I've just received a text from MIL which I think was meant for DH and it has upset me.

[Thishasupsetme]

The message said 'Looking forward to Sunday, I'll pick you and DGD up at 1.30pm for X's christening, remember not to mention it to DW'
DH has told me that he is going to take DD out for a few hours on Saturday to give me some time to myself, but it looks like he is going to his family members christening and I am not invited.
I didn't know I had upset anyone. DD was christed 6 months ago now and all of his family were invited and his cousin is DD godmother.
I am really upset. I don't know if I should mention it to him or hust leave it.

Or you could text MIL and ask her to make sure she brings a transit van to pick him up on Sunday, as he will be needing to bring all his worldy possessions with him. And that she can kiss goodbye to seeing DD in the near future.
Let's hope DH's cousin is busy filling in the rest of the family on what MIL has done. With any luck they'll cold-shoulder her on Sunday. If the cousin still allows her to go still...

Am totally with WMMC on this, you don't leave, sne dyour spineless dick of a H back to his Mummy.
Pair of scheming tossers.

Am so angry for you.

I can't type fast enough and keep up with this!
He is a twat.
Tell him you've phoned cousin (I thought she may be in the clear) and its all down to him and MIL.
She's probably sitting there cackling over her cauldron so DO NOT phone her, without sorting out that dickhead upstairs.
I also WOULD NOT leave. It's your home, you've done nothing wrong. Pack him a bag and sling the fucker out.
Getting a second glass of wine now I am so angry.
Does he think you'll have forgotten by tomorrow??????
You are doing SO well - I'd be a complete hysterical wreck by now

I must be losing it.......I don't think it is all that bad.

Being compared to as being worse than infidelity and all that- WTF?

Just a psycho MIL - what's new?

Obv so I can't type "send your"

But if there was an explanation (like he thought she was not invited) why is he hiding under the duvet, the feckless wanker

I never swear on MN

I haven't read all 25 pages... but are we sure DH was involved and bloody awful MIL didn't lie to him?
Maybe MIL said, cousin said, don't invite OP or something.

There have been a couple of times in our relationship and marriage that MIL has come between us, Dh is a 'head buried in the sand' kinda guy, he just cant deal with things like this, things have to be hunky dory all the time in his life for him to be a responsive person. he is a lovely person 99% of the time and I still love him (dont like he v much at the mo) but he is a good dad and a good all round husband. It is MIL (No excuse for him) but DH is a product of his upbringing and mil can be v odd.

I thought MIl and I had a decent relationship, we used to do all sorts together before I had DD, but now its like it is a competition.

I am staying tonight,I will try to talk to him tomorrow morning, if he refuses I am going to tell him to expect his bags packed when he gets home and that he can stay away for a few days.

He needs to speak to you and explain why he agreed to go along with his mother and lie to you about the christening.

What a horrible person (mil) she must be, wouldn't be easy but you should go to the christening without dh, maybe your db and sil and show mil that you are a stronger and better person than she will ever be.

dh has just called your mil a bitch ! Either she wanted to just take your dd and your dh insisted on accompanying or they connived to exclude you - either way he has deceived and she has been two faced. Your dh needs to get going with a bloody big spade and very soon to get out of this - going to bed doesn't cut it or make the issue go away.

I am so shocked, what appalling behaviour.

I would go back upstairs, demand either a full explanation or that he leaves the house until he can decide where his loyalties lie.

Good for you - that sounds like a good plan

Bloody hell, I just went through to wash the dishes and this has kicked off again . I may need to take up smoking again if this keeps up.

Serously though, there is more too this.

Well done you for keeping your hands off him

MIL - Call your mil & tell her she'll never get to see YOUR dd ever again if she continues with her stupid games. How dare she do this. You will forward her message to all the family for them to see.

Your DH - Tell him he talks now or he's out on the street.

I agree with Sherby that MIL may not have told OP's DH that OP was invited, hence the reason why he's not giving her an answer. It is a possibility.

I'm soo slow.. as always

Givepeasachance, I think being treated by her husband and his mother like the incubator for his children who isn't good enough to be included in family events is much much worse than adultery. I really do.

read whole thread, this is all horrible ... BUT not worth calling a halt to your marriage over, just yet is it? Really depends on past history with DH and if this is unusual or par for the course.

why not take the wind out of his sails? he is cowering under the duvet, expecting grief from you - tears, shouting, name-calling. I would go upstairs, calmly sit on the bed, peel back the duvet and say very pleasantly "I have spoken to cousin who says MIL was told to invite us all, but MIL for some reason told her only you and DD could go. I now know that you and MIL had decided not to include me. Please can you tell me why? I would really like to know what is going on. That's not unreasonable is it?"

If he continues to be an idiot, well then roll on with the tears and yelling that you really want to unleash. If he thinks he's going to be shouted at he's just going to withdraw. and you need to know what lies behind this very bizarre behaviour. if you go in all nicey-nicey he may think that you don't see it as a big deal, in the way that he obviously doesn't think it is a big deal.

GivePeasAChance
I think it is worse than an affair. It is so deliberate and deceitful. He lied to her.

And worse than the lie (which was bad enough) is his reaction.

Not to come home, to go to his pals to play a fecking computer game, then to come in acting as if nothing was wrong. FFS, how upsetting is that?

It is the total lack of respect that he is showing, the fact that he seems uninterested in what she is doing or feeling.

I don't think you should leave, it is your house and you are trying to sort things out unlike your DH. He is stonewalling you (very male response) because he is scared but he needs to tell you the truth.

Do you think MIL just fancied playing mummy for the day and your DH, being spineless, just went along with it?

How dare they!

(((t.h.u.m)))

If it wasn't for the MiL having a track history of monstering, I'd be deeply suspicious of DH wanting you out the way at the christening. I take it you are sure he's not actually seeing someone else and she's going? Something has tipped his MiL from general dislike to active conspiracy - perhaps she thinks the relationship is doomed because of someone else (sorry!)

I wouldn't let him lie there scheming and emoting until morning. He's an adult - tell him to get up and find his bollocks, you need to talk!

Is ur MIL widowed or seperated? is ur dh an only child? these cud be reasons why she is such a bitch!!!!!!!!Loneliness can do strange things to ppl (not that im excusing this behaviour, infact id fucking kill her if she was my mil)

Maybe she is jealous of you because u have her ds and she has no1, am just guessing here

well not a mature way of dealing with it - but i have in the past - when dh has done such a thing - soaked the bed piss wet through with water - so NO FUCKER can sleep on it.

i wouldnt let him sleep

no siree