I've just received a text from MIL which I think was meant for DH and it has upset me.

[Thishasupsetme]

The message said 'Looking forward to Sunday, I'll pick you and DGD up at 1.30pm for X's christening, remember not to mention it to DW'
DH has told me that he is going to take DD out for a few hours on Saturday to give me some time to myself, but it looks like he is going to his family members christening and I am not invited.
I didn't know I had upset anyone. DD was christed 6 months ago now and all of his family were invited and his cousin is DD godmother.
I am really upset. I don't know if I should mention it to him or hust leave it.

I happen to have done that too custardo. Works a treat.

It may be that MIL did tell him that THUM wasn't invited and not to tell her. He might have gone along with it, but now he's seen her "mistaken" text, is realising just what his mother has been up to. And he's under that duvet, trying to come to terms with how he's going to deal with the incontravertible evidence that his mother is a bitch and that his wife knows about it.

Doesn't excuse him at all, but am just clutching at straws really....

Some MIL are just twisted spiteful people who love to spoil what they have not got. Speaking from experience here.

I have been wondering the same thing for a few pages now, whomovedmychocolate, but surely no man is that stupid, to take another woman to a family event like that?

ihateliars - dunno about that my MiL is an evil wotsit and she's got other kids. I think it's in the job description to think your DiL is crap at parenting and looking after your children isn't it?

Bucket of water may be called for if he won't get out of bed.

A few have suggested turning up on Sunday. Whilst that would all play out so fantastically in the mind's eye, complete with a Dynasty-style theme tune I would advise that you please don't go to the christening whilst things are as they are. The cousin seems to be the innocent party in this awful debacle, and it is not fair on her, her DH or their child to have their day ruined by this horrible situation. Let them have their day.

Still fucking speechless about the spineless twat of a husband you have.

Not only has MiL lied to you, she has lied to the cousin too - saying you couldnt come!!

and i would phone MIL up and tell her she is a prize cow.

and its not easy, and not my style, but i would

need to show the bitch who is alpha female in your family, if you keep laying there whilst she shits on you then you will continue to get shat on.

ring ring
ring ring

"hello"

"FOUND OUT ABOUT THE CHRISTENING, YOU ARE A COW"

replace handset, take off the hook. in fact stand on it so you cant be tempted to anser it - they only cost £4 from argos.

Does sound like the MIL fancies herself as a substitute mother to your DD.
Esp as you got on OK before she arrived, maybe her arrival tipped the MIL over the edge into insanity/wanting to be a mum again?
Weird but explainable - but still not acceptable.

And DH's behaviour is SO not on. FGS what kind of behaviour to hide under the duvet????

Is your sofa comfy? if so, pour water all over the bed and get yourself comfy on the sofa!!!

Actually I think what clam says has it. He has been forced to confront what a total witch his mother is and doesn't know what to do. So he is hiding under the covers like a small child.

Pathetic.

georgimama - oooh I've seen it happen. I've even seen the photos where they are standing with hands held where they think no-one can see. People in love are stooopid (sorry love, I meant lust).

whomovedmychocolate

Yeah i agree that most MIL's have sort of handbook they receive about treatin DIL like shit but any1 who goes to these extremes has got to have an underlying problem cuz this is jusy plain evil

lol at £4 from Argos

You need to sort this out now! Your "D"H is using this time to figure out a good excuse to come at you with. Don't give the c**t the chance, leaving it till tomorrow won't help and you won't sleep tonight cos of this anyway.

I love "alpha female"! Reminds me of the end of Heathers:

"Heather my love, there's a new sheriff in town."

My Dh has had to accept that his mum is not exactly nice and he always, always takes my side and limits my exposure to her for this reason. Marriage means you put your partner's needs and that of your kids before your parents IMHO. Otherwise you're a spineless moron who deserves to be left old and alone.

THUM,

I am wondering what MIL's motive is. Having re-read the initial posting the text message sound completely plausible to me; its the sort of thing someone with a controlling domineering personality would write.

I am not excusing your husband's actions and responses at all because he is completely spineless. However, I think he has been conditioned over the years to accept his Mother's behaviour as somehow "normal".

I would like to know what his Father's role is in all this too; my guess is that his role is one of bystander and has allowed her controlling behaviours to go unchecked (for wanting a quiet life).

THUM - you have my sympathies. Controlling people are very difficult to deal with. People who do not come from families where controlling is the norm can think that talking to these people will trigger something and somehow change their behaviours. It will not.

I would also suggest having Relate counselling; either separately or together. She will end up trying to control you both for the rest of her days - you need to take some power back.

Another book recommendation - "Controlling People" written by Patricia Evans.

Once again, am very sorry you're going through this.

What really gets on my tits is that your MIL and then your DH (to whatever degree) have made decisions about your life and now your DH is making MORE f'ing decisions for you, eg he doesn't want to talk. HE doesn't want to talk. How charmingly disempowering. Where is the equality in this situation? Why are his emotional needs to be met (he is uncomfortable about discussing this) and yours aren't. Cheeky, cheeky little man. Arrggghhhhhhhh

Flipping heck! Just caught up with this thread. What a cowardly twat your DH is being. And as for your MIL on your behalf.

If it was me there would be absolutely no way I could leave it till the morning - you must truly have the patience of a saint. Am rather liking custardo's suggestion about covering the bed with water - though read it first as pissing in it, which actually would be a much more satisfying thing to do...

Hope you get some proper answers out of the spineless shit of a husband.

Very sorry you're going through this.

Insist he gets up to talk now. Damn well insist. Find out if he knew you were invited and it is him and MIL who are bitches or if he didn't and it's just MIL that is a bitch.

agree that I suspesct text sent on purpose.. its the kind of mental thing someone who is seemingly so keen on control would do

oh my god what a bitch. i rarely swear here but what a crazy bitch.

it is so awful as it sounds like your dh would be ok without her evil influence.

wtf is her problem?! i'm really .

text message sounds completely congruent to me too, but then I also have a barking malicious hellion of a mother

Atilla, to a not so severe degree, MIL and FIL are like that. FIL likes a quiet life and MIL can be a bit mental.

They are both much improved in recent years, as is DH who is now aware that actually, yes, his parents are barking and no it isn't him. Now they are getting elderly (and now he is a parent himself) he is able to be much more understanding.

Also helps that MIL is very deferential to her DILs (that should be DsIL shouldn't it?) and doesn't try to pull on the apron strings.

This is in another league though.