I've just received a text from MIL which I think was meant for DH and it has upset me.

[Thishasupsetme]

The message said 'Looking forward to Sunday, I'll pick you and DGD up at 1.30pm for X's christening, remember not to mention it to DW'
DH has told me that he is going to take DD out for a few hours on Saturday to give me some time to myself, but it looks like he is going to his family members christening and I am not invited.
I didn't know I had upset anyone. DD was christed 6 months ago now and all of his family were invited and his cousin is DD godmother.
I am really upset. I don't know if I should mention it to him or hust leave it.

I do think that the MIL deserves to have to explain herself. Probably best left til THUM is feeling calmer about it all. Then she could ask her, icily, why she wanted to play such a nasty and unkind trick, when in the past they'd had a good (ish?) relationship. Shame her into acknowledging her actions.

why is everyone putting all the blame on the mil here.

Imo dh is equally if not more at fault than she is.

He accepted that his dw was not invited, then cooked up a story to get her to let him have their dd, while all the while planning to go to this christening.

I wonder too if there's someone else...

custardo. well that's one way to get him up

I have had 3 glasses of wine and I dont often drink in the house, but tbh feeling a little calmer. It is like is isn't happening to me iyswim.

No wannabe. I think the DH has received his fair share of derision and scorn on here too!

Atila gives good advice (seen her advice on many threads about controlling parents, which mine happen to be!). Your DH needs to make his choice now, you or his fucking toxic hag of a mother! She doesn't ever sound like she will change and if he sides with her I would say she is welcome to him and she wouldn't be playing Mum to DD anymore as she wouldn't fucking see her. Give him the ultimatum.

THUM a bit of dutch courage is fab, but don't get shitfaced and start blurting stuff out/crying, you'll be really pissed off with yourself in the morning!

So THUM, is he asleep? I mean really asleep? Coz I think that would just about be the last straw for me. That he could zzz like a baby after putting me through hell. Go and wake him....

when u finish the bottle THUM GO UPSTAIRS & SMASH IT OVER HIS HEAD !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What Greensleeves said.

TBH, I'd GO to the christening. Be happy and smiley for his cousin. Possibly leave DD with your DB AND DSIL.

In the meantime, dh owes you an explanatoin.

Oh THUM , how abominable of her. That is just despicable behaviour. Dh should be ashamed of himself for going along with it, but I have to agree with Attila that he may have become conditioned to appeasing her. I think it's very common for people to not be able to free themselves from the dysfunctional behaviour that they grew up with. But this should be a turning point for your relationship and hopefully he will see that.

I agree with VVQV and Greeny... you go to christening, take dd yourself. hold your head high and show you have no part of this... You're much much better than them

phone the bitch, in fact give me the number and I'll phone the bitch.

Have you checked his phone at all? Your mind must be in such turmoil. I doubt you will sleep much tonight, wine or no wine.

HEard a goo joke that may be apt here:

Men are like a pack of cards.
It takes a heart to love them.
A diamond to marry them.
A club to beat them around the head with.
And a spade to bury them.

Think OP should heed the last two lines.
I stil think you deserve an explanation fro m him tho.

I'm right behind you THUM- I NEVER get shitfaced during the week and rarely at home but dearie me, this is more than a bit crap- especially if things had been rolling along before now. You need to try to get through to him. Presumably he'll be up to go to work in the morning and you won't have a chance to talk then- so what are your plans? You have to make some decisions but after copious amounts of vino you are probably best making them in the morning

"I do think that the MIL deserves to have to explain herself. Probably best left til THUM is feeling calmer about it all. Then she could ask her, icily, why she wanted to play such a nasty and unkind trick, when in the past they'd had a good (ish?) relationship. Shame her into acknowledging her actions".

In normal healthy functioning family relationships this could be possible. But this MIL is controlling - a different kettle of fish entirely. Overt controlling behaviours often arise out of a deep seated anxiety. Both THUM and her H are not responsible for her behaviours; both these people have certainly not caused MIL to become controlling. They are both victims of her controlling ways (by the way I am not excusing her H's actions here). Also people with controlling personalities cannot hide their true nature forever, it was inevitable that after a period of niceness her true colours would emerge.

I don't personally think that this MIL will apologise to THUM personally; instead she may well deny any wrong doing and mean it as well (that's the scary bit).

Doublebluff, saw that joke on Jack Dee last night, i liked it too lol

I would turn up all glam and be the life and soul of the party afterwards!!

Attila, are you psychologist? You are very good at this, you are scaring me.

Well, I suppose there's something to be said for showing the MIL that her actions have back-fired, by turning up at the Christening playing happy families with DH. After all, Victoria Beckham managed it.

If you can only bear to be in the same room as him.

Right, this thread has ruled my life since before dinner time so I am grudgingly going to retire. THUM, good luck with your bawbag husband- finish the bottle then go to bed too- if you have a spare room then excellent- if not the couch is calling xx

I reckon MIL has cooked the whole thing up from start to finish to try and split THUM and hubby up. She sound's like a right spiteful witch.

If I were you and hubby explained that he genuinely thought you hadn't been invited then I would make his life hell for a while for still been so underhand. But I wouldn't give the MIL that satisfaction of splitting. Instead I'd drop all contct with her, including not letting her see the dd again. She sounds so toxic so as not to be a good influence on the dd.

If however I found out hubby knew you'd been invited but was going along with the "lets not tell THUM" game then he'd be toast.

Oh man I am missing buzzcocks cos of this, and I never miss buzzcocks!