Falling really badly for gorgeous total stranger??? *long, sorry *

[Portmeirion]

Namechanger

So the title says it all.

A few weeks ago I was in the park with DS, and there was this chap sitting on the grass with a model plane. DS watches him flying it completely fascinated, and the bloke saw this and then looked up and smiled at me, then he said to DS, Here, do you want a go? And he let DS fly this plane and fetch it back a few times.

After a bit he said he had to go, and stood up, and DS wanted to carry on playing with the plane, and he smiled at me again and said Sorry, is he going to hassle you to buy him one now? Then went off.

Pushed DS on the swings a bit, and then went for a coffee. It was busy and I'm looking around for somewhere to sit, and who do I see...yes, Model Plane Boy there already. DS saw him too and ran over, so I went over to get him back and MPB said we should sit there because he was going and we could have his table and sofa. He looked very pointedly at both my hands, checking for rings, then he asked if he could buy my coffee!!

Did I mention I really fancied him? He isn't my usual type at all, I like beefy rugby player types and he's thin and quite geeky looking but very good looking. Blond with big grey eyes but he has this lovely manner about him - stands up when I come in, listens without interrupting, and never takes his eyes off me. His name is Joel. I even like his name.

I had to get DS to nursery (he does afternoons) so had to go. J is out of work at the moment - he had meningitis and then got something else in hospital, so he lost a lot of weight and then while he was off work they laid him off. He doesn't care because he claimed on his insurance and had a lump sum, but he still gets tired easily. He sort of flops gratefully into chairs and then hardly moves, just lounges around looking chilled.

Anyway I couldn't see him because of work and stuff and also I don't want to see him with DS tagging along, getting attached to someone who might not be sticking around (anyone basically). But last week he rang me and we spent 3 HOURS on the phone! He has an older half-brother - his dad married his mum when she had a boy from a previous relationship so I guess he's not fazed by DS.

We got together yesterday (DS had a party) and had a lovely couple of hours - tea and chat outside on a sunny autumn day. He made a paper aeroplane for me to take home for DS which I thought was sweet. He says the most charming things in a very innocent way. He asked me if the coat I had on was expensive and when I said no he said Well you make it look expensive. He said he let DS play with the plane because then I'd have to talk to him...

He wants to take me out for dinner this Friday but I can't get a babysitter - I don't know many people round here except other mums from nursery who'd be in the same boat. Also I am thinking Wait a minute, he doesn't have a job, I don't know him, I don't know anyone who knows him and although I've got his phone number I don't even know where he lives. Why hasn't he got a GF? He says he broke up with someone last year. All I know is what he's told me.

Basically he is an almost total stranger but I can't stop thinking about him, I feel like we really connected on the phone and I really, really want to sleep with him (haven't had sex for ~2 years and I even told him that...)...I've been having very detailed dirty thoughts about him . But I don't know what to say about Friday, if I say no because of the babysitter, will he not bother again?

So am I being really rash? At times I think maybe that's what he does? Maybe he's a paedo who picks up single mums in parks? Or am I being paranoid?

And finally, if you are real then I'm sorry J turned out to be such a w*nker. Immature and selfish doesn't really cover it.

So are you going to make the next move then??

I still think you aren't real...
for the simple reason that you got everyone sooo excited about this potential date, then you come back with some pretty feeble excuses as to why you couldn't post until 2 days after the event.
If you ARE real then you are good at fantasising and reading far too much into the possibilities of this guy and you- you were even talking about how old you would be if he wanted to give you babies fgs! Now, after having met him, you don't even give us much info about the date except to say he doesn't tend to see single mums. It doesn't ring true I'm afraid.
You are certainly educated and literate- by your use of "nor" and your ability to use the apostrophe correctly- *week's laundry"- not many folks can do that!Which makes me query your explanation that you sell things in the afternoons (what things? why so secretive? In a shop? from home? ebay? )It's all so cloak and dagger still.

