40 yr old bachelor needs some advice!

[saracenandy]

Ladies

Can you help? I seem to have long term problems developing relationships with women. I consider myself attractive, active, fit, successful in sport (ex pro rugby player) and business (MD of my own company) but am increasingly frustrated with women I have relationships with. Most do not last more than 3 months.

After a number of initial successes over the years, the ladies have soon lost interest or they just play extraordinary games. I have Tourette's, epilepsy and echopraxia, and when women discover this it seems to be the catalyst for ending what we have, even after things are going swimmingly. BTW my condition does not involve spontaneous profanities or major fits, and I do not consider myself a liability, just in case you wanted to go there! In most respects I consider myself normal. :-)

I have a very comfortable lifestyle but my generosity is often abused. I do not consider myself needy or emotional. I'm not flashy or advertise my wealth. I'm just a sound guy with lots to offer the right woman, so why is it all so difficult?

For instance, my current girlfriend problem is unusual even by my standards. She is 40 also, photographer, beautiful, very sexy, lots of fun, GSOH, and after 6 months I have fallen in love. Trouble is there is no intimacy between us. Last time we snogged was in May, and we've never slept together. She claims she has old-fashioned values, which translates as "I have to submit to her every whim, pay for everything, be at her beck and call, only go out or see each other on her terms etc, etc". Thing is, I don't succumb to her needs, yet she always keeps bouncing back thinking there's nothing wrong, when I tell her its over.

Is it me, or do women of my age not know the word compromise, and don't want to understand me?

Any thoughts or suggestions appreciated.

Nah, I'm not.

pan , hush with the fake sympathy!

he's out with the girlfriend

"I'm single, solvent and the same age so I'm as desperate as you like in a lot of ways and even I think he sounds a bit creepy " - I'll fight you for him Spicey. Will be true test of how desparate we both are In my defnece I do actually like rugby. But am fat so may not measure up to existing girlfriend. On the other hand Bently's are good for fat birds - they make us look slimmer. Forget magic knickers - get yourself a Bentley to make your bum look smalelr.

(Trust me it was the only benefit of Ex's roller)

i wonder if his girlfriend is inflatable?

he does mention she keeps bouncing back, after all.

An epileptic, echopraxic professional rugby player with tourettes....... lucky you have a GSOH.

Well ladies, that's all been laugh a minute. Thanks for some very funny but hopeless advice from most of you.

And don't forget the fag-hags!

Good night and good luck, cos you're going to need it (most of you)!!!

Well I got up as I've got a cold and the dry throat syndrome, sat me here with a cuppa tea and thought I'd drop in... and what did I see???? A little mouse was scurrying around this post whilst we were all ...

At 2' in the morning... Mr. AndyPandy calling our dear male posters fag-hags and saying (couldn't read between the lines could he?) our advise was hopeless... there it is, in a nut shell.

That is your falldown then, you can't take wholesome advise and some of it, even if it was rather mean/nasty at times (self included) was worth diluting and taking on board.

You see Scarceandy... on MN we have a good laugh while we toss it back and forth (rather like felines with ... a ball of silver paper (in your case)) (something shiney and looks good but sets your fillings off), so don't get upset.

'Do come back and let us know things pan out for you.

What a Knob jockey!

I wish I'd had a proper go at him last night now.

Between this one and the dick in the car park I am starting to lose faith in there being any decent blokes out there.

Andy, you have just shown us your true colours. If you'd been able to take a little gentle banter and have a laugh at yourself, you might have been in with a chance of finding a nice girl. But no - you couldn't take it.

There's your answer, as Kally says.

Anyway the Times is shit.

Fantastic - we're being told we need luck by someone who hasn't even snogged his other half since May - I mean I've got a non-sleeping 14 month daughter and we're managing better than that!

I am a very surprised to read some of the very insulting answers this man has received. He came here to ask for advice, he sounds very genuine wondering why he is not able to maintain a long term relationship, if you have nothing constructive to say then you should have gone to another thread.

Saying he has "the personality of a wet fish", and God knows what else is really not helpful. Frankly some of you remind me of the bullies I used to hate at school. And you are raising children? Is this the sort of attititude you are teaching your children?

Have some compassion.

saracenandy, you sound like a very nice geniune man. Reading what you have posted, I think it is hard to know exactly what the problem is. Have you considered going to a counsellor or psychologist? I think someone in that capacity may be able to help you see the picture more clearly.

