Are you still madly in love with your DH/DP?

[sad36]

...or do you just love them dearly? DO you think it is normal to lose those heady rushy feelings and just feel happy, comfortable, settled, or is that not enough in a relationship?

[boredhousewife]

I do love him, but look back with nostalgia on those first few months when we were so infatuated with each other our friends refused to go anywhere with us. ("too much snogging")

I wish we could recapture that from time to time, but after 12 years (10 years married), I guess it's probably not going to happen.

I'm currently experiencing a sort of shadow of that rush (see "why am I doing this?" thread), and it is really intoxicating.

But I know it's no substitute for the things we've been through together, the children we've made together, and the family we have.

[zenia]

After 10 years - definately

[Ags]

I have always believed that love changes kind of like we change over the years.

I love my dh very much, we have been together for 14 years but sometimes he does something or I catch a glimpse of him from afar and I get that 'rush' which catapults me back to when we first met. Those moments make me remember why I love him so much and make the not so great moments worthwhile.

Since we had ds 18 months ago, I am also seeing a whole new side of him which makes me love him in a new way, I guess I love him as my husband but I also love the way he is being a father.

When I took ds for his measles jab it was one of the snowy days and dh was working from home. We got back and my dh rushed round the side of the house with my yellow marigolds on looking very excited. When we followed him around he had built a snowman for ds complete with stick hands, carrot nose and shallot (very posh!) buttons and eyes. That made me love him loads.

He also brought roses home for me this evening which was most unusual and very sweet!! Affair alert??!!!!!!

[nikcola]

i love him as much as i did at first but i dont thik he loves me as much as i love him x

[colinsmommy]

Hmm. It is not as intense or passionate as it used to be in the beginning. But he still makes me smile. He has lived up to my (fairly high) expectations of him as a husband and father, which makes me love him so much. I love him in new ways since DS was born, I wish I could explain what a great father he is. I loved him so much when we were married, but it really pales in comparison to how much I do now after almost 7 years. There are certainly passionate moments, or moments when I get butterflies, but not all the time like before. Even though it is a different kind of love, it is still great.

[Shoney]

Not madly and breathlessly like in the begining but he still makes my tummy flip

BTW for anyone who isn't happy in their relationship but would like to be or isn't sure if leaving is the right choice try reading The Divorce Remedy or visiting their website www.divorcebusting.com

[Bugsy2]

Have just read this thread through the whole way, every single post. It is so lovely to read about those who are clearly in love & loved back. As someone who has just got divorced from an "endurance" relationship and is in the first heady rush of a new relationship - it is both inspirational & scary. I so desperately don't want to make the same mistake again.
Wonderful quote from Captain Correlli - oh to achieve it!!!!!

[granarybeck]

I do still love my dh in some ways, we have been together for 12 years, since i was 15, and married for 8yrs, and have two children. We have always been very close. but since he had an affair last year i don't know whether its possible to be completely in love with someone who has let you down so much. but we do get on and work well as a family

[sansouci]

"He would have us stay together even if we were both miserable for the rest of our lives." What a dope he is! Don't you dare accept it, Nutty!

"...tell me that he will make my life as hard as poss if we split (regarding kids and stuff i spose), and he would too." Blackmail! He's manipulating you and he's scared sh*tless, I guess but again, don't fall for it. It's very selfish of him. He's the one who should be feeling guilty, not you. And what about your kids? He would actually use them to make your life miserable?

[nutcracker]

I have told him how i feel many a time, but he always manages to make me feel guilty and tell me that he will make my life as hard as poss if we split (regarding kids and stuff i spose), and he would too.
He is in denial i think. He knows but would never admit it.

[nutcracker]

Hmmmm yeah you may be right he may not be happy, but he has been divorced before and has said many times that he wouldn't want to go through it again (although we aren't married but ykwim) for anything.

He would have us stay together even if we were both miserable for the rest of our lives.

[sansouci]

oops, posts xed. So he can't be happy, either, if he knows.

[sansouci]

Don't feel guilty, nutty! It's not your fault! You can't force yourself to love someone, right? Yes, he will be hurt & that's terrible but he will eventually get over it. But you're hurt/unhappy now & it can't go on. One day you'll be happy again and dp will ultimately be glad, too. He MUST have some idea of how you feel, even if you've never told him.

[nutcracker]

He knows i am not happy too, as he is always asking me to tell him whats wrong.

[nutcracker]

Yep i think he does still love me, and that does make me feel guilty as for all his faults, he still doesn't deserve what i will eventually do to him.

[sansouci]

Have now read thru thread & can't decide whether to be , or . Or puke.

So sorry, nutty. Do you think your dp still loves you? Even if you don't talk about it, he must sense that you're not happy.

[Gwenick]

don't think I've posted on this thread - my answer is "Yes" - still love him to bits - probably love him 'more' now than when we first 'got together' - he waas "He'll do date" to start with - 1 1/2 months later we were engaged

[nutcracker]

Thanks Pg

[Newyearmum]

80sMum
I really love that Captain Correlli quote, makes perfect sense.

[ponygirl]

Well, you know we're here if you need us, nutty. xx

[sansouci]

Haven't read anything but your initial post sad36, but I think it's completely normal to "lose those heady rushy feelings". Sometimes I feel I don't even know dh anymore or even really like him that much & sometimes I'm overwhelmed by my love for him. But the excitement has gone, I'm afraid, after 11 years and 2 small, demanding babies. I'm 42 & have been through my share of falling in love, lust, whatever during the past 27 or so years & there is definitely a pattern. Feeling happy, comfortable, settled is brilliant... except if you feel it isn't enough for you. Is that the case?

[nutcracker]

I know i should Pg, and it does make me sad that i'm not, but i spose i have just become hardened to it a bit.
I do hope that i will be happy one day, and the thought of that helps.

[ponygirl]

But you shouldn't have to be hiding/dealing with it. You should be happy.

[nutcracker]

God, sorry i seem to be monopolising this thread a bit.
Nik - No i don't love him, i haven't for a long long time.

Ponygirl - I'm fine honestly, it is something i've become very good at hiding/dealing with.

Bumptobabies - You are very right, you described it exactly. I also think that what you said about 'is there ever a mr right' is one of the other reasons i don't leave.
I don't do 'alone' very well, never have, even as a child, and the thought of being alone scares the hell out of me. Sometimes though it also seems to be exactly what i want.
I often think, ok, so i don't love him, and i don't want to be with him, but i could end up with someone far worse for all i know.

[fisil]

Well, I jumped up and down with excitement when dp came home unexpectedly early one day this week, and I missed him when ds & I went away for a night last weekend ...

... but I wouldn't say madly in love, I'd say that I am deeply in love, and would be mad if I didn't have him to love!

I'm glad our relationship isn't like it was when we first met, 8 1/2 years ago. I can remember worrying about whether we were compatible because I like my sleep, and we got absolutely none, night after night! Whereas so far this year we've managed a big fat 0 times! I think love goes through stages!