I've just received a text from MIL which I think was meant for DH and it has upset me.

[Thishasupsetme]

The message said 'Looking forward to Sunday, I'll pick you and DGD up at 1.30pm for X's christening, remember not to mention it to DW'
DH has told me that he is going to take DD out for a few hours on Saturday to give me some time to myself, but it looks like he is going to his family members christening and I am not invited.
I didn't know I had upset anyone. DD was christed 6 months ago now and all of his family were invited and his cousin is DD godmother.
I am really upset. I don't know if I should mention it to him or hust leave it.

agree you need space but am that its you and dd that has to do the moving out.. but then I suppose not very practical. I think you've handled it amazingly

This is not going to have a happy ending THUM- what a cock. Go somewhere else and get a hug from a RLer. This sucks- my own DH is the master of 'I don't want to talk about it' and you feel like banging your and his heads off the nearest wall. Go pack a bag.

Yes to ringing cousin and, if 10 minutes elapses and he hasn't shown, SIL.
No to ringing MIL, I agree this may be playing into her hands.
Yes to getting out the house with Dd for a few nights, it underlines how serious this is. It sounds as if he is trying to make out that you're making a mountain out of a molehill, which obviously, you're not.

DH said take his car keys too.

agree with tmmsm.

But try v hard to remain neutral and calm. It may not be her fault - she may have been put in a difficult position herself. Wait till you know the facts.

I think you're doing the right thing by getting away.

Do you use a laptop?
If so take it with you so that he can't get access to your emails or see what you've been posting.

i would NOT phone the mil - i REALLY don't think that text was sent to you by accident. I really don't.

I think that phoning your friend would be a good idea - at this point, what on earth do you have to lose? Your friendship? Can you see yourself having any kind of friendship if this goes unresolved?

And yes, I think you should phone your sil and go to her for the weekend. You need some time, and since he hasn't bothered about your feelings in any way so far, I doubt he'd go if you asked him to, I bet he'd ignore you telling him to leave, and just go back to bed!

Did you check the call register on his mobile, to see who he's contacted since your text this afternoon?

This is not the end of your marriage. Don't be so hasty. That's a HUGE decision to make, please don't make it in anger.

thesurburabdryad - thanks sorry, think I mis-read then couldn't breathe!

I would definately phone the mother, and start with saying that you have no problem with not being invited but are very confused about what is happening on Sunday.

Yes, agree with MMJ. Phone the cousin first, see what she has to say, then pour freezing water all over his head phone MIL.

Stay calm, rational and icily polite. They are at fault here, not you.

give me the number ill call her.

I would go away for a few days as well, to give you a bit of space and to have someone else to talk to.

Could you go tomorrow when he is at work, what would his reaction be to coming home to an empty house?

I have never felt so before with someone I have never met!

Have a weird step mil, but luckily dh has the same low opinion of her that I do.

I would also call his cousin, if she is your dd's godmother, she might think it strange that you are not at the christening, if this is all mil's work/stirring.

It doesn't have to be the end- but you do have to show him what a big deal this is- this is not call your bluff time, he needs to realise how much he has screwed up.

LilRed - she said earlier they don't have a car. Which is probably why MIL was going to be picking him up on Sunday.

OMG! I'm so sorry for you, have you rung the lady who's christening it is to find out if you where invited? i mean, if you where, you should know and it shouldn't upset her, if you where nt invited then who cares if you upset her!

fwiw my hair colour has been on way too long reading this thread, so never mind all them DHs dinners not being made, i'm going to end up bald!

going away is a very good idea,

time to calm down, reflect and let him realise what a fuck up he has made.

In bed still wtf

Thishasupsetme - you don't have enough info yet to be seeing this as the end of your marriage IMO.

Yes- he has been a gutless twat and is being fecking and unacceptably uncommunicative. But if this is an isolated (and shocking) episode in your relationship, and if he does talk about it and give you explanation and promise (and obey that promise) to put you and your dd first, then maybe you can mend things.

But without him talking, and you getting the whole story, will be impossible. Could be that a weekend away would prove a jolt sufficient to make him aware of how completely shite his collusion has been.

So sorry to read this update. Do go to your brother and SIL, you need space and time.

I am not the hugging sort, but for the first time ever on MN I wish I could be there with you.

It does not necessarily mean the end of the marriage. Unless he stays in that bed with the duvet over his head for much longer. Can he not see how much worse this reaction is making everything?

agree with otehrs that say it isnt necessarily the end -it might be teh start of him being more honest and grown up and not hiding behind his mil like some kind of child

He's been a wimp - but if you leave, even for a few days, you could make things worse. You need to stay put and be the adult here. Wrong foot his mother, in other words.

If you strop off, she could well say 'Yes she's always been hotheaded, marching off with the baby in the middle of the night etc'

Stand your ground. First sign of trouble and he's hiding in the bedroom. Do NOT run off and hide somewhere too. he hasn't beaten you up, he's not shagging someone else, he's been an arse and lied about something.

I'd ring the cousin and politely demand a full explanation.

I would have been banging on MILs door by now.

25 miles away or not.

Actiually i wouldhave probablt kicked the f*cking thing down.