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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Falling really badly for gorgeous total stranger??? *long, sorry *

372 replies

Portmeirion · 13/10/2008 16:35

Namechanger

So the title says it all.

A few weeks ago I was in the park with DS, and there was this chap sitting on the grass with a model plane. DS watches him flying it completely fascinated, and the bloke saw this and then looked up and smiled at me, then he said to DS, Here, do you want a go? And he let DS fly this plane and fetch it back a few times.

After a bit he said he had to go, and stood up, and DS wanted to carry on playing with the plane, and he smiled at me again and said Sorry, is he going to hassle you to buy him one now? Then went off.

Pushed DS on the swings a bit, and then went for a coffee. It was busy and I'm looking around for somewhere to sit, and who do I see...yes, Model Plane Boy there already. DS saw him too and ran over, so I went over to get him back and MPB said we should sit there because he was going and we could have his table and sofa. He looked very pointedly at both my hands, checking for rings, then he asked if he could buy my coffee!!

Did I mention I really fancied him? He isn't my usual type at all, I like beefy rugby player types and he's thin and quite geeky looking but very good looking. Blond with big grey eyes but he has this lovely manner about him - stands up when I come in, listens without interrupting, and never takes his eyes off me. His name is Joel. I even like his name.

I had to get DS to nursery (he does afternoons) so had to go. J is out of work at the moment - he had meningitis and then got something else in hospital, so he lost a lot of weight and then while he was off work they laid him off. He doesn't care because he claimed on his insurance and had a lump sum, but he still gets tired easily. He sort of flops gratefully into chairs and then hardly moves, just lounges around looking chilled.

Anyway I couldn't see him because of work and stuff and also I don't want to see him with DS tagging along, getting attached to someone who might not be sticking around (anyone basically). But last week he rang me and we spent 3 HOURS on the phone! He has an older half-brother - his dad married his mum when she had a boy from a previous relationship so I guess he's not fazed by DS.

We got together yesterday (DS had a party) and had a lovely couple of hours - tea and chat outside on a sunny autumn day. He made a paper aeroplane for me to take home for DS which I thought was sweet. He says the most charming things in a very innocent way. He asked me if the coat I had on was expensive and when I said no he said Well you make it look expensive. He said he let DS play with the plane because then I'd have to talk to him...

He wants to take me out for dinner this Friday but I can't get a babysitter - I don't know many people round here except other mums from nursery who'd be in the same boat. Also I am thinking Wait a minute, he doesn't have a job, I don't know him, I don't know anyone who knows him and although I've got his phone number I don't even know where he lives. Why hasn't he got a GF? He says he broke up with someone last year. All I know is what he's told me.

Basically he is an almost total stranger but I can't stop thinking about him, I feel like we really connected on the phone and I really, really want to sleep with him (haven't had sex for ~2 years and I even told him that...)...I've been having very detailed dirty thoughts about him . But I don't know what to say about Friday, if I say no because of the babysitter, will he not bother again?

So am I being really rash? At times I think maybe that's what he does? Maybe he's a paedo who picks up single mums in parks? Or am I being paranoid?

OP posts:
Flightattendant2 · 16/10/2008 13:50

I really hope he is genuine and nice and straightforward. I'm glad you can see that it might not work out because it's wise to bear that in mind when you're creating a whole fantasy around some stranger.

The coat compliment was one thing I kind of thought 'that is a very typical chat up line' and I do think he sounds like he is an expert at saying the right things. A bit too good at it.

That could be my cynical self talking but fwiw I would not truat someone this good at it. He might be fine and very nice. But if he is trying to hoodwink you and is not genuine, or interested in you long term, he is really reeling you in - hook, line and sinker.

Just be careful pet x

Flightattendant2 · 16/10/2008 13:51

Maybe it's just that the most groomed, polite blokes I've met have usually been the ones with lots of practise

I won't go into the endless stories of the ones that (thank goodness) got away!

IfYouDidntLaughYoudCry · 16/10/2008 14:29

This is so lovely. Have butterflies for you! Does he look like anyone famous so I can picture him? I keep getting Russell Howard from Mock The Week...

Portmeirion · 16/10/2008 15:07

FA2: this is exactly what I am getting at only you said it much better. He could just be well-rehearsed.

A friend of mine had an affair with a married man for 10 years - basically she wasted the whole of her 20s on him. She did not want to know he was no good. She insisted his wife didn't understand him and he had always been completely straight with her.

It took a man to convince her in the end - he said that either he's always been completely straight with her, or he's just very good at what he does.

Possibly Joel is also just good at what he does. The male character in his favourite book is a charmer but emotionally there's nobody home.

Reading too much into this.

Someone admired me for a change and I enjoyed it, nice change from feeling invisible which you are to men if you are fat, pregnant or have a child.

I will enjoy the night out even if that's all it is.

OP posts:
Portmeirion · 16/10/2008 15:15

IfYouDidntLaughYoudCry: um, more like Paul Bettany, but a narrower face.

OP posts:
lou33 · 16/10/2008 15:34

ooh paul bettany!

Flightattendant2 · 16/10/2008 15:44

DO enjoy it! Please do. Thanks for not getting annoyed with me!!

finknottle · 16/10/2008 16:12

"I will enjoy the night out even if that's all it is." Good approach, imo.

