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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

What a bloody night I've had...

369 replies

SOLOtsofBangers · 05/11/2008 00:30

Dp tells me he has two weeks off. He then tells me 3 days later that he's going on holiday. On his own. Nothing unusual there. I tell him that I'd quite like it if he'd actually spend some time with me for a change(we have never lived together). He leaves as he has a 'meeting' to go to.
I go to my parents house to be told that Dad has cancer...I had my suspicions, but I'm lost really. My son has taken it badly, but Dd too young to understand. Dp rings me before he runs off to his 'meeting' ~ he's late he says. Half hour later he rings again except that he hasn't ~ his phone has dialled my number in his pocket. I can hear a convo going on between a woman and him and he mentions that she hasn't paid for Antigua anyway(joke, joke, joke etc). Antigua, he told me he was going to Egypt! Alone! He's obviously at his house, so I made a quick dash to his with our Dd, knocked on the door, he answered ~ looked shocked. Said I couldn't come in, I asked if 'meeting' had been cancelled, he said he had someone here, it wasn't convenient. I shouted through the house 'hope you have a nice holiday with my boyfriend'. He says you might as well come in now then, it's out in the open.
She's not quite what I would have imagined her to be. He's very good looking, she's not and it's not just me being bitchy, because I'm really not that sort. I asked her how long she's been seeing him and she says....
4 years!.
I've been with him for 4 years! I'm so bloody angry. She didn't know about me or our Dd.
Anyway, I shouted a bit, really wanted to hit him but I wont lower myself to that.
I think I've spoiled their holiday...
I don't really want to hear 'get shot of him' tbh. I just needed to vent. I'm hurting so badly. I wanted to believe that he wouldn't do that to me, that he was different, that he would want me and our Dd in his life over other women. I was wrong.
4 years wasted. 4 bloody years. I can't even cry I'm so angry.

OP posts:
solo · 09/11/2008 12:06

And I would accept your offer Fllight if you were able, but for the fact that the MOT ran out last week(that and the fact that my place is a tip). Don't have the money to get it tested, let alone put things right if they need putting right.

Dp's mum has just phoned. She thinks he's a shit. In fact she said to me ' Have you heard from shithead?' Have to laugh at that really. He'll never know what people(including his own mother)think of him.
How are you today?

solo · 09/11/2008 12:07

Noooooooooooo!! It is a ZZR1100

Fllightthebluetouchpaper · 09/11/2008 12:10

I am Ok, thanks Bit sleepless!!

Sorry and hope I didn't offend, am crapola at modern bikes I could just see it was a Kawa.

His mum sounds fab! It must be comforting to know you have someone on side. Did you discuss what you were both going to do next? Is she going to have words with him?

Fllightthebluetouchpaper · 09/11/2008 12:10

That is one heck of a bike btw! I used to ride a 350 and got into enough trouble on that lol

solo · 09/11/2008 12:15

LOL! Not been in trouble yet! Been riding bikes since I was 16. I'm 44 now, so I guess that makes me an old hand

Dp's mum is ok. She isn't going to say anything to him, she'll see if he tells her and what he tells her. She said she'll keep me informed. She doesn't blame me for feeling the way I feel.
Blood though, is thicker than water IME.

Fllightthebluetouchpaper · 09/11/2008 12:23

Wow, I only started about 8 years ago. I reckon you could teach me a lot!

Well on the MIL front. I don't knowif it's comparable but I had more contact with ex's mum than with him after we broke up. I was pregnant and she said she understood he hadn't been liveable with, she was quite supportive. Then when I didn't get back with him, she kind of turned a bit - she started demanding to come round and being really bossy, and we did have words.

I think at the end of the day he was her son and she stayed loyal - also she was the type who thought she could take over and tell me what to do (with our son).

I don't think she liked that I stood up to her. but then i didn't know her well from the start, not like you know yours...if you already have a good relationship that's a much better auger of how it might be.

Tread carefully and put you first (and dd of course, goes without saying you'll do that!)

See how it pans out. but your loyalty is to yourself now.

solo · 09/11/2008 12:33

Yes, you are right! and I'd never trust her 100% because she's his mum. Right now though, she is disgusted with him. I want her to see Dd more than I want Dp to see her.

I have to put my energies into my Dad atm, but it would've been nicer(better?)with a supportive Dp instead of having all this extra crap to deal with iyswim.

solo · 09/11/2008 12:36

Have to go in a minute. Off to mum and dads for dinner and to pick up Ds.

CAT me if you want to and are able. I haven't got CAT so can't.

Fllightthebluetouchpaper · 09/11/2008 12:39

OK dear, I hope you have a nice time with your Mum & Dad.

I have flounced twice and lost my cAT sub

but my email if you need me is sintypuppa at googlemail dot com.

'See' you later x

solo · 09/11/2008 12:40

Ok, will email you later...you'll love my email addy!

Fllightthebluetouchpaper · 09/11/2008 12:41

When you get a moment, don't worry though x

solo · 09/11/2008 12:48

Have mailed you.

solo · 09/11/2008 12:48
Grin
Fllightthebluetouchpaper · 09/11/2008 14:00

{smile] Have replied, hopefully it's worked and we're talking!! Sorry for gap x

Fllightthebluetouchpaper · 09/11/2008 14:00

I mean!

solo · 14/11/2008 12:30

So, I've just had a text from him asking me to check for his car key ~ which I have, but didn't know until now! Not replied to him and he's supposed to be back tomorrow.

WWYD with these keys? would you go round and rifle through his car to see what is in it? would you just return it to him? I'm not going to spite him by dropping it down a drain or something equally nasty, but I don't know if to go over there and look. It's 20 miles away...

mumoverseas · 14/11/2008 12:52

i'd put sugar in his petrol tank and a banana up his exhaust pipe! THEN, riffle through his car and move it onto a double yellow line!

solo · 14/11/2008 13:02

Sooooooo tempting! but I don't want to be nasty, it just isn't me...

ajandjjmum · 14/11/2008 13:04

Why is he asking you about his car key?

Hope he got caught in a hurricane in Antigua .

solo · 14/11/2008 13:09

Yes, I was hoping he'd had a terbulent time there too or eaten by a shark!
He left his key in a jacket pocket here when he left my house. He lost the other one three weeks ago, so it's the only one left. A replacement will cost hundreds!

solo · 14/11/2008 13:09

*turbulent

ajandjjmum · 14/11/2008 13:12

Shame you can't find it, then isn't it!!!!

solo · 14/11/2008 13:13

Wish I'd known they were sitting in my porch a week ago. Less likely to bump into him then...grrrrrr!

solo · 14/11/2008 13:13

Haha!!! oooh! mean!!!

NomDePlume · 14/11/2008 13:14

solo, how awful for you to discover this and I'm so very sorry to hear about your dad and his illness.

FWIW, it sounds like you've been a lone parent for all of DD's life so far. He doesn't sound particularly involved, either financially or emotionally. Emotionally and psychologically the transition will be hard for you but practically and in 'real terms' things shouldn't be too different to how they have always been.

Do he and his OW live together ? Has he been stringing her along for 4 years just as he did you ?

What a horrible shock for you this all must be.