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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Falling really badly for gorgeous total stranger??? *long, sorry *

372 replies

Portmeirion · 13/10/2008 16:35

Namechanger

So the title says it all.

A few weeks ago I was in the park with DS, and there was this chap sitting on the grass with a model plane. DS watches him flying it completely fascinated, and the bloke saw this and then looked up and smiled at me, then he said to DS, Here, do you want a go? And he let DS fly this plane and fetch it back a few times.

After a bit he said he had to go, and stood up, and DS wanted to carry on playing with the plane, and he smiled at me again and said Sorry, is he going to hassle you to buy him one now? Then went off.

Pushed DS on the swings a bit, and then went for a coffee. It was busy and I'm looking around for somewhere to sit, and who do I see...yes, Model Plane Boy there already. DS saw him too and ran over, so I went over to get him back and MPB said we should sit there because he was going and we could have his table and sofa. He looked very pointedly at both my hands, checking for rings, then he asked if he could buy my coffee!!

Did I mention I really fancied him? He isn't my usual type at all, I like beefy rugby player types and he's thin and quite geeky looking but very good looking. Blond with big grey eyes but he has this lovely manner about him - stands up when I come in, listens without interrupting, and never takes his eyes off me. His name is Joel. I even like his name.

I had to get DS to nursery (he does afternoons) so had to go. J is out of work at the moment - he had meningitis and then got something else in hospital, so he lost a lot of weight and then while he was off work they laid him off. He doesn't care because he claimed on his insurance and had a lump sum, but he still gets tired easily. He sort of flops gratefully into chairs and then hardly moves, just lounges around looking chilled.

Anyway I couldn't see him because of work and stuff and also I don't want to see him with DS tagging along, getting attached to someone who might not be sticking around (anyone basically). But last week he rang me and we spent 3 HOURS on the phone! He has an older half-brother - his dad married his mum when she had a boy from a previous relationship so I guess he's not fazed by DS.

We got together yesterday (DS had a party) and had a lovely couple of hours - tea and chat outside on a sunny autumn day. He made a paper aeroplane for me to take home for DS which I thought was sweet. He says the most charming things in a very innocent way. He asked me if the coat I had on was expensive and when I said no he said Well you make it look expensive. He said he let DS play with the plane because then I'd have to talk to him...

He wants to take me out for dinner this Friday but I can't get a babysitter - I don't know many people round here except other mums from nursery who'd be in the same boat. Also I am thinking Wait a minute, he doesn't have a job, I don't know him, I don't know anyone who knows him and although I've got his phone number I don't even know where he lives. Why hasn't he got a GF? He says he broke up with someone last year. All I know is what he's told me.

Basically he is an almost total stranger but I can't stop thinking about him, I feel like we really connected on the phone and I really, really want to sleep with him (haven't had sex for ~2 years and I even told him that...)...I've been having very detailed dirty thoughts about him . But I don't know what to say about Friday, if I say no because of the babysitter, will he not bother again?

So am I being really rash? At times I think maybe that's what he does? Maybe he's a paedo who picks up single mums in parks? Or am I being paranoid?

OP posts:
DforDiva · 14/10/2008 21:46

Im glad you are going out for date after all. Hope it goes well for you both.

Dioriffic · 15/10/2008 09:59

Message withdrawn

Portmeirion · 16/10/2008 10:22

He texted me this AM: "This week is going soooo slowly. Can't believe it's still only Thursday."

What does that mean? It feels to me like Friday is a long time to wait for this date. Is that what he's getting at?

Wardrobe decisions. Scent decisions. Wear / not wear? Can't remember the last time I wore scent. Is it being a bit keen for a first date?

OP posts:
eeewahwoowah · 16/10/2008 10:42

Ohmigod - he just can't wait for Friday. I have lurked on this thread the last couple of days and even I can't wait for your date on Friday!

lou33 · 16/10/2008 10:43

it means he is looking forward to seeing you

i wear perfume every day so it isnt an issue for me, but i dont see why you shouldnt wear some, it's not an unusual thing to do

Rubyrubyruby · 16/10/2008 10:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

eeewahwoowah · 16/10/2008 10:46

Yes, wear scent it's not indicative of keen-ness. What are you going to wear????

eeewahwoowah · 16/10/2008 10:47

what are you going to wear clothes wise that is not scent-wise.

Snaf · 16/10/2008 10:47

Yes, wear perfume if you want, but not too much (don't want to mask those pheromones )

Portmeirion · 16/10/2008 11:32

Well he obviously wants to date an older woman and therefore I intend to turn up looking like a well-groomed 30something example of one.

Now the rule is either tits or legs but not both in the same outfit else you look like a ho.

Clothes wise I am thinking black, I am thinking demure top, "advantageous" skirt. So he can check out the legs a bit, but only till we sit down. I am fairly happy with my legs actually. It's the pushing buggies up hills.

Good advice re scent. What the hell. I've got some Allure hair mist, which will make the snog I am hoping for that bit more fun for him without being de trop.

Speaking of pheromones I'm ovulating so by tomorrow night he's going to be right in the eye of a pheromone storm.

Good timing! The bloody calendar working for me for once. When he gets back from Oman, I am realistically going to be off games. So he is going to have to wait at least three weeks for me to have my wicked way. Obviously I will make this look like I am making him work for it.

I soooooo hope he doesn't now turn out to be an arse. If he's not, he will enjoy the very special favour I am going to grant him.

OP posts:
ditheringdora · 16/10/2008 11:43

there's something in the air!

