Are you still madly in love with your DH/DP?

[sad36]

...or do you just love them dearly? DO you think it is normal to lose those heady rushy feelings and just feel happy, comfortable, settled, or is that not enough in a relationship?

[Nikkichik]

I don't know about madly in love as that would have been a bit difficult not to say exhausting to sustain. We've only been together 6 years so not long really but I guess we've packed a lot into that time and have spent very little time apart. There is still a healthy dose of passion in our relationship but I guess we're at the comfortable glow stage now rather than the raging fire stage - sometime just being together is more important. I look forward to seeing him at the end of the day and to snuggling up beside him at night - even when he does snore!. He is my steadying influence and the logical/calm one in our relationship. We work well together and he is a great dad. That's not to say we don't fall out and it's usually me who ends up apologising! He drives me nuts sometimes and I know it's mutual!!!

[welshmum]

Yes I am. Obviously we have exhausted times when we seem to hardly make contact but underneath I always have this strong and constant sense of how we are meant for each other. He sustains me and cares for me in a wonderful way and I love him to distraction. And he's gorgeous too, and super fab with dd.
When it comes to the RL analogy I'd only go on like this to close friends who wouldn't be upset by it. It's easier to gush on MN

[nutcracker]

Similar story Toothache, I met dp and then 2 weeks later moved in with him, and 5mths later i was expecting dd1. Much too much too soon.

[nutcracker]

I think it helps alot if you actually fancy them too. I don't fancy dp at all which i find hard.

[Toothache]

Gawd, I just do NOT feel that way about DH and I can honestly say....I never have! That doesn't mean I don't love him.... just not in the way you lot seem to love your partners.

....that'll probably explain why we're in counselling!

We've crammed a lot into 5 years: 2 children aged 3.8yrs and 7 months, bought our first house, got married... not been much time for anything else!

[Toothache]

Nutcracker - I don't think I fancy DH either. It's hard to fancy someone who doesn't mind letting a fart rip on your thigh in bed as you're lying next to him. Not exactly endearing.... we don't even sleep in the same bed at the moment with the new baby and all.... I don't miss it! I go to bed to sleep, and I sleep much better without him there snoring.

[PuffTheMagicDragon]

Used to love him truly madly, now it's truly deeply. He's a great guy.

[nutcracker]

Know exactly what you mean Toothache.

Someone asked me the other week if me and dp were gonna get married, i think the sheep look of horror on my face told her the answer.

[TwinSetAndPearls]

This has made me a bit and a touch as i am not madly in love with dp, and don't think I ever have been.

I have done madly in love,unable to eat, high passion and it ended in so much hurt that I will never do that again, well not while I have my dd to think about.

I do love my dp and I miss him dreadfully when he is not around but he doesn't make my heart race with excitment. But he is my rock ( and no he isn't a butler!! ) which to me as a Mum is far more important than a mad passion that would not last.

[handlemecarefully]

Twinsetandpearls

Sounds good to me!

[Riebee]

Yes I love him so much. We have been together for 5 years married for 1. he always says the right thing, rarely says the wrong thing. Has helped me through numerous hard times and is my soulmate. He still makes my stomach flip. He makes me feel special and sexy even when I've felt like ten ton tess. I didn't give him a good morning kiss the other day and when I saw him later he said he hadn't been able to think straight all day made me feel all loved up

[nutcracker]

Riebee - Awwwwwwww that is sooooooo lovely

[ThomCat]

Sometimes I'm madly in love, sometimes i'm just mad

[emmatmg]

I agree nutty, that is lovely Riebee

[romany4]

I adore my dh!
We got engaged 2 weeks after meeting and have been together 15 years now.
He is the only person I would trust my life with. I still get a rush when he walks in the room and miss him like crazy when he`s not with me.
He has a wicked sense of humour and has me rolling on the floor laughing sometimes.
He is everything to me

[eidsvold]

we had a very 'heady' time when we first got together - dated july, engaged august, married october and pregnant november.... BIG year that one Now almost four years and 2 dds later can honestly say that I cannot imagine my life without him and wonder why I had to wait soooo long and move to the other side of the world to find him!!

Although I had been married before and thought that heady passionate lustful stuff was important and would last ( young and stupid I know!!)

Having been through some tough times (with dh2) of dd1 - born with heart defect and down syndrome, two open heart surgeries at 8 weeks old, recovery etc....I know that what I have with dh is far more precious and important.

