I've just received a text from MIL which I think was meant for DH and it has upset me.

[Thishasupsetme]

The message said 'Looking forward to Sunday, I'll pick you and DGD up at 1.30pm for X's christening, remember not to mention it to DW'
DH has told me that he is going to take DD out for a few hours on Saturday to give me some time to myself, but it looks like he is going to his family members christening and I am not invited.
I didn't know I had upset anyone. DD was christed 6 months ago now and all of his family were invited and his cousin is DD godmother.
I am really upset. I don't know if I should mention it to him or hust leave it.

Whew THUM, just read it all...see what happens whe you take an evening off MN

My dh would prob react the same way (although MIL is a nice one), - he is crap with any kind of confrontation/serious conversation etc. It has caused so much trouble for us.

Chin up, sounds like the rest of dh's family supports you - you MIL will probably hear about this for years to come.

Not Molly. Or anyone sinister at all, really. Just a bored reader

cc if you're so above all this stop reading and posting
It's not difficult!
Go back to reading the beano intellectual books you must read

Applause for THUM - you have handled all this brilliantly.

Have great lunch - do remember to go somewhere very expensive posh.

Still curious as to what on earth the MIL was playing at. Surely the whole point of being a toxic bitch is to be subtle about it? She must have known that not only would THUM find out about it (even if she hadn't accidentally on purpose sent that text), but that the entire extended family of sisters and cousins and aunts would too. And not be impressed.

please stop interacting with the troll.

Relax, I'm not interacting. I have a different view, it's allowed

Possible reasoning behind "didn't want you to find out this way": He really didn't know what MIL was up to and meant he didn't want OP to find out about (supposedly) not being invited to christening. He was trying to spare OP's feelings for not being invited.

Doesn't excuse the deceit, but it sounds like OP's DH prefers to be clueless and stick his head in sand. He wouldn't have called his cousin, b/c he wouldn't want to get involved. He doesn't like conflict, especially when it's with his domineering mother. It was easier to go along with MIL and not tell OP b/c then her feelings wouldn't get hurt. (Or so he may have thought.)

Obviously H is not very switched on, as how could OP not find out about christening? That is the mind boggling thing.

THUM you have handled it all brilliantly so far. I hope that your DH decides to figure out what is important and apologises for lying and deceiving you. It is appalling, childish behaviour on his part and he needs to step up and stick up for you and YOUR family.

As far as MIL is concerned, it is so hard to take the high road, but I think you are right to. People like your MIL feed off of perceived weakness and if you go in guns blazing/crying/shouting/threatening, it may backfire. MIL can blame you for being horrible to her and alienate you from DH's family even more. It's all part of her plan, I'm afraid. People like this are very calculating as you've learned from her text.

It is a shame you feel you can't go to the christening (I would be thinking, "she's won, she's won! Can't let her win!" and would go anyway!) but do what you feel is best.

I think the MIL is either too arrogant or stupid to realise this could backfire. I think she wanted THUM to find out, and be upset and have a huge row with dh.

Sadly, MIL has judged THUM by her own (MIL's) standards, and as THUM hasn't reacted like a child, MIL will be very wrong footed

Message withdrawn

Hope you have a lovely day today and get some pleasure out of ripping MIL to shreds socializing with your SIL over a nice lunch. I hope you keep us up to speed as and when your DH retrieves his testicles from the jar on your MIL's mantelpiece

What JFly says.

Thum, I am thinking you don't want to create a scene on Sunday, so you are choosing not to go. That is so considerate of you, will be interesting to see if your CIL manages to persaude you to go as I am sure she will be wanting you to.

Your DH is unfortunately still acting with his head in the sand. Can't believe he chooses to go for a drink after work rather than come back to you, knowing the hurt & upset he has caused. I really think it would be an excellent idea to show him this thread to let him know just how other people regard the actions of your MIL and DH. It will make pretty hard reading for him, but hopefully he will get the message that this behaviour is just not acceptable and that he needs to reassess his priorities. Good luck

Well done THUM - you sound much happier today, I'm glad you talked but still a bit stunned by H's lack of spine (not commenting any further on that - bloody mummy's boy!)- I just can't imagine how he or his mother could look each other in the eye, him knowing what she's done and her knowing he knows
NOW go max his credit card and have a nice day.

Just think how it would feed MIL's ego to know that her actions have given rise to 940 posts on an MN thread!

Thum as it already been said, you do need to talk more.
Make sure your in the room when he tells his lovely mother, he can easily say hes done and hasnt. He needs to know this has upset and hurt your feelings and more importantly on your side.

Not sure if I would go on Sunday would need to see how it goes tonight. I would be annoyd he isnt coming straight home, possible dh has picked up a few of mummy dearests traits. HISWAY..

Well done you! What a star!

Please don't start another thread without telling me

Glad you got to talk last night and didnt have to stew. Well done on the credit card. Enjoy yourself. Eager to hear how it resolves.

As I said previously, you'll have to see less of the old witch and that is a good outcome if nothing else.

"I must admit I feel kinda sorry for DH, MIL is and will always be his mum and I DO NOT want to come between them. I sincerely hope that if I ever have a DS that I do not act like my MIL has towards my DIL and that I would treat my DIL with the love ansd respect she would deserve.

DH thinks this is normal, he has been brought up like this, to me his family dynamic is odd as my family arer not like that, but to him it is completely normal and I have to take that ito account. "

this rings some alarm bells for me. Please remember that now it is not about saving the relationship between your MIL and her son. It's about ensuring yours stays at the top for the benefit of your DD.

My exh also found it completely normal, so, as you can appreciate from my name... MILs can be quite powerful. So, sorry to say this, this is a war. Don't give your MIL as many opportunites as I did, you and your DD may end up paying a expensive price

I can guarantee that MIL will swear that this was all a mistake. That she'd misunderstood something that CIL had said and was trying desperately to avoid hurting THUM's feelings. Absolutely no malice intended, indeed quite the opposite.

Shall I take bets??

If that canterbury person is actually anything to do with the place I would like to offer my services to go round and unplug their computer, if anyone thinks it would help.

Yep! I'm with you, Freckle. Although the lengthy silence since she received THUM's text yesterday afternoon will count against her.

Ignore her Flight. She wasn't even offering an opinion on the OP's predicament. She was just being nasty.

Just caught up with last night's events. Seriously impressed with the way you handled it THUM, I think you have really educated him.
Really well done.

She does need to realise that he is a sensible bloke who loves a woman who is nOT HER and is prepared to stand up for you.

It's classic jealousy I think and you've got a brilliant chance to stop it in its tracks - it's also underhand bullying and I am so pleased that you and DH are going to sort it out.

Excellent stuff!