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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

40 yr old bachelor needs some advice!

634 replies

saracenandy · 21/10/2008 15:12

Ladies

Can you help? I seem to have long term problems developing relationships with women. I consider myself attractive, active, fit, successful in sport (ex pro rugby player) and business (MD of my own company) but am increasingly frustrated with women I have relationships with. Most do not last more than 3 months.

After a number of initial successes over the years, the ladies have soon lost interest or they just play extraordinary games. I have Tourette's, epilepsy and echopraxia, and when women discover this it seems to be the catalyst for ending what we have, even after things are going swimmingly. BTW my condition does not involve spontaneous profanities or major fits, and I do not consider myself a liability, just in case you wanted to go there! In most respects I consider myself normal. :-)

I have a very comfortable lifestyle but my generosity is often abused. I do not consider myself needy or emotional. I'm not flashy or advertise my wealth. I'm just a sound guy with lots to offer the right woman, so why is it all so difficult?

For instance, my current girlfriend problem is unusual even by my standards. She is 40 also, photographer, beautiful, very sexy, lots of fun, GSOH, and after 6 months I have fallen in love. Trouble is there is no intimacy between us. Last time we snogged was in May, and we've never slept together. She claims she has old-fashioned values, which translates as "I have to submit to her every whim, pay for everything, be at her beck and call, only go out or see each other on her terms etc, etc". Thing is, I don't succumb to her needs, yet she always keeps bouncing back thinking there's nothing wrong, when I tell her its over.

Is it me, or do women of my age not know the word compromise, and don't want to understand me?

Any thoughts or suggestions appreciated.

OP posts:
Pan · 21/10/2008 18:41

how was the group?

darkpunk · 21/10/2008 18:42

is pan a man?

Pan · 21/10/2008 18:42

Every testosterone-packed inch, dp!!

Aitch · 21/10/2008 18:43

oh yes. but he flounces like a girl.

piratecat · 21/10/2008 18:43

but why have you chosen mumsnet please.

what are you doing here?????

VinegArghhhWasStabbedInTheTits · 21/10/2008 18:44

yes every inch, including his pinny

zippitippitoes · 21/10/2008 18:44

so hell have us believe

group was weird

everyone seemed like a character from a book

but then thats me i live in a film script

zippitippitoes · 21/10/2008 18:45

ai ahe sigend up for that write a novel in a month thiong

VinegArghhhWasStabbedInTheTits · 21/10/2008 18:46

PC he heard it was full of intelligent, articulate women, but he is a bit dim as he didnt bargin on us not falling for his money and his little dick big Bentley

Pan · 21/10/2008 18:47

true Aitch.

I take it you are sticking with it, zippi?

off for French class.

a plus tard mes enfants et mes amis.

eeewahwoowah · 21/10/2008 18:48

he heard it was full of intelligent, articulate women then posted on here and realised that he had been sold a crock.

MwaHaHaMhamai · 21/10/2008 18:53

Thank feck theres an r in that croc.
arf

NotDoingTheHousework · 21/10/2008 18:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

lou33 · 21/10/2008 20:04

op sounds like someone i know and he does my head in a lot

he describes himself in similar ways and also wonders why he hasnt got a gf

but he refuses to listen when i tell him the reasons

he is currently not speaking to me for "belittling his feelings", when he was complaining again about not having a gf or getting laid, and i told him he needed to appreciate what he did had instead of complaining about what he didnt.

this has been going on for a week, it's like having a fifth child

he also complains when he says to a woman he only wants friendship, she agrees, but then he changes his mind and she wants to remain friends

i told him he cant have it both ways, and he said he may not want to take it further in reality, but he wants the woman to want to

zippitippitoes · 21/10/2008 20:06

not that guy thjat is your mate then lou

that i met

Horntail · 21/10/2008 20:14

you lot are horrible. I think he sounds nice

saracenandy I know a few single women who are not timewasters and are solvent, kind and loving....

lou33 · 21/10/2008 20:15

no zippi not him, he is just a dog

zippitippitoes · 21/10/2008 20:16

lou speaks as she finds lol

spicemonster · 21/10/2008 20:19

I'm single, solvent and the same age so I'm as desperate as you like in a lot of ways and even I think he sounds a bit creepy

Any man that tells you how successful he is in his opening gambits makes me yawn

zippitippitoes · 21/10/2008 20:22

i had a thread on here about a guy who wanted to date me who was a banker with a flat in st johns wood

these were his selling points lol

and taking me to dinner in the west end whooppee

for which i was required to wear a posh dress

the op reminds me of this guy

zippitippitoes · 21/10/2008 20:23

actually he didnt have a flkat

he had a stunning apartment

and was corporate arab banker for the whole of quatar or something

ninah · 21/10/2008 20:24

that doesn't sound SO bad zippi

lou33 · 21/10/2008 20:32

lol @ stunning apartment

zippi, you know me too well

zippitippitoes · 21/10/2008 20:35

yes well it fell apart at his insistence i brought an opvernight bag on first date after west end dinner to stsay in said fantastic apartemnet

i told him to review his idea

by the time he got contrite i booked a last minute holiday instead

lou33 · 21/10/2008 20:36

well he sounded like a fool and you went onto bigger and better things