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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

40 yr old bachelor needs some advice!

634 replies

saracenandy · 21/10/2008 15:12

Ladies

Can you help? I seem to have long term problems developing relationships with women. I consider myself attractive, active, fit, successful in sport (ex pro rugby player) and business (MD of my own company) but am increasingly frustrated with women I have relationships with. Most do not last more than 3 months.

After a number of initial successes over the years, the ladies have soon lost interest or they just play extraordinary games. I have Tourette's, epilepsy and echopraxia, and when women discover this it seems to be the catalyst for ending what we have, even after things are going swimmingly. BTW my condition does not involve spontaneous profanities or major fits, and I do not consider myself a liability, just in case you wanted to go there! In most respects I consider myself normal. :-)

I have a very comfortable lifestyle but my generosity is often abused. I do not consider myself needy or emotional. I'm not flashy or advertise my wealth. I'm just a sound guy with lots to offer the right woman, so why is it all so difficult?

For instance, my current girlfriend problem is unusual even by my standards. She is 40 also, photographer, beautiful, very sexy, lots of fun, GSOH, and after 6 months I have fallen in love. Trouble is there is no intimacy between us. Last time we snogged was in May, and we've never slept together. She claims she has old-fashioned values, which translates as "I have to submit to her every whim, pay for everything, be at her beck and call, only go out or see each other on her terms etc, etc". Thing is, I don't succumb to her needs, yet she always keeps bouncing back thinking there's nothing wrong, when I tell her its over.

Is it me, or do women of my age not know the word compromise, and don't want to understand me?

Any thoughts or suggestions appreciated.

OP posts:
zippitippitoes · 22/10/2008 12:51

well as long as it isnt bird or chick lol

saracenandy · 22/10/2008 12:53

Sylvie, don't worry the car ain't going anywhere.

I'll answer your last 2 questions offline if necessary but not on MN.

OP posts:
flourybaps · 22/10/2008 12:53

God I've just read the whole bloody post..... all I can say is .... meh

saracenandy · 22/10/2008 12:56

Have any MNers read "The Game" by Neil Strauss?

OP posts:
littlelapin · 22/10/2008 12:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

flourybaps · 22/10/2008 12:57

he dosent want help or advice he wants to meet a lady oh well hope it works out for you, 10 out of 10 for originality

LaTricoteuse · 22/10/2008 12:57

Haven't ploughed through the whole thread yet and may not get a chance, so just wanted to say: you will not pull a normal intelligent woman with a Bentley. You will pull the sort of girl who would be happy to shag Michael Winner. This is where you are going wrong.

Zippi - you rawk!

littlelapin · 22/10/2008 12:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Jazzicatz · 22/10/2008 12:59

Are you trying to emulate Neil Strauss Andy?

zippitippitoes · 22/10/2008 12:59

no and i havent ever seen a copy of the rules or bridget jones or love actually or watched sex and the city in any form

eeewahwoowah · 22/10/2008 12:59

"SaracenAndy"

filz · 22/10/2008 12:59

have only read the OP

but like most men you are going for skirt rather than personality, this is why it never lasts long. Its your own loss if you cant open your eyes a little more

hope this helps and good luck xx

NotDoingTheHousework · 22/10/2008 13:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Jazzicatz · 22/10/2008 13:00

EEEEWWWWWWWWWWWW! and I often go for 'rugby' types!

eeewahwoowah · 22/10/2008 13:02

Notable Sarcens called Andy.

Andy Farrell - co-captain.

Andy Kyriacou - pictured in my previous thread which isn't our saracenandy obviously .....

littlelapin · 22/10/2008 13:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SixSpotBonfire · 22/10/2008 13:03

this?

It sounds deeply depressing.

littlelapin · 22/10/2008 13:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

zippitippitoes · 22/10/2008 13:03

well i think my priority is someone who makes me feel relaxed and happy and sexy

the op and i would be anathema to each other

SixSpotBonfire · 22/10/2008 13:04

sorry that link doesn't work www.guardian.co.uk/books/2005/sep/25/biography.society

saracenandy · 22/10/2008 13:05

Housework, no point trying to be made, the book is a shocker. Interested to hear MNers opinions only. Lets not go there shall we?

OP posts:
PustuleRots · 22/10/2008 13:05

Aah so you are the antithesis of Strauss?

littlelapin · 22/10/2008 13:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

filz · 22/10/2008 13:06

what is the book about? has it any significance as to why you havent got a long term lady?

eeewahwoowah · 22/10/2008 13:06

LL - not paying attention sorry.

Jazzicats - I think Andy Kyricou has a certain charm. A little young for me obviously