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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

40 yr old bachelor needs some advice!

634 replies

saracenandy · 21/10/2008 15:12

Ladies

Can you help? I seem to have long term problems developing relationships with women. I consider myself attractive, active, fit, successful in sport (ex pro rugby player) and business (MD of my own company) but am increasingly frustrated with women I have relationships with. Most do not last more than 3 months.

After a number of initial successes over the years, the ladies have soon lost interest or they just play extraordinary games. I have Tourette's, epilepsy and echopraxia, and when women discover this it seems to be the catalyst for ending what we have, even after things are going swimmingly. BTW my condition does not involve spontaneous profanities or major fits, and I do not consider myself a liability, just in case you wanted to go there! In most respects I consider myself normal. :-)

I have a very comfortable lifestyle but my generosity is often abused. I do not consider myself needy or emotional. I'm not flashy or advertise my wealth. I'm just a sound guy with lots to offer the right woman, so why is it all so difficult?

For instance, my current girlfriend problem is unusual even by my standards. She is 40 also, photographer, beautiful, very sexy, lots of fun, GSOH, and after 6 months I have fallen in love. Trouble is there is no intimacy between us. Last time we snogged was in May, and we've never slept together. She claims she has old-fashioned values, which translates as "I have to submit to her every whim, pay for everything, be at her beck and call, only go out or see each other on her terms etc, etc". Thing is, I don't succumb to her needs, yet she always keeps bouncing back thinking there's nothing wrong, when I tell her its over.

Is it me, or do women of my age not know the word compromise, and don't want to understand me?

Any thoughts or suggestions appreciated.

OP posts:
VinegArghhhWasStabbedInTheTits · 22/10/2008 23:08

good halloween name pan

i cant believe its still going either, has he dumped the girlfriend yet?

PhantomOfTheChocolateCake · 22/10/2008 23:08

Well, you know what I mean. The same must apply for men.

I think saracenandy's been frightened off by some of the posts. Poor bloke.

Nighbynight · 22/10/2008 23:09

Pan the guy needs help to ditch his bentley habit.

anyway, you are always posting on threads filled with gorgeous single women (ús), so bog off

zippitippitoes · 22/10/2008 23:12

ok pan banged to rights i am obsessed

car of choice

oh cant think of opne really

i am seeing ford mondeo man i think

lol

PhantomOfTheChocolateCake · 22/10/2008 23:16

I'd like an Aston Martin man, opens doors for me, takes me shopping (not every week/month, this would drive me nuts), nice drive to country pubs, ahh....to dream.....

lou33 · 22/10/2008 23:17

poor bloke my arse, he knew what he was doing

PhantomOfTheChocolateCake · 22/10/2008 23:18

Na, he would have posted it in the single parents section! It does sound like he needs a female perspective. I think it's brave.

Nighbynight · 22/10/2008 23:21

control yourself woman

PhantomOfTheChocolateCake · 22/10/2008 23:21

Lol! I'm always in control. Poor bloke though.

Panfriedpumpkin · 22/10/2008 23:40

ok. I am single, now. And am fairly well-know in this female chamber....but I do have some sympathy with blokes who struggle with the notion of 'what women want'. We, as a gender, are fairly simple. But you lot, phew!...it alters by the minute!

mamalovesmambo · 22/10/2008 23:45

Jeez, if it was a woman posting, this thread would have died after 10 posts.

zippitippitoes · 22/10/2008 23:50

serious post alert

we are all different men and women

you wont find a partner with a shopping list

imo

i am not single at the moment

i am very happy and so is my bf

i said to him recently i was hardly what you were looking for

and he answered i dont know what i was looking for so you cant say you arent it

there is one thing i would love to change in my relationship and that would be to make us both the same age or at least not have a huge age gap but that is something i cant change everything else is perfect

so really for the moment its good

and even when it comes to an end i will be really glad tgo have had it

it is true better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all

so maybe i am saying go out and embrace the unexpected it might be very nice

Panfriedpumpkin · 22/10/2008 23:52

good post, Zipps.

zippitippitoes · 22/10/2008 23:53

cheers pan

i am feeling lucky in love

Panfriedpumpkin · 22/10/2008 23:57

Yay!

S1ur · 23/10/2008 00:00

Oi Pan

did that gf not work out then?

zippitippitoes · 23/10/2008 00:01

i was expecting green sick

i am loved up

i heart the internet

zippitippitoes · 23/10/2008 00:02

and yes you were seeing someone of late werent you

sorry

S1ur · 23/10/2008 00:03

oh Zippi you a darling. and your post was bang on.

lots of lurve up vibes to you and your fella

Panfriedpumpkin · 23/10/2008 00:05

Well, no Slur. There was 'fog in the Channel', as I had said ages ago, (and thanks for remembering), and we sadly couldn't fight through it. AND, I allow for my dd's happiness, and this particular amore wasn't going to assist that. Hey-ho.

S1ur · 23/10/2008 00:12

ack, shame Pan. nevermind - twas a bit tricky anyhoo.

onwards and upwards so to speak

Quattrocento · 23/10/2008 00:16

40 yrs old AND NOT BEEN CAUGHT YET? EITHER THIS IS ONE CUNNING FISH OR IT'S SOMETHING NOT FIT FOR THE TABLE

zippitippitoes · 23/10/2008 00:18

calm down dear

Panfriedpumpkin · 23/10/2008 00:20

Q.! a bit extreme, and judgey!!

yes, Slur.. We'll see.

Quattrocento · 23/10/2008 00:20

Sorry - was getting overexcited by the 2-bedroomed flat and the bentley ...

Actually the OP sounds like Arthur Lowe.