A gorgeous(phoar!) man said to me "You have a busy schedule, this week" as we got off the train together -I had been talking to a client on the phone trying to arrange when we would meet.
He also had lovely eyes...
Anyway, I said yes, I was crazily busy and that was it. I was thinking shit am I one of those annoying people barking down the phone making everyone's journey intolerable?
He came over again and said "I'm sorry - that may have come across as terribly rude" and I said "No, you're fine, just wondering if I need to adjust my volume!" He smiled (lovely teeth),then clocked my bump (24 weeks yesterday) and legged it!!
Sorry for hijack but twas nice to be noticed, to be noticed - nice!

eeewahwoowah · 16/10/2008 11:43

I second the legs over tits thing. Same applies to make up apparently either eyes or lips but not both. If make-up is your thing then in a candle lit restaurant I would be inclined to go for sultry eyes.

VersdeSociete · 16/10/2008 11:45

Be careful about any scent - gives some people headaches! Not sure what that hair scent is.

eeewahwoowah · 16/10/2008 11:46

Chanel Allure for women is very pleasant and not overpowering.

eeewahwoowah · 16/10/2008 11:48

ditheringdora!!! he was definitely coming on to you.

Flightattendant2 · 16/10/2008 11:48

Oh, he does sound keen

But please keep in mind that you still don;'t really know him. I don't want to sound like a meany but you do kind of come across as having it all planned out, and at this stage that can only be in your head as he might not be the person you expect.
I've done this a lot in the past and so I just want to say be careful. I ended up seeing the man I wanted him to be, ignoring anything that might throw me off my path - and it wasn't sensible. So be realistic - please. Just get to know him before you start giving him your all. If he really is very lovely then you aren't going to blow it by taking it slowly. Anyone sensible would make damn sure they knew a person very well before disclosing anything or assuming he was the one you wanted to give special stuff to. So he will respect you more for that.

(I know you'll hate me for saying that!)

ditheringdora · 16/10/2008 11:52

I thought he was! But am generally nice-but-dim about these things, can't wait to tell dh (it has only been about oooh 8 years since someone last chatted me up)
how sad am I to be pleased about it?
anyhoo,best of luck to op with everything.

Portmeirion · 16/10/2008 11:54

Good points all and good point about eyes / lips EWWW.

I was thinking eyes too, but for the mundane reason that I'm planning to snog him.

There will be a shortish skirt and therefore no cleavage. What about underwires + sweater? Is that too close to doing tits?

OP posts:
VinegARGHHHTits · 16/10/2008 12:07

I am going to watch this thread, cant wait to hear all about the first date tomorrow, he sounds lovely Portmerion and you are playing things just right, cool but not too cool iykwim

coolbeans · 16/10/2008 12:12

How tight will the sweater be? How about sexy secretary? Hair up, shortish skirt, shirt and sleeveless jumper over it and nice knee high boots. (Can?t go wrong with boots). So you?re all covered up, but still alluring (to go with the hair mist)?

coolbeans · 16/10/2008 12:13

How tight will the sweater be? How about sexy secretary? Hair up, shortish skirt, shirt and sleeveless jumper over it and nice knee high boots. (Can?t go wrong with boots). So you?re all covered up, but still alluring (to go with the hair mist)?

coolbeans · 16/10/2008 12:17

Oops sorry - computer gremlins - not sure style advice was worth being posted twice....

Portmeirion · 16/10/2008 12:47

V good points FA2.

I am indeed feeling very teenagey about all this. I'm being taken out to a nice place with a handsome and conversational bloke with lovely manners who talks to me for hours like he's known me for years. I don't remember when that last bit has ever happened.

He could be an arse. He could be a total liar. I can check some of his facts out, but he could have been fired for fiddling his expenses for all I know.

Children are a great for putting men off you. They can even put their own fathers off you, as a few us MNers have discovered.

I don't know what the solution is though. If you meet someone and he knows you have kids, then you suspect he sees you as up and grateful for a casual shag. Or, God forbid, it's actually the kids he's interested in.

And if he doesn't know you have kids, then they tend to vanish in a puff of smoke in a nanosecond when you tell them.

It could all, probably will, totally go nowhere. There aren't really any bad vibes as such. Just doubts that seem to matter more exactly because I feel unusually drawn to him.

It's the little things about him. He doesn't invade my personal space, he stood up when I arrived on Sunday, he doesn't nose but he makes me talk and then listens and he remembers what I've said. He pays compliments like they're not compliments but obvious facts, like the comment about the coat. It's not so much that he's charming although I do think he is - it's that he makes me feel like I am with someone who was brought up like me.

Here's an example. He said on the phone that when a man buys a woman a gift, if it's clothing then it must be something she could try on in front of him. I've never thought of it that way but he's right - the ex-in-laws once bought me knickers and suspenders as a birthday present like it was a big joke. It creeped me out and I could never really say why. He has just explained why (I didn't tell him about that incident).

If he's an arse, I will be forced to conclude that some of these arses are getting really really convincing at hiding what they are.

God I do go on.

OP posts:
wannaBe · 16/10/2008 12:54

iirc amanda1 was a troll... well a writer using mn to gage opinions for her book. Once she had her happy ending her posts, blog, everything was deleted.

barnsleybelle · 16/10/2008 13:14

God, he sounds wonderful... Hope it works out. I agree one or the other on the revealing front..

I think chanel allure is gorge..

I defo think his text was about the fact that he can't wait for Friday..

I will be thinking about you when i'm curled up with my wine watching wire in the blood!!! Jealous, me.... no way!!!