My fiance used a prostitute before I met him - big deal or not?

[mocca]

Am I making a mountain out of a molehill over this girls? I've been with my lovely boyfriend for just over 6 months and we got engaged a couple of weeks ago. We're deeply in love - he's decent, deep and trustworthy and at the age of 51 I feel I've met my soulmate. We're both divorced with kids. At the weekend he decided to confide in me about something dodgy that happened about 10 years ago. He had just split from his wife, she'd taken the kids he adored to live 200 miles away and he was feeling almost suicidal and very vulnerable. One night when he was walking home he was approached by a prostitute (a young law student paying her way through college apparently!) and he agreed to pay her £20 for a hand job. They got in her car and parked up, only to be apprehended by the police who had been watching her. So he never got his hand-job and instead ended up in court, was fined and now has a criminal record for kerb-crawling.

He's told me the incident was totally unpremeditated and that he did it because he was desperate for a bit of human connection because he felt so miserable and unloved at the time. He's always been faithful when in a relationship and never cheated on his wife. I've felt from the word go that I can trust him and in a way this makes me trust him even more; he didn't have to tell me about this but did so because he felt that if he didn't and I found out it would do irrevocable damage. Also he doesn't want anything hidden between us and has told me it's been troubling him for months and effecting his sexual performance.

Ultimately it doesn't make me love him less but I keep saying to myself, what sort of man uses a prostitute, even when it might be understandable because of the circumstances? I do want to marry him and I know this happened a long time ago but I can't get the image of him doing this out of my mind. But the fact that he was prepared to risk losing me (and I know that he adores me) by telling me this makes me appreciate his vulnerability and openness. So should I try to let this go because I love him?

i popped! with a little help from a ventouse.

and voted.

for obama . cuz he's way better-looking.

Yay! Congratulations Expat!! Wow! I need details here. Sex/weight/all that good stuff.

Woohoo, well done Expat! All must be well if you are MNing - Congratulations.

Thanks Ronaldinhio, that's very good advice and you've summed it up "He was caught soliciting for sex. He made up a story to make it more palatible to you".

After turning it over and over again in my head all day yesterday and last night, I think that in the cold light of day I can accept this and not feel I have to get to the absolute bottom of it and find out if what he told me was a fabrication and he'd done it more than once. It's in the past and I already know that in other ways he wasn't a happy man a few years back but has really done his best to turn things round. And now he has me, he says he's ecstatic, that he feels alive again.

I will take things slowly though but feel comfortable that he'd never do it again, he has no reason to. Maybe I need to face up to some of the things I've done that I'm ashamed of - one night stands, meaningless sex with men who didn't care for me, drink and drug binges.....No angel you see but not a devil either. Just a crazy mixed-up human being with a good heart.

Anyway thanks all, for sharing your thoughts.

Good decision Mocca.
Everyone has a past and for most people there are parts of it they are not particularly proud of.
He sounds great tbh and it would be a shame to ruin an otherwise good relationship over a mistake he made such a long time ago.
DO be sure to tell him that if he ever does it now you will slice them off with a blunt knife

Haha, thanks Ginny!

I would still ask him to get a STD test and get yourself done too, if you are going to have/had unprotected sex.

It's ok to have your head in the clouds if your feet are on the ground.