was not their fault at all.

MIL did turn up , but sat in the corner nursing a G&T, looking like she was sucking on a lemon She hardly spoke to anyone. One of DH's other cousins came and asked him (So DH tells me, Iwas off having a good time with DD) what was wrong with MIL, so DH told him what had happened. His cousin was very shocked.
MIL left after about an hour and didn't even acknowlege DH.

DH has reached an angry stage, he is v v pissed off with mil, he said he didn't expect her to welcome him and DD with open arms or anything, but he certainly didn't expect her to ignore them. He was angry because DD kept saying dand maaa, dand maaa and she just ignored her I think this has tipped DH over the top TBH and now it is aimed at his baby, our DD, he is livid to say the least.

All in all though I am so glad we all went, I had a lovely day and got to hold a beautiful 2 week old newborn DD of Dh's cousin (another cousin not the christening one) it made my overies do a little jump

OP posts:
FiveGoMadInDorset · 09/11/2008 20:04

Well done you and well done your DH for telling people. Glad you ahd a good time.

BitOfFun · 09/11/2008 20:05

So glad it went well THUM x x x

LilRedWG · 09/11/2008 20:06

for your DH and DD, but I am glad that you all had an otherwise lively day. xx

LilRedWG · 09/11/2008 20:07

lovely, not lively

Jackstini · 09/11/2008 20:07

So pleased it went well.
Hope the old bat of a MIL realises she is the big loser here and she has noone to blame but herself.
Take care of you, dd & dh x

TashaE · 09/11/2008 20:08

Not TashaE's husband this time - TashaE in person, and I just wanted to say how glad I am that it went well.

I suspect that it may be the start of quite a journey, but hopefully one that you, your DH and DD will take together, and which will make you stronger.

macdoodle · 09/11/2008 20:08

Your DH reeally has come up trumps hasnt he
Standing up for you and your DD - it is so nice to read a thread where the man does the right thing the good thing
And shame on your MIl for ignoring her GD - fine ignore your DH if she feels he has done something wrong but how on earth can a little girl have done anythin!

MmeLindt · 09/11/2008 20:10

THUM
Good to hear that the christening went well and that your DH is standing up to his mum. She is truly showing her true colours, how sad for your DH and DD

Thishasupsetme · 09/11/2008 20:11

I know TBH at that point I wanted to go over and cause her some actuall bodily harm, not for mine or DH's sake but for my baby. I wanted to rip her bloody head off and I am not a violent person.

I think DH is seeing her more and more for what she actually is. I am seeing her more and more for what she actually is. Up until last week I thought we got on okay

OP posts:
DiscoDizzy · 09/11/2008 20:12

yay!!! glad you went, glad you had a good time, glad MIL didn't, glad DH has seen the light.

Result