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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

40 yr old bachelor needs some advice!

634 replies

saracenandy · 21/10/2008 15:12

Ladies

Can you help? I seem to have long term problems developing relationships with women. I consider myself attractive, active, fit, successful in sport (ex pro rugby player) and business (MD of my own company) but am increasingly frustrated with women I have relationships with. Most do not last more than 3 months.

After a number of initial successes over the years, the ladies have soon lost interest or they just play extraordinary games. I have Tourette's, epilepsy and echopraxia, and when women discover this it seems to be the catalyst for ending what we have, even after things are going swimmingly. BTW my condition does not involve spontaneous profanities or major fits, and I do not consider myself a liability, just in case you wanted to go there! In most respects I consider myself normal. :-)

I have a very comfortable lifestyle but my generosity is often abused. I do not consider myself needy or emotional. I'm not flashy or advertise my wealth. I'm just a sound guy with lots to offer the right woman, so why is it all so difficult?

For instance, my current girlfriend problem is unusual even by my standards. She is 40 also, photographer, beautiful, very sexy, lots of fun, GSOH, and after 6 months I have fallen in love. Trouble is there is no intimacy between us. Last time we snogged was in May, and we've never slept together. She claims she has old-fashioned values, which translates as "I have to submit to her every whim, pay for everything, be at her beck and call, only go out or see each other on her terms etc, etc". Thing is, I don't succumb to her needs, yet she always keeps bouncing back thinking there's nothing wrong, when I tell her its over.

Is it me, or do women of my age not know the word compromise, and don't want to understand me?

Any thoughts or suggestions appreciated.

OP posts:
zippitippitoes · 22/10/2008 18:40

i had to make a horrendous confession on the peeing in front of your friend thread lou thanks to you

zippitippitoes · 22/10/2008 18:40

actually andy would make a good match for you

Panfriedpumpkin · 22/10/2008 18:42

Laaaadeeeezzzz!!!

There can only be a mere carcass left of the poor we man.

zippitippitoes · 22/10/2008 18:43

well that would mean lou has already had him then

lou33 · 22/10/2008 19:34

ha zippi , hush!

what peeing friend thing?

zippitippitoes · 22/10/2008 19:37

look in active convos

i answered all proper saying no way then had a second thought and had to change my tune lol

lou33 · 22/10/2008 19:42

i just saw and i replied, somewhat nonplussed

lou33 · 22/10/2008 19:43

and btw, op and myself would so not be a good match!

DaDaDa · 22/10/2008 20:38

Does Xenia need a bloke at the moment? She might be a good match. Andy could give it all up to be a SAHD/kept man.

SylvieSprings · 22/10/2008 20:53

Who is Xenia and what does she do?

Rose100 · 22/10/2008 21:00

PMSL at the Xenia idea. I hope this thread is not going to delay my bedtime again, especially in the absence of the OP.

zippitippitoes · 22/10/2008 21:01

dadada that was my first thought but my baaadness was in restraint

DaDaDa · 22/10/2008 21:06

"Who is Xenia and what does she do?"

She is a mythical warrior princess who feasts on the blood of state-educated children from her tropical island lair.

lou33 · 22/10/2008 21:08

oh so you offload him to me zippi?

call yourself a mate?!!!

DaDaDa · 22/10/2008 21:09

Sorry. Probably too far.

lou33 · 22/10/2008 21:11

you are so not blushing

zippitippitoes · 22/10/2008 21:11

thats a fair point

xenia might be too old for him

lou33 · 22/10/2008 21:12

he is too old for me

zippitippitoes · 22/10/2008 21:15
Grin
SylvieSprings · 22/10/2008 21:15

That is below the belt, to suggest a fictional match, surely you can rise above that, DaDaDa.

Honeybunnie · 22/10/2008 21:19

I agree with Kathy and Lulu,

When you talk about your self you usually talk about money.
eg. "great holidays" = i have money to spend, like going abroad = money
you could have said, have spending time together or just enjoying holidays together.
eg. "someone to share my success" = money

you keep refering to money, when you have plenty of opportunites, to talk about you and just you, not refering to money and wealth and what you can do with that wealth.

Maybe that is a big turn off to women who are loving for real love and a turn on to gold diggers, like the current girlfriend you are discribing.

SylvieSprings · 22/10/2008 21:20

Or are you saying lou33 = Xenia ?

lou33 · 22/10/2008 21:23

lol no dadada said xenia was too old for him and i said he is too old for me

i am not xenia

LoveBeingAMummy · 22/10/2008 21:32

imo - you are picking a type of woman even if you are not aware of it as they all turn out to be the same

Nighbynight · 22/10/2008 21:53

sylvie - are you new??

andy - your steps for happiness (curiosity, learning, helping others...) are also the kind of things that attract women.
Cannot answer for others, but I personally am put off by men who drive big cars.