If you aren't real, then I suggest you won up- we don't know who you are anyway- and if you are real, then I think you need to get a grip on your fantasies, as the reality is far different from what you imagined before you met this guy.

PM - about J.

Double about the way this thread went.

Honest friend - yes. It seems there are two possibilities - either the OP has been stringing us along all the while or she really did meet this guy and create a whole epic about him and it all came crashing down.

Really, really odd if so. I feel really sorry for her if it did actually happen this way. Clearly not quite right

I agree with FA- a child who goes to pottery needs to be at least 2-3 years old, imho, and yet that same child needs to be placated with marshmallows whilst you have a coffee for 30 minutes?

If you ARE genuine, I am sorry personally for doubting you- BUT you have a slightly odd style of writing- by odd, I mean literate and perhaps not from the UK? I tend to pick up these things as i work with words myself!

You also seem to be treating MNs very casually by draining us dry before the date with your demands for advice, then you'd rather spend "hours on the phone" Saturday pm, than just reply to anyone's posts, asking how you are doing as they were concerned.

Odd. All very odd.

I'd say older than 3 for a 3.5 hour pottery 'class'

Sounds like something an adult would do rather than a child.

Oh God. It's not often that I think Mners en masse deserve the term that got tagged onto us some time ago "nest of vipers", but in this thread we (those in question!) do!

Just because a situation does not fit someone's prescribed criteria of what "is normal/usual" and what isn't, doesn't mean it is made up! Why not give people the benefit of your doubt, especially if the thread is not as trouble-making one, which this is not!

Its amazing how the tide can turn on people!

Portmeirion I'm sorry your date didn't live up to early expectations. I'm sure you will work out what to do about the possibility of seeing him again.

(That didn't cost me much stress or effort and I'm certainly not going to spend my day worrying over whether I am looking like a mug for putting a trusting reply. Don't understand MN sometimes. Maybe you DO have to be an established "name" to maintain a positive vibe.. surely that's not right? I never thought this before.. but evidence sometimes suggests it. And surely people can't really be baffled about why a name change might be used to post about a situation where someone wants to be completely anonymous! That is allowed you know. It's not trolling!)

I agree with Shiny.

Some of these posts have become quite unnecessary.

Portmerion, did you have a good time on the date? Even though it ended in a not so good way. If you did then surely thats better than not have gone atall.

I agree with shiny.

Flightattendent you in particular have gone out of your way to question and double question and doubt and double doubt everything the op has posted, and all the while you have followed up with an "apology" if op is genuine, but the apologies are worthless because with every post you make you are intent on proving this op to be a troll.

So what if she is. There are of course instances where it is relevant to "out" trolls, such as when they are posting about situations that are very emotive and where people make an emotional/financial investment in the poster, but this isn't one of them. It's a thread about a date fgs. No-one is being "done over" the woman went on a date. She didn't ask for money, she didn't say she was in danger or in fear of her life or afraid for her child, she went on a date.

If the thread upsets you that much then walk away from it. But really a date with a guy isn't that emotive a subject.

Maybe if the op was getting worked up to her date and it was all a bit flat she didn't want to come back and tell all.

Maybe she has a life beyond the internet. I certainly spend a lot more time on here during the week than at weekends, doesn't mean I'm a troll out to ceceive everyone though.

deceive even.

I'm just trying to establish the truth Wannabe. I'm sorry if that upsets anyone.

I do think it's important to know if someone is making stuff up and passing it off as real. But that's just me I suppose.

But FA you're never going to know that for certain are you?

This is the internet. I bet more than half the threads posted on here aren't real, or at best have been embellished to make them sound more interesting than they are. It's one of the beauties of the www - you can be anything/anyone you want to be.

And although I personally couldn't operate like that, as long as people aren't gaining a serious emotional, or financial investment from people, I don't really see the harm. In fact I think that the need to fabricate a situation is more indicative of the fact that the person in question likely feels this is the only way they can gain acceptance.

I agree that on threads where people get seriously involved, such as the one a while back where a woman claimed to have been beaten up by her partner and then went into premature labour suspicion should be voiced if there is any. But on a thread like this one there is nothing to be gained imo.