And I don't think I'll be the only MNer wondering "How Port's date is going?" ... as I spend another Friday evening on my own while s1 has a sleepover/Guitar Hero night with his friends and h is engrossed in his cyber-life
What yer wearing then?

Portmeirion · 16/10/2008 16:42

It's going to be the interestingly short skirt, black tights & boots, sweater with high neck over underwires. Has to be sweater on top if underwired beneath, as do not want the scaffolding visible. Lets daylight in on the magic. There are ways of displaying your tits without displaying your tits . The boots plus short skirt route offers a bit of leg without showing anything.

I think I will probably go with the hair up suggestion. Maintains a slight formality and makes for a cool distance, and I can always thaw

Babysitter is coming at 6.30 and the table is for 8, so she can help with dinner / bath / story / bed for DS while I get ready. Eye makeup! Yeah I remember that! Christ it's been ages! Hope the hands are steady enough

Parking is usually a total pain so I shall probably try to get there and park in good time but not actually turn up at the restaurant until about quarter past.

It's in a pedestrian side street off a main street, always lots of people about. I've told babysitter I'll be back around 11 to 1130 and if I'm much later I'll call. She's 10 minutes away too so she doesn't care how late I'm back but she will know if I'm overdue.

It's a 10 minute drive if that. Thought about a cab, but then he might offer me a lift home, and I'm not ready for him to know where I live just yet. This may well change by the end of the date, but not planning around it .

He'll have to have his snog on the pavement outside. Nul points for style if he then tries to grope me in public. Like a bit of a grope but there's a time and a place and outside Waterstones is not it

So sensible precautions. But NO CONDOMS! Not going there tomorrow! Down girl!

OP posts:
IfYouDidntLaughYoudCry · 16/10/2008 16:44

Wow Paul Bettany is yummy!

Portmeirion · 16/10/2008 16:50

Yep. Went to see Master and Commander with brother when it was out - he went for the violence, I went for Russell Crowe and ended up paying more attention to Paul Bettany.

Trouble is, in his other stuff, he always seems to play murderous psychos!

OP posts:
zippitippitoes · 16/10/2008 16:52

portmeirion you are making me lol

were you in the military in a previous life?

you seem incredibly analytical and detailed in your approach

Toots · 16/10/2008 16:56

portmeirion you sound like a major catch and this thread is more deliciously moreish than anything in recipes.

He is proper keen I think. I would keep conversation RIGHT off sex tomorrow night, if you can. Head him off at the pass (ooerr, you know what I mean).

And definitely drink slowly! I am so glad he is not coming round with dinner that's WAY down the line. This from the girl who never waited until the second date...

finknottle · 16/10/2008 16:57

Ditto, zippitippitoes, military planning or what
But still vicariously hypnotic

VinegARGHHHTits · 16/10/2008 16:57

Your so well prepared Portmerion, i would have taken a cab got pished and probably shagged him, but i am a trollop at times

zippitippitoes · 16/10/2008 16:59

i have never thought about anything in this kind of detail

you are even planning how/where to kiss him!

lou33 · 16/10/2008 17:02

vinegar i am glad someone else was thinking that

honestfriend · 16/10/2008 17:03

I think there is something quite sweet about a grope on the pavement- all teenage-ish- and it shows if he is a perfect gent- not that you might want that! It's all about the promise of more to come..

enjoy

Portmeirion · 16/10/2008 17:09

Well, first of all it is fun and secondly it is the habit of doing so around DS and my timetable but:

actually I blame you lot for reminding me that this is after all a near enough complete stranger. I have been sternly warned here not to get pished and shag him.

Oooh. What a nice thought.

Ahem. Behave.

So - safe venue, someone knows who I am and when I'm back etc.

The outfit could well get completely rethought. Several times.

He better not try the "was that XX expensive?" line again. Or indeed repeat himelf as that usually means he's got more than 1 on the go and can't remember who he's said what to.

Just remmebered I haven't replied to his text. Achingly cool huh??

OP posts:
Portmeirion · 16/10/2008 17:10

Correct HF, it all depends what you expect a gentleman to do!!

OP posts:
honestfriend · 16/10/2008 17:13

well, I'd want a nice long slow kiss but no groping below the waist!

Portmeirion · 16/10/2008 17:16

He can grope my arse a bit if he likes, but yeah, definitely nowhere else below the waist.

OP posts:
VinegARGHHHTits · 16/10/2008 17:21

Oh i definatley admire the way you are going about it, i am going to use keep this thread for when i meet my next victim potential date and use the same tactics

BlingLovin · 16/10/2008 17:29

This is fantastic. Wish I'd been following all along. Am now bookmarked and looking forward to updates.

Just one thing, the "can't believe it's only thursday text" - I think that's just him making conversation, not necessarily referrign to the date. I'm not sure men are good at that. But... even if my theory is right, the key (and exciting) thing is that clearly he's thinking of you and wants to be in touch! excellent!

BlingLovin · 16/10/2008 17:29

Oh, and one other thing - I know lots of people (earlier) asked about him being alone etc, but if you've been sick for a while, I imagine you get used to spending a lot of time alone and get to be comfortable with your own company. And when you're sick, and get tired quickly, hanging out with people for the sake of it is not fun. I know.

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