40 yr old bachelor needs some advice!

[saracenandy]

Ladies

Can you help? I seem to have long term problems developing relationships with women. I consider myself attractive, active, fit, successful in sport (ex pro rugby player) and business (MD of my own company) but am increasingly frustrated with women I have relationships with. Most do not last more than 3 months.

After a number of initial successes over the years, the ladies have soon lost interest or they just play extraordinary games. I have Tourette's, epilepsy and echopraxia, and when women discover this it seems to be the catalyst for ending what we have, even after things are going swimmingly. BTW my condition does not involve spontaneous profanities or major fits, and I do not consider myself a liability, just in case you wanted to go there! In most respects I consider myself normal. :-)

I have a very comfortable lifestyle but my generosity is often abused. I do not consider myself needy or emotional. I'm not flashy or advertise my wealth. I'm just a sound guy with lots to offer the right woman, so why is it all so difficult?

For instance, my current girlfriend problem is unusual even by my standards. She is 40 also, photographer, beautiful, very sexy, lots of fun, GSOH, and after 6 months I have fallen in love. Trouble is there is no intimacy between us. Last time we snogged was in May, and we've never slept together. She claims she has old-fashioned values, which translates as "I have to submit to her every whim, pay for everything, be at her beck and call, only go out or see each other on her terms etc, etc". Thing is, I don't succumb to her needs, yet she always keeps bouncing back thinking there's nothing wrong, when I tell her its over.

Is it me, or do women of my age not know the word compromise, and don't want to understand me?

Any thoughts or suggestions appreciated.

[sigh]

Not looking to pull, just nice to talk to someone with experience of therapy and enough belief in it to keep paying for 10 months!

Hmmmm.

He is tricksy and false. We ought to wring his filthy little neck!

(disclaimer: whole family into Lord of teh Rings. Am being brainwahsed)

Yeah right!!

Serious lack of reflection from OP in this thread though FA. And a lot of talking about what he's got etc.

See Pointy's got it.

eeewahwoowah I've tried most of the usual strategies. When assessing a woman, blokes subconsciously go "caveman"! I'm not after an instant wife.

100x sometimes I'm too open for my own good. Can't be much more open than in these posts!

Why does Edward Woodward have so many 'd's in his name?

Because if he didn't he'd be eeewahwoowah.

I am not Edward Woodward BTW.

dont forget to chill then flight

Thats it eeewahwoowah!
Thank you.

Love that joke

Well you think you're open, but I don't. I think you show a scary lack of insight.

This may well be your problem. If you're genuine.

Andy - may I ask what you are hoping to achieve from this thread?

Thanks Zippi.

You know I'm a bloke don't you Andy?

or Ewar WooWar - but that doesn't scan in print as well as eeewahwoowah.

and you know what those trolley dolleys are like

saracen andy is as genuine as gollum.

Really, you lot.

Not a problem with me Flight!

Thanks 100x, I'll consider that one.

You won't consider it, you don't understand anything. You aren't real.

Jazz, to be honest the help came long ago. Is it worth continuing this for today?

No I am a gal. I was joking.

This is me

Sory couldn't resist!

It is always hard to know who people really are on a forum like this. Or what their motives are.

I wonder why do you compromise, Saracenandy?

To demonstrate 'Unselfishness' - to surrender benefits not that others may be happy in having them but that he may be unselfish in forgoing them?

False sense of selflessness can do more harm than good. We need each to fight our own battles and not others'. Be true to yourself.

Okay - saracen andy:

You write down NOW what you have learnt so far from this thread.

Let's see if you can do it.

Sarcenandy - I do think that it gets more of a problem as you get older - everyone comes with more emotional 'baggage' and its also more difficult for people (probably you too) to adapt to other people in their lives.

You might need to reassess what signals you are giving out, particularly at first. If you are after someone that cares about you rather than material things, can you go for low-key, not have the Bentley around and, whilst being thoughtful and generous, not go for lavish locations and spending? Sorry if I misread how you might handle such situations, but it does sound as though, as a car lover, you would turn up in it rather than, say, take a taxi or a bus.

I think to be fair to saracenandy men do deal with openess in a different way to women. If I was to ask dp or any of the men I know to describe themselves it would not be in a deep and meaningful way - not to say that they can;t be deep and meaningful but they would not go in to a massive diatribe about how they felg about things. You only have to be at the pub with a group of men for a short time to realise that they do not talk about things in such an indepth way as us girls do! (sorry for massive generalisations!)