I've just received a text from MIL which I think was meant for DH and it has upset me.

[Thishasupsetme]

The message said 'Looking forward to Sunday, I'll pick you and DGD up at 1.30pm for X's christening, remember not to mention it to DW'
DH has told me that he is going to take DD out for a few hours on Saturday to give me some time to myself, but it looks like he is going to his family members christening and I am not invited.
I didn't know I had upset anyone. DD was christed 6 months ago now and all of his family were invited and his cousin is DD godmother.
I am really upset. I don't know if I should mention it to him or hust leave it.

Your DH has some explaining to do but don't rush into anything.

In your position i would ask for an explanation of whats been going on from him and then start making decisions.

If your marriage is generally happy don't rush into any major decisions.

It is not a definate end of your marriage, you need to find out what is happening, and look at your marriage as a whole.

If this has been the only mishap then it is workoutable.

What's your relationship usually like?

Can you email the cousin instead of phoning her, if you don't feel up to talking to her?

I also agree with checking his mobile to see who he's phoned this afternoon.

I am soooooo for you!

I wouldn't leave, if anything pack him a bag, but say that you want an explanation NOW! He owes you that, he seems so childish, if goes to sleep it will all be OK in the morning??? WTF?!

Late comer to this, but have read the whole thread. With everyone else to say so for you. How unbelievable.

Ring the cousin, get an answer from direct from her - it's her 'do' after all. Surely she knows who she has invited or not and the reasons why.

Shame you feel you have to be the one to leave, so make a lot of noise in the bedroom as you pack. He might suddenly wake up when he realises what you're doing.

Get yourself around some people who care about you.

Sod the MIL.

Yes, I think in the absence of your husband giving you any sort of explanation, you should call the cousin. You need to know what lies behind all of this.

Agree with Cali. Your friend might not have any idea you have been excluded. She might even be able to help you get to the botom of things. People may tell her things they won't tell you.
On the other hand if she is involved at least you know where you stand.
Call her first. Deal with the MIL in the cold light of day.

This is awful THUM. I agree ring the cousin and ask what's going on. I wouldn't ring MIL, wouldn't give her the satisfaction TBH as I too don't think that she sent the text by accident. And if she did she will have realised by now and has probably cooked up some story to tell.

If you ask me your should email and ask why if you were invited Totally out of oder for his first question to be 'what's for dinner' he should have come straight home to explain wtf is going on. You should be asking him right now why you were kept out of plans for a family christening.

Why are you going anywhere. Pack him a bag and tell him if he can't be trusted to be a decent human being he can fuck off back to his beloved mother.

He'll then be forced to either turn up at her house looking sheepish (and hey you will compound her opinion of you but what the hell) or he'll have to sleep in his car. Either way he should be the one who doesn't get to relax in his home tonight.

Tell him to just go and not come back till he's prepared to have a serious conversation about it.

stay calm, call his cousin and find out what's going on. When you've some facts go back and talk to him again.

Tempted to say that you should text his mother and ask her to come and pick him up. But really you shouldn't give him the get out clause of either him or you going. keep trying

This is not the end of your marriage, its something you need to work through, though admittedly your DH isn't handling this well at all. If this is the first 'incident' in your marriage, I don't suppose its easy to hear a lot of posters call your DH all the names under the sun, however he is deserving of it atm and you must get answers from your DH.

You must be wary when speaking to your cousin. She may be totally unaware of what is happening. Perhaps she did invite you but for some reason your MIL and DH have decided between them that you shouldn't go. If you are going to ring her, perhaps you should ask her if you were invited first, before flying off the handle.

Whatever happens, you must not let your MIL get away with her part in this. You must speak to her about it. She must be made to feel embarrassed and squirm in front of you with regard to her part in this.

"Don't want to talk about it" What a poor f*cking cop out!!

I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I do think a few days away will make him see sense.

I would be ringing the cousin if I was you.

Yeah. The MIL. What's going on in her head at the moment? If it was on purpose, then the suspense must be killing her. If it was an accident, then she must surely be sh*ing herself and wondering what on earth to do.
Either way, I'd lay money on the fact that she has been in touch with your DH this afternoon.

Thread is going so fast so this may have been suggested but,

Are you sure he hasn't asked for you not to be invited? I know that sounds awful but the way he is behaving is so shockingly poor and the way he is refusing to discuss it just makes you wonder.

I feel for you. Dick!

I don't normally say this, but any chance he is depressed? Because afaik any man who had been caught out somehow would be trying to talk his way out of it, make excuses, fib etc. I have never heard of any man rolling over and saying 'I don't want to talk' thereby burying his head in teh sand and hoping the issue will go away?

Give me your address and I'll come and talk to him: I'm just in the mood!!!!

oh no have to go off pc DH needs to work keep strong THUM we are all rooting for you he has been an absolute arse but if basically decent bloke then after all this is sorted you may have something much stronger always think it is the crap that ultimately binds couples together and wishing you lots of luck and a big hug x

ok

first of all deep breath in

are there any reasons you wouldn't be invited that aren't untoward?
be honest with yourself

no, then

you must decide what to do....in terms of staying with a man who allows this sort of behaviour to happen to his partner and the mother of his children...actually to anyone

If you stay remember that in this position now you call the shots and have the upperhand as you are the injured and hurt party.

I wouldn't give my mil any more power by calling her but would use this to my advantage
no more blahblahblah, ropey present buying,
christmas days etc

You might be hurt now but it will probably work out better for you in the end buying you free time and an ability to not be judged by a nutter.

If you go you still have the upperhand but I doubt you'll leave over this tbh as I doubt this is the first occasion where he has treated you in this manner

I'm sorry that you have been treated like this but honestly use it as an opportunity to examine how you feel about him and being part of a family who would behave in this way

keep hold of the moral high ground though it can be a calm and serene place

Haunting- you haven't met my head burying husband obviously!!!

But why on earth would he do that, myredcardigan? What possible motive for that could there be?

Depressed?!? He'd be fucking suicidal by the time I'd finished with him

He didnt come home straight away because he was crapping it. Won't talk now for the same reason. Probably taken advice from his Ma to just ignore DW and hopefully it will all blow over.

Well, I have called his cousin she sounded really happy to hear from me, and I just basically came out with, 'I heard X is getting christened on Sunday and I was wondering why I hadn't been invited, I hope I have upset you'.

She didn't know anything about it and told me to not be so silly and how could she not invite me. She said she had told my MIL to let Dh and I know about the christening and that MIl had come back a few days later and said that DH and DD can go but I can't make it. She asked if I will be there as she would love me to be, I told her basically what has happened today and she is very and that I will try to make it but that I amy not feel up to it after dealing with DH and later on MIL. She said she understood.

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