I've just received a text from MIL which I think was meant for DH and it has upset me. PART TWO

[Thishasupsetme]

Hi all, new thread so I can update

frekkles' advice is good.

If you want to see what you've written without going through 1000+ messages go to Search for messages (not the general search) and search for messages in your name. They should all be listed I think?

Would it be a good idea to encourage him to read the thread though? Particularly at the beginning, I think I remember there was quite a lot of pretty aggressive stuff aimed at him (not from you) which might be hard to read, and also a lot of out-and-out slating of his mother. Could that make him feel defensive / protective of her? If I was him I would find ome bits quite difficulty to read, and
you seem to be sorting it out well between you in RL. Just a thought.

Or perhaps warn him up front that he will need to teflon coat his emotions /pride a bit before reading?!

Hope it all goes well today.

Any chance that MIL could be over on the Gransnet thread, asking if she's being unreasonable to hate her DIL for forcing her DS to cut her out of his life?

The only difference between MIL not being at the Christening and THUM not being there, is that MIL chose not to go, as a direct result of her actions. THUM was denied even knowing she'd been invited.

I agree that, whilst it's very noble of THUM not to tell people what's been going on, it does leave open the likely possibility of MIL telling her version of events without challenge. The gloves are off on this one, so I think that THUM needs to relate an abridged version of events without apportioning blame, but letting others jusdge for themselves. And I'd lay bets that they all know what she's like anyway.

how about THUM just shows people the text message and says she sent me this and then decided not to come when DH asked her why? That's all I know.

I hope that you and DH manage to enjoy today. FWIW, I don't think you have slagged him off too much at all. Some of us (me included may have suggested once or twice that he grew a pair, but that was before we were aware of exactly what his mother is like.

MrTHUM - I have much respect for you now and think you have a fine pair. I hope that you and THUM have a great time today!

OMG - That sounded awful . THUM - I really didn't mean to comment on MrTHUM's erm-thingies at all.

I'm going to hide now before I dig a deeper hole.

I've just spent the last two hours reading through all the posts. My goodness, your MIL sounds so awful. I'm never going to moan about mine again!

You remained calm and dignified throughout, even when contemplating leaving DH, which shows such a strength of character.

I really hope that you have a lovely time today and that you and your DH continue to make progress x

pmsl LilRedWG

LOL LilRedWG!!!

Am so not surprised that your MIL is now not going! You go and have a lovely afternoon. If anyone asks where she is I would just say that I didn't know.

I'm sure your DCIL is telling people!

pmsl at LIlRedWG, how funny just nearly chocked on my sandwich.

LilRedWG! rofl!

Lol LilRedWG and her unnatural interest in mrTHUM's clackers

LMAO at LilRedWG

By the way, did we ever establish whether the stepFIL counted as family and was therefore invited to this christening and wedding?

Actually the best thing to do if anyone asks about MIL is to say "Oh I don't know. You'll have to ask DCIL as she spoke to her." That way if people find out what happened they will get it from a disinterested party, not THUM or Mr.THUM, who cannot then be accused of badmouthing MIL.

And it would not be lying to say "Oh, I haven't spoken to her about it. But I believe DCIL has......"
But I'd bet my best knickers that the story's got round the whole family by now anyway!

err could someone link to the previous link for me please?

Dur.... too tech for me, sorry!

It'll be in the relationships topic though, same title but wothout the part 2 on the end.

Thishasupsetme I am pleased that things have turned out well for you so far and hope that this has strengthened your relationship with DH.

I've been reading but haven't posted as it's been so hard to keep up!

Hope you have a lovely time today. xxx

I searched using the OP's nickname in the search messages box warthog.

THUM I hope you had a fantastic time at the christening and it proves to you that it isn't DH's family that has a problem with you, just his mum who sounds like she needs serious counselling. Congratulations for staying where you are too - I'd have flounced off and caused more harm to my marriage in your shoes. You can be happy in the knowledge that you have done right by your DD and in the long term yourself. Good to see constructive posts too not just 'Leave him' or more horribly 'troll' which seems to be happening alot recently on threads. Good luck THUM.

one way to really piss the old bag off is to have a happy wonderful life with your dh and dd. enjoy today!!!

I really hope it went well today and that you referred all comers with questions to your CIL. I'm sure it was a lovely occasion and not marred by one bitter old woman's jealousy and manipulativeness.

As ally says, watch out for the health condition - something non-specific maybe that could carry her off if upset too much - and make sure that DH is aware that this is another level of manipulation. It is just the first step for him, he has 32 years of her mind-control to unravel and he won't manage it all in one day.

you have been brilliant all through this and hats off to Mr THUM for coming up trumps - I hope he was a solid rock for you today as well, although I doubt you needed it (assuming that she definitely stayed away and didn't reconsider!)

I hope all went well today.