As someone else said - would not think twice about taking a bullet for him. Think he is amazing - he left the UK , all his family, friends and brilliant job to move to Australia - no job, house and mortgage and knew no one - for me and dd1.... what more could I ask??

He still makes me laugh when he is somewhat drunk and starts getting all gushy - I lurveee you and stuff, he has the most beautiful blue eyes you could lose yourself in..... ohhh am going all gooey!!!

Other days he drives me nuts and I just want to throttle him... know I drive him nuts........

would not change it for the world...

[suzywong]

Actually just re-reading this thread and watching handsome dh feeding noodles to ds2 with chopsticks I realise I am madly in love with him. Just not as mad as a twenty something anymore

[marthamoo]

Gonna get dh to feed ds2 noodles with chopsticks and see if it does anything for me...

[sad36]

Toothache, that really helped. I am exactly the same - had plenty of heady rushy madly in love realtionships, but where did they get me?? Not very far. Didn't really have any of that with DH, must more solid, trusting, dependable, safe sort of feeling and just went with it. Feeling a bit insecure at the mo so thats why I started the thread, and it did me a lot of good to hear stories like yours. Just needed confirmation I guess that not everyone is madly in lust all the time!

[munnzieb]

I do agree with romany - I trust my DH with my life (and he's the only one) I'd take a bullet for him, and kill for him, it's the little things he does which make me think ahhh he does care and brings all the feelings to the top again, after 5 years, he's still surprising me! for example as he's away at the mo, and it's my b'day on sun, he said he'd get his mum to send me something down - granted wouldv'e been nice had he not said, but on the other hand he's in a war zone and still managed to remeber/think about my birthday. when were were first married I had the usual doubts am I doing the right things etc.. being just 21 and married already, two years later I can honestly say - yes, best thing that's happened so far was getting married. Althou we do drive each other nuts as well! he honestly is my right arm and i'd be lost without him - just going around in circles really trying to find my way!

[Toothache]

Twinsetandpearls and sad36 - Perhaps that's why we are in this kind of relationship? I was hurt so bad twice and don't hink I'll ever forgive my 2nd love for the way it all ended. That was 7 years ago! I don't still love that guy BTW. I suppose marrying someone who you love and care for.... but just don't pine after and fall to bits when they're not around is like a defence mechanism.

But which way around is it? If I hadn't been hurt would I allow myself to madly and passionately love DH? Is it my past that stops me feeling that way for DH..... or is it just that I found someone to marry who I was not passionately in love with and never will be?

Hmm... must ponder this one for a while more....
[pondering emoticon}

Maybe if I was less inhibited I would see that I am madly in love with DH. He is definitely my friend and he makes me laugh. Maybe I need to loosen up a bit.


Sorry, waffling, thinking out loud...

[merrygoround]

Never "madly"in love, and it has been such a rocky ride for 9 years that I often wonder why I'm with dp. But the mere fact that I am is because I love him, although it is hard sometimes to work out why the hell I do. Suspect it is because underneath all the surface stuff he has values that are the same as mine - particularly loyalty and honesty, and that on a deeper level he has some of my dad's good qualities. Think it no coincidence that my dp is a very practical person (engineer by trade, good at fixing things), just like my dad was. Perhaps we are programmed to find some things irresistible - with my rational brain I would NEVER have chosen dp, so many good reasons not to!!!

[merrygoround]

PS Don't think I'd take a bullet for him I'm afraid - on a practical level I think I'd be better at caring for dd if it had to be just one of us, and I do tend to think in terms of practicalities - not very romantic I suppose.

[TwinSetAndPearls]

Toothache - I know exactly why I love my partner and why I have chosen to settle own with him, because he adores me and my daughter (who is not his) and he would go to the ends of the earth to look after us. WE don't have a heady passionate love but we do have one that will last as we have both gone nto the relationship with open eyes. I will not allow myself to gt hurt again as I was a dreadful mother when I went through my self obsessed heart broken licking my wounds phase. I ahve to put my daughter's welfare before my own.

I am a girl who falls for the glitzy men with something of the night about them, I live danger, glamour excitment - but that doesn't match with being a mother to a demanding toddler.

it would be great if I could find a man who was both a great father and who rocked my boat as it were - but I never managed to combine the two and my daughter needed a good father figure in her life more than I needed heady passion that would not last.

There is a saying about arranged marriages that Western marriages start hot and grow cold while arranged ones start cold and grow warm. While our relationship has never been cold I am happy with a long warm feeling.

[Enid]

still totally love him, sometimes he pisses me off but then get a flash of the funny, sexy boy I met all those years ago and I love him some more