I've just received a text from MIL which I think was meant for DH and it has upset me.

[Thishasupsetme]

The message said 'Looking forward to Sunday, I'll pick you and DGD up at 1.30pm for X's christening, remember not to mention it to DW'
DH has told me that he is going to take DD out for a few hours on Saturday to give me some time to myself, but it looks like he is going to his family members christening and I am not invited.
I didn't know I had upset anyone. DD was christed 6 months ago now and all of his family were invited and his cousin is DD godmother.
I am really upset. I don't know if I should mention it to him or hust leave it.

DH just rang he is nearly home after working away for 3 days so gotta go, good luck THUM let us know how you get on, be strong and don't take any shit! Peace. xxxx

Right I'm going to stop lurking on this thread and go and have an "interesting discussion" with dp re this twatty mil and see if he spots any similarities....

Bloody hell - and please believe me, THUM I don't want to make light of your situation - but this is like an episode of Eastenders (actually a month's worth of episodes!).

You MUST stay strong. Retain the moral high ground.

I jokingly suggested this a while ago, but maybe you should show this thread to your dh.

I am just at this what a twat he is ..what a cow she is tell em both to do one

OK, I have finally caught up on all of this - has he still not explained himself?

I'm sorry to say that if he wasn't somehow involved in this then he wouldn't be acting so guilty.

Whatever you decide to do it has to make him realise that he can't treat you like this.

I would text MIL from your dh phone pretending to be him.

something along the lines of "DW & DD are the most important people in my life so I don't think I'll be seeing much of you again, sorry"

We have all been with you since this kicked off - if ever an MNer has has the righteous indignation of an entire site it is you THUM! I really hope you can get some answers out of him, and be assured we will be around for virtual wine, manly MN thumps to the shoulder and even (shh) hugs when needed, plus the option of a mass lynching of either or both the guilty parties in this! Will keep checking in to see how you are getting on....good luck, you are doing great!

I'm with Custardo. I'd have a bucket of iced water in my hand heading upstairs this minute and dump it all over him. To be honest it would have to be that or I'd be up for spousal abuse. I'd be dug out of the fucker.

My blood is rising just reading this. What an absolute spineless asshole. He went off to play video games and then had the cheek to ask what's for dinner and brush your text under the carpet and pretend all was hunky dory.

Brilliant advice all the way through from all of you. Restores my faith in MN.

There is an upside though. You can cut that bitch of a MIL out of your lives. She is in competition with you re your dc! After this, I wouldn't let that bitch within a mile of my child ever.

[angr y]

Oh, and dont leave. Have his bag packed and outside the door tomorrow. Why should you uproot yourself and the dc. Let him run home to mummy.

Cargirl - that's naughty! But GREAT !

i'm liking that cargirl

OOh yes do what cargirl says.
Stroke of genius

I like it Cargirl

THUM, so sorry that your H is being so useless. I think you are exactly right to give him another chance to explain and then ask him to give you a bit of space for a few days if his explanation doesn't come up to scratch. Hope you are as all right as you can be. I really think you should not leave. If anyone goes anywhere it should be him, as you have done nothing wrong. And I'd think about calling MiL in the morning if you think you can cope (don't do it while drunk!) and asking her to explain her actions, too. A very clear, cold, exact question - "What did you think you were doing when you texted me and why do you think it would be all right to exclude me from a family occasion which I was actually invited to?' - is about the right tone, I think. Don't let her bluster or smudge things. If she can't give you a response or won't then just tell her she can talk to you when she is making sense and hang up. As far as your husband is concerned, I'd take the same tactic. Just ask the important questions - why did you lie to me, why did you think it was all right not to tell me what you were doing etc and if he won't answer then say 'In that case, I really need you to leave the house as I am very angry that you won't talk to me like an adult'. Maybe you could get your bro to come over in the morning and back you up?

This is the greatest blast of righteous indignation against a MIL since the one who pierced the dd's ears with full knowledge of the dh.

LOVE cargirl's suggestion.

Wigglesworth

No, am not a pysch but I do have a MIL who by her very nature is controlling.

Forgive my two pennyworth here, so late in the proceedigs, but I am not sure if anyone has touched on the fact that MIL could of deliberately sent you the text.

Just a thought but if she was sendiing it to hubby, would she need to remind him she was going to the christening, would she not just say " see you tomorrow", and I dare say if she has instigated this like she appears to of then I think she might of even planted the "excuse" idea in his head, so why not send a text saying, looking forward to going to the park with you and DD tomorrow?

YOu have to prepare yourself for the option she might of known exactly what she was doing by sending it.

If it was me, I would speak to hubby in the morning say ok this is the deal I have spoken to CIL she was shocked that I wasnt going, and as it is a family affair I will be attending, this matter is shelved till after the christening as I dont want to spoil it etc, family is more important then anything. I would then turn up and be the most perfectly pleasent hapy and cheerful I could be. that often confuses people and unsettles them!

Then have this out with him after the christening, he is a twat today and still will be sunday night but might of sweated on it by then.

Right. DH is telling me to "step away from the PC." He's right. I've been cursing the DH and the MIL, but didn't realise it was out loud!
Hope you get a reasonable night's sleep, THUM. And that he doesn't.

Thank you all so much for all of you advice and support, I really need it.

I have been on the phone to my DSIL, she has had to stop my DB coming round to 'see' DH.

Dh is still in bed, I think he is actually asleep now .

I could go on Sunday although I dont much feel like it atm. TBH I would rather take DD out for the day to the prom and have fish and chips on the beach, maybe get DSIL and my nephew to come with us.

The silver lining is I never have to see MIL again and DD will not have very much to do with her.
I want my mum but she will be so mad at DH and my dad is porrley atm and I dont want to worry or upset them.

when dp wakes up (personally I would be waking him up) explain that you have spoken to cousin and she has told you that you were invited to the christening and that she told your MIL of this but MIL told her you were unavailable. Be very calm ask him for an explanation. Explain how hurt and upset you are by mother in laws action that you have been worried that you have upset your friend and that, then explain how betrayed you feel by him keeping a secret from you and that that is absolutely the worst thing of all. DO not resort to retaliation because you will lose the high ground, don't shout and scream, don't injure him - though I'd understand if you did - be very very calm and speak in a very quiet and steady voice you know the one you use when you are REALLY angry not the loud one you use when you are mad.

awww THUM, i'm not suprised you want your mum. I'm glad you have us at least. Good luck with sorting it out

HOW CAN HE POSSIBLY SLEEP?

THUM, if you sleep on the couch, sleep well, make sure you rip the duvet of his back though. You better be comfortable. Sleep tight x

If it were me I'd be very tempted to go on Sunday but make DH promise NOT to tell his mum you were going

Good for your SIL and DB, Thum.
Hope you manage to get some rest and then kick some ass tomorrow.
You have all of us behind you (am quite het up on your behalf).
This doesn't mean the end of your marriage, but it does need sorting, your H can't sleep forever and he needs to sort his priorities out.