I've just received a text from MIL which I think was meant for DH and it has upset me.

[Thishasupsetme]

The message said 'Looking forward to Sunday, I'll pick you and DGD up at 1.30pm for X's christening, remember not to mention it to DW'
DH has told me that he is going to take DD out for a few hours on Saturday to give me some time to myself, but it looks like he is going to his family members christening and I am not invited.
I didn't know I had upset anyone. DD was christed 6 months ago now and all of his family were invited and his cousin is DD godmother.
I am really upset. I don't know if I should mention it to him or hust leave it.

THUM Sorry you are having to put up with crap like this.

You are godmother to cousins dc - have i got that right?

Could MIL be jealous of that and be trying to drive a wedge between you and cousin?

Just a thought. I'm probably completely wrong though. It is getting late.

Hope you manage to sleep okay tonight and get it sorted in the morning.

((((hugs))))

THUM,

I really think you need to listen to your DHs side fo the story. From what you have posted, you and he haven't really talked about what has happened this evening. I am thinking that if your cousin gave your MIL the invitation and she told them that you couldn't go, could she also have told your DH that you weren't invited for some baffling reason and tried to manipulate the situation/your DH from both angles?

Of course your DH could have/should have raised the subject before but if he was trying to spare your feelings and was between a brick and a hard place then I do actually feel for him as well as you right now.

I think when you have calmed down, you need to ask your DH to explain exactly what was said and what went on, to hear him out without any interruptions or prompting so you have a very clear picture of the whole mess.

I would then suggest your DH needs to decide where his priorities lie, with his mother or with his wife and the mother of his children. If he decides you, then I would suggest your put a brave face on and go to the Christening and present a united front as your family unit (DH, you and DD) and that DH has a word with his mother that you are his priority, that he nearly lsot his wife over her scheming.

It is up to you how you play it with your DGD, but personally I could not use my own child as a pawn in family rifts as kids want to see their GPs and she is your DHs mother even if she is a bitter old witch.

Just trying to offer a balance to the string him up by his bollocks view...

I am truly sorry you are going through all of this - tbh I would be upstairs now poking that man till he woke up and talked properly. He really does need to pull himself together and get on with the job of being your husband, not some little boy tied to mama's apron strings.

cadix, that is awful, horrible to pull children into the fucked up lives of adults and expect them to lie. for your DD.

Thum have you not chucked bucket of iced water yet?

You should not sleep on this - tis too big.

Dontlook Dh's cousin is godmother to our DD and her DD was my bridesmaid. I love DH's family as my own (apart from MIL, I fucking hate her atm).

I must say though that I dont think Dh knew I was invited, he is just not that nasty, even for a quiet life.

THUM Iam gald for you that cousin has sent such a nice text and you know that it is not a wider family 'issue'
At least the wider family will now see what BITCH LIL is nad what a spinless twat your OH is.
You still DESERVE a proper explantion form him and make sure you get one.
Bleess you this thread has wound me up more than any ohther on here

i reckon he is behaving like this as he doesnt see anything wrong in such lies and deceipt. To him, this is probably normal behaviour, and you said you were aware your MIL has done this kind of thing to others than you. How do you know this is the first time you have been excluded? How many other occasions has your dh gone, with or without your dd, to some family event, where your absence has been orchestrated by your MIL.

Do you want to stay a part of this family? Do you feal that you are a part of this family?

Your Dh is a wanker and a tosspot of the highest order.

Thank you all, i am going to try to get some sleep now I am so tired.

Thank you

night night.

Just read thru 32 pages!

So sorry for your situation.

Can I just say one thing. Please think twice about packing a bag for you and dd and going. My friend did this and her h changed the locks! She got back in eventually, but it made things very difficult.

I hope tomorrow brings better things. Sounds like mil is a manipulative woman. Don't give her the satisfaction of you leaving your home.

Thum you are right but I am dealing with it without ds knowing - as much as is in my control. He is put under a lot of pressure from xp family. Fortunate that your's is still not that aware.

You must sort this now - if you are not 100% sure that you can work this out with dh on side, I would suggest you begin keeping a record of unreasonable behaviour from your MIL. Will be invaluable in the future.

Err on the side of caution. In my experience.

For what its worth, I think your dh is weak but not beyond help.

xxx

hope you are able to get some sleep and that you have a better day tomorrow, btw fish and chips on the prom sound lovely
cx

Ah sorry. I got confused.

From what I've read i did wonder if dh didn't know you weren't even invited.

The cousin obviously wants you there, I'd go for her sake.

Either way, hope you get it sorted.

To offer an alternative male perspective; your DH is being a cock-knocker and is tied to his manipulative mother's apron strings.

Time for him to grow up.

Good night, I hope you get some sleep and are able to talk to your husband in the morning. Good luck!

Soapbox,

Yes, DH has not behaved well, but you need to step back from using words like 'betrayal'. I honestly think that he has got boxed into a corner and doesn't know how to get out. Yes, in theory, but I hope not in practice, THUM could cut him no slack whatsoever...but where will that really get her? Heaven knows, we've all done things we're not proud of and have tried to patch up, probably very clumsily. Don't think I'm saying that THUM does not have every right to feel upset, that DH has not behaved well and that he needs to explain things without necessarily being let off the hook, but MIL is a fact and is there to stay, however horribly she has behaved. I know of several other relationships with MIL like THUM's where DW has had to find a way of dealing with MIL that doesn't involve forcing DH to choose between DW or MIL.

TashaE's husband again and for the last time. Off to bed to feed the 3 month old DS.

i,d 100% make sure myself or my dd did,nt go to be honest i,d be well pissed off hubby out of orders here i think

Message withdrawn

He is a good dad and husband, but I cannot be with him if I have to put up with his mother anymore. I cannot have her so prolific in my life, I need DH to fight my corner, and to do so becuase he wants to not because he feels he has to DYSWIM.

Ok so you get divorced - this doesn't mean that granny goes away. Oh no she will forever be in your life it may be in small doeses but she will still be there. Still no support you will be on your own to deal with it or you will also have a new dh telling you or getting annoyed with the "granny stunt" (whatever her latest stunt is cos she will keep at the stunts) and you will not only be piggy in the middle but really annoyed with her aswell and it will still be there.

He is a good dad, he is a good dh - he needs a little more helping to realise that you and dd come first, you and dd need to come first and he needs to be allowed to at least learn this?

Perhaps his coming to realise that if he doesn't grow up and put his dd and wife first he will lose them and be stuck with mummy forever... man

I would go just to show MIL she can try her best
BUT it won`t work.
Your DHs family now

Piss on her parade

This is quite extraordinary. Sorry for you

I am sorry that your MIL is a prize cow but your DH is being absurd. But you're being weirdly passive in all this - have you allowed this sort of behaviour before?

First of all your DH does this, then when you find out, he doesn't rush back to apologise, then he says he's going to bed because he doesn't want to talk about it, and now you are even thinking of going to this wretched christening. Erm, why aren't you putting your foot down about what is frankly entirely unacceptable behaviour?

ok, just read this whole thread. i've gotta find out the end to this mystery.