Are you still madly in love with your DH/DP?

[sad36]

...or do you just love them dearly? DO you think it is normal to lose those heady rushy feelings and just feel happy, comfortable, settled, or is that not enough in a relationship?

[starshaker]

dont know about any of this just know he makes me feel safe sometimes i wonder if im in love at all. we been together for just over a year and our baby is due in a few weeks time but i dont think hes ever made my head spin or my heart beat extra fast. ive been in relationships where i am so into the person i thought i was gonna explode but my dp doesnt do that but i know he worships the ground i walk on and would never hurt me like ive been hurt in the past. i had a violent relationship before and im still a bit wary. sometimes i feel that he deserves someone who worships the ground he walks on but i know i would never hurt him and i dont want to be without him. although i dont think my world would end if i wasnt with him like it felt like in the past. does this make me a bad person

[kate100]

I'm still totally in love with DH. although it is different from the early days, I still get a flutter in my tummy and get excited when I see him and I'm beside my self if he takes a day off for us all to be together. I love that he thinks of me ( and me about him) when we do things and he does nice little things for me, like we agreed not to buy each other anything for Valentines, but he came home that night with my favourite sweets. Ooooh and I still fancy him like mad!!!

[rubles]

I am so glad for the entries of sad36/toothache/nutcracker/twinsetandpearls etc here. Thank you ladies. Without you I think I would be going off to sob quietly somewhere that I don't feel such strength of conviction about dp that so many other MNers seem to do...in fact I have been reading this thread with much disbelief that there are so many ecstatically happy women.
I had always thought that I was fairly normal but now I am beginning to wonder that I have sold myself short.

[expatinscotland]

The only person I was ever madly in love with turned out to be the biggest disaster of my life. So I learned my lesson and never did that again, and I've been much happier as a result. I'd rather have respect than love. Hell, to me, respect IS love.

[Toothache]

If I was as madly and passionately in love with my DH as some of you here seem to be with yours..... I wouldn't be on Mumsnet so much, I'd be ripping his clothes off the second the kids shut their eyes!!!

[expatinscotland]

I don't ever want to be 'madly' in love w/anyone again. There was no balance for me in that madness. And I can't be happy w/o balance and stability.

[crazy]

I wish I was, I so envy people who still fancy the a*se off there DP/DH"s. I love him, but don't lust for him...sadly

[expatinscotland]

I don't miss lusting after a/one. I remember how fool I acted b/c of it, and it doesn't make me proud. Maybe it's different for other folks, but for me it was a real disaster.

[Toothache]

Expatinscotland - Me too! I was really insecure about him. Not because he had ever cheated on me, but just that I loved him SO much I was so scared he'd leave me.... and he did.

If I want lust and passion.... I'll just go find myself a bit on the side!

Happy days!

[expatinscotland]

Toothache,
It was the 'bit on the side' where all the probs started (in a previous relationship)!

I'm even off that! Hell, I'd take a good book over RL lust a/day!

But I hear ya. I was glad to see the back of lust. Can focus on some other deadly sins instead .

[nutcracker]

Rubles - I know i have sold myself short and tbh it really p**s me off.
I had offers from guys a 100 times better than dp, and ones that i actually fancied, so how i ended up in this mess i don't quite know.

[lavenderrr]

nutcracker, so why did you get together with dp in the first if you don't mind me at all asking...sorry to be nosey.

[Toothache]

lol Expat!

Nutty - That's not good, but I can relate. I'm hoping that with marriage counselling I can make this better. I don't think I have as many doubts as you do. You sound so unhappy.

An affair should liven things up a bit!! Only kidding. Does DH know how you feel? Does DH feel like he settled for 2nd best with you or is he smitten?

[nutcracker]

Hmm well i was bored, living at home, under pressure from my dad to find a job (any job really) and then there was dp (met him on the cb radio), who would sit and talk to me all night if needs be to cheer me up, and he did too.
I met him at a friends house and have to be honest and say that i didn't fancy him at all and was quite relieved that i thought he didn't fancy me either.

Anyway i later found out that he did actually fancy me and i then sort of let the things go further than they should and felt i couldn't turn back.

That was nearly 9 years ago.

[expatinscotland]

Aw, nutcracker. No words to say. Only that I've been there (but didn't have kids w/the fella). ((HUGS))

[expatinscotland]

Aw, nutcracker. No words to say. Only that I've been there (but didn't have kids w/the fella). ((HUGS))

[Toothache]

Oh Nutty. something must be working for it to last 9 years??? Or is it just easier and less scary to stay where you are?

Do you think you could ever love him? I am a firm believer in that you can learn to love someone.... and build up that bond.

[nutcracker]

It's easier and less scary to stay where i am .

[expatinscotland]

I agree 100%, Toothache! Learning to love s/one is a lesson I learned the hard way.

[Toothache]

Nutty - How do you think you could make this better? Is there anything?

[nutcracker]

I can't toothache and i know it will end eventually, it's just a case of when really.

[Toothache]

Well for your sake I hope you find the courage to do it soon.

[nutcracker]

Courage....thats the only thing stopping me really, well that and loads of money

[Socci]

Message withdrawn

[80sMum]

Just remember that there is no rule book. Nowhere does it say that we have to be 'in love' for ever with our partners, that we have to have sex 4 times a week, or that we have to pursue impossible dreams or strive after ideals we may never achieve. Some of us may want to do those things, others may not. We all do what feels OK for us. IMHO, long-term relationships need companionship above all else. In the end, that's the kind of love that lasts. I think Louis de Bernière sums it up beatifully in Captain Corelli's Mandoline, thus:
"Love is a temporary madness,
it erupts like volcanoes and then subsides.
And when it subsides you have to make a decision.
You have to work out whether your roots have so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part.
Because this is what love is.
Love is not breathlessness,
it is not excitement,
it is not the promise of eternal passion.
That is just being "in love" which any fool can do.
Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident.
Those that truly love, have roots that grow towards each other underground,
and when all the pretty blossom have fallen from their branches,
they find that they are one tree and not two"

That's a pretty accurate description of me and dh. We've known each other for 31 years and I can't imagine ever being with anyone else.