Well that all ended rather unpleasantly didn't it. Was this because you all thought the OP was a troll or are you people routinely such an unsympathetic shower?

Aaah cross-posted with you TinySocks. Well said.

I totally agree TinySocks. There's really no need for such hurtful comments, bunch of bloody bullies.

Hey, I was nice. And I asked a normal question too. If you are still there saracenandy then think about what is attracting you to the women you date. If it is just looks then there's your answer. If it is common interests/personality and its still not working out then you need to look at what these women are seeing in you iyswim.

I was nice too, initially. But seeing the comment about 'fag hags' really upset me and I'm afraid I think he deserved a bollocking after that.

I haven't read what happened to him in between.

Fwiw I've read a bit more now and there are some cruel posts, no doubt.

Andy if you're still reading this:

I suspect your answer is actually something to do with your 'story' in your head. This is traight up, I'm not taking the piss anymore.

We all have a story. Usually we're not that aware of it, ie it's subconscious. But it controls what happens to us in a sense.

For instance if your ma was quite distant and demanding, and you felt unloved, that's the kind of girl you'll choose...maybe so you can finally try and persuade your 'mum' to admit she loves you or show some affection.
Or maybe so you can go through the process again and again of having it all fail and then getting cross with said girl because sheis, in your feelings, the equivalent of your unaffectionate mother.

Does any of this sound plausible?

I'd suggest some therapy if so, it can often unlock all this crap and change the way you go about things, like choosing your girlfriends.

(ps - maybe your mum wanted you to achieve highly as well - thus the ambitious stuff you seem to display thinking it will attract 'her'?)

gawd, just read this thread

MN at its worst - mean and spiteful. Its like one poster says something cruel and then the next has to better them and onwards.

how many of you giving the 'advice' are in im a good relationship?????????

saracenandy - i do hope you come back to this thread, not all of us are egomaniac witches on a power trip.

This is a joke.. can't believe it's still going.

That andy bloke has been rude to anybody who has aked a question.. it's clear to see why he hasn't got a girlfriend

I offered lots of genuine advice.

All ignored.

It descended into silliness becasue OP addressed virtually none of the genuine advice he got - only one way it was going to go after that.

And those who say you shouldn't post on a thread unless you are going to say something nice can just feck right off. You can't send a post out on the internet to a random group of unknown strangers across the world as a single childless man on a parenting website and dictate the kind of response you get.

I don't have to pretend he is my bestest friend and I'm not obliged to keep my mouth shut - thats the point of an internet forum, you get all opinions and anyone genuine with a brain will take that on board and learn from it. Not ignore all the reasonable advice then start bad mouthing people becuase we haven't said what he wanted.

What exactly did you want us to say Andy? "No, no you are lovely women are horrible? "

If nothing else, the nasty comments should have given the OP a bit of an indication as to how totally unimpressed most women are by men who go on about how rich they are.

There was lots of good advice on here.

Oh here we go - "he didn't address/listen to/take our advice"
Therefore it was open bloody season.

The guy was at work whilst posting initially, he then clearly left work and went out (because he doesn't have kids and therefore doesn't have to stay home posting on a blardy internet forum all night) and in the meantime, in his absence, the bitch-fest begins and now you are saying it began becaue he didn't address your advice.

Well I'm sorry but you didn't give him a chance, he could have come back to the forum this morning and addressed any advice offered but to be frank why the hell would he in the face of all the nasty posts.

It really fucks me off when mumsnetters make a post at say 10:15am offering advice and then if it hasn't been acknowledged or acted on by the OP by at least 10:25 they get all flouncy. FFS advice can take time to filter through. It isn't always immediate.

He came across as a knob. He asked a question and then didn't want to think about the answer. Why should anyone give him the time of day?

Andy, did you find that article as tedious as we all did? Or are you in fact Luke Leitch. If you are, I wouldn't admit to it either, your lack of style was exasperating.

Sorry rantineminor, I think in this case you are wrong.

I suggested a dating sites chat forum would be more appropriate I was told that I should read the relationship threads.

Lulu asked about one of his condtions and was told to look on wiki when he could have written a sentence I'm sure.

various people offered genuine advice but all he was interested in was telling us what a big man he was.

To be honest I don't think he was here for advice. there other boards where he could get a lot more varied advice from other singles - men & women (e.g. a online dating forum site)

So what the thread turned into a jokey thread.. quite alot of them on here do!