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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

40 yr old bachelor needs some advice!

634 replies

saracenandy · 21/10/2008 15:12

Ladies

Can you help? I seem to have long term problems developing relationships with women. I consider myself attractive, active, fit, successful in sport (ex pro rugby player) and business (MD of my own company) but am increasingly frustrated with women I have relationships with. Most do not last more than 3 months.

After a number of initial successes over the years, the ladies have soon lost interest or they just play extraordinary games. I have Tourette's, epilepsy and echopraxia, and when women discover this it seems to be the catalyst for ending what we have, even after things are going swimmingly. BTW my condition does not involve spontaneous profanities or major fits, and I do not consider myself a liability, just in case you wanted to go there! In most respects I consider myself normal. :-)

I have a very comfortable lifestyle but my generosity is often abused. I do not consider myself needy or emotional. I'm not flashy or advertise my wealth. I'm just a sound guy with lots to offer the right woman, so why is it all so difficult?

For instance, my current girlfriend problem is unusual even by my standards. She is 40 also, photographer, beautiful, very sexy, lots of fun, GSOH, and after 6 months I have fallen in love. Trouble is there is no intimacy between us. Last time we snogged was in May, and we've never slept together. She claims she has old-fashioned values, which translates as "I have to submit to her every whim, pay for everything, be at her beck and call, only go out or see each other on her terms etc, etc". Thing is, I don't succumb to her needs, yet she always keeps bouncing back thinking there's nothing wrong, when I tell her its over.

Is it me, or do women of my age not know the word compromise, and don't want to understand me?

Any thoughts or suggestions appreciated.

OP posts:
zippitippitoes · 21/10/2008 20:40

well yes

i am so glad i didnt go bargf

lou33 · 21/10/2008 20:50

me too

zippitippitoes · 21/10/2008 20:52

i just reread theb thread

yuk

Kally · 21/10/2008 21:15

As I read your post Mr....Saracaandy whatever... This picture came into my head:
Guy, clean ironed shirt, walking around with his MD badge on.. I'm good at this I'm good at that, I have this, I have that... you seem more preoccupied with what you think you are, perhaps, than what you really are.

You say women don't last more than 3 months and then you say you've been running around after Miss whatserpants for 6 months.

OK, unwrap what you think you are and just be you. All that 'I am this', 'I am that', is how you perceive yourself, not how you put yourself across to women. You have made such an effort here in a few short sentences... A relaxed, cool, 'not trying to hard' person is far less stressful. I get 'stress, stress, stress, just reading your post. Undo your tie, kick off your shoes, unzip those ironed tailored trousers.. stop coming across as some stuffed shirt type person.

I think also that you should take Kathy6inches advise and go incognito into the real world to find real level headed girls/women. But you might not like all that goes with it! Real life level head is a bike, cheeky kids, Tesco bags, scratched discs, slobbery dogs but a warm heart on that level head.. ALLLLL depends what you really are looking for. 'Cos thts what you end up finding. Spoilt brats, grab grab grab and pick me up here's and pick me up theres... buy me this and get me thats. ... sorry

DaDaDa · 21/10/2008 21:20

Chinos. Definitely.

zippitippitoes · 21/10/2008 21:24

i have a suspicion that maybe at the 40 point you still think you are a good catch and able to have kids..not necessarily true

and if you are trying to hook up with a woman to have kids then really you will be looking younger it is all a bit powered and harsh

lou33 · 21/10/2008 21:26

and maybe the fact noone sticks about means he is quite possibly a nob?

just throwing that out there as a possibility....

zippitippitoes · 21/10/2008 21:26

how much do you want kids

i think at 40 for men and women it will be starting to feel harder

Rhubarb · 21/10/2008 21:31

Hello!

Kally · 21/10/2008 21:33

Just read he has a Bentley FGS...

Go and get a nice old little Ford Fiesta or something and throw a load of sweet wrappers and empty crisp bags in the back... then you'll meet 'proper girls'...ones that aren't eyeing up the wad you have in your pocket and who care about how many miles you do to the gallon (to go pick her up and cart her about)... Has a girl ever said to you, 'I'll pay for half the petrol money?'... NO? thought not... what woiuld you think if a girl did say that to you, or offered 'it's my treat today, we'll go up to Carol's cafe and have an all day breafast special'... get my point? You wouldn't know if she was kind sweet and thoughtful because you're dating the wrong types that don't have those qualities.... but how would you know?

Kally · 21/10/2008 21:39

Oh, he's disappeared... I missed all the action, darn....

lou33 · 21/10/2008 21:40

of course if he fancies throwing some money at women who need it, i wont say no (used 20's only tho k thanks)

Kally · 21/10/2008 21:43

we've scared him off... he must have regretted falling into this nest of vipers... Gotta give him his due for trying tho....Comeone AndyCandy (wotsisname?) come back and talk...

Rose100 · 21/10/2008 21:45

This is the funniest thread I've read on MN for a long time. Hope he comes back!

zippitippitoes · 21/10/2008 21:45

lol at andy candy

i think he is a bit of a window cleaner

StayFrostyShiversDownMySpine · 21/10/2008 21:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kally · 21/10/2008 21:48

Anyone for a spot of tennis?

zippitippitoes · 21/10/2008 21:49

oh yuck to ironed jeans

zippitippitoes · 21/10/2008 21:49

myab e he needs to discover he is related to johnny bodens sil

Rhubarb · 21/10/2008 21:50

I'm thinking 'Littlewoods catalogue'.

Rose100 · 21/10/2008 21:52

Oh lord, where is he? I don't want to go to bed now.

Kally · 21/10/2008 21:53

ironed jeans... (I bet thats what he's doing right now)... awww poor guy. Feel mean now

Kally · 21/10/2008 21:55

By the way... what is Chinos?

StayFrostyShiversDownMySpine · 21/10/2008 21:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Pan · 21/10/2008 22:28

God are you lot still at it/him?? Beginnig to have a bit of pity for him.