Portmerion - sorry that your big date didn't turn out as you had hoped. I followed your thread, and - old romantic as I am - thought that J sounded interesting, and that you were being sensibly cautious in approaching the date. First dates can be a huge let down, but probably only if you are a romantic and enjoy the build up/expectation . . . . Some of us are, others aren't!

FWIW, for the sceptics, my ds aged 5 would sit for hours at something like pottery, but can't sit for 30 seconds in a cafe, as he sees them as totally pointless!

Oh dear, Port, I?m sorry your date didn?t go too well - that?s crap when you?ve been looking forward to it. Was he just a bit of a tosser?
And I?m sorry you are getting such a hard time on this thread as well. The McCarthyite, Salem-esque tendencies that sometimes rear up on this forum, are really quite disconcerting.

Wannabe -

'I think that the need to fabricate a situation is more indicative of the fact that the person in question likely feels this is the only way they can gain acceptance.'

But does it gain them acceptance? I would hesitate to indulge a misconceived idea of 'what people want' in someone already extremely insecure.

I am sorry for her as I said, if this is what she is doing, but it doesn't mean it's right to make stuff up and say it's true.

I'm probably too personally involved, it did make me pretty angry to think someone was possibly doing this. And I accept that no actual 'harm' was done. But a lot of threads are like that - a troll is someone who makes stuff up for attention and this certainly falls into that category if it isn't real.

I do think that any significant degree of 'lying' or embellishing' does do harm. It makes us all more sceptical and is a bit like crying wolf. If someone genuine then comes along we are less likely to believe her because apparently 'more than half the threads posted on here aren't real'.

So that kind of fucks it up for the rest of us who aren't deliberately deluding ourselves/everyone else prepared to listen.

I never do it and I don't understand anyone who wants to post in that manner.

And no, we will never know. Which hacks me off even more.

but it depends what the situation is.

If someone posts that they're in a situation, running away from their husband and need a lot of support and mn'ers pile in to offer the support, material goods and money etc and they turn out to be a troll then people will be less likely to do so again in future.

But if someone posts that they met a guy in the park and went on a date and the date didn't turn out all that well then it's just a thread really isn't it? People look for the outcome but after a time it just disappears off the radar. Nothing signifficant is going to happen which is going to out this person as a troll. And people aren't going to be skeptacle of the next person who meets a guy and goes on a date because people meet guys and go on dates all the time, and there is no personal investment in that.

And actually, the cries of troll generally lead to a post getting far more attention than it would otherwise. Just look back over the weekend's posts, how many are about the op and how many are about the fact that people think she's a troll.

If people suspect a troll then surely the best course of action is to ignore.

Oh i wish it had gone better dont go OP i want to know what happens next.

Damn you FA spoilling it for everyone!

To be honest i couln't give a toss if she was a troll or not i was rather enjoying following the thread.

Even if it was a troll what harm was actually done.............. um none!

I think it does matter if people are either trolls or embellishers!

I, for one, ought to be getting on with more important stuff than trawling an internet help site- but when I do post, I do it in good faith, having given my answers some thought and care. Ok, I might get it wrong and accept that. However, I do it in good faith and assume the posters are genuine.

If people aren't genuine, it does matter a bit- I know no-one has died! - but it makes a bit of a mockery of those of us who rack our brains and try to give some help when it is asked for.

I think what surprises me about the OP is her sense of detachment that comes over in her posts- I read and write for a living, and can spot a difference in style a mile off. This poster seems detached- even when she has come back to say she is genuine, there is little emotion there and she tries to explain things in a very logical way, and doesn't seem that bothered that people think she could be a troll.

Thousands of apologies if you are genuine, Portm. but something just doesn't ring true for me.

Well as I said I apologise to those of you who didn't care and were enjoying it.

But I don't think it's warranted to have a shout at me, because surely if I'm wrong the OP would have continued with the story for you lot and just ignored me. I stated what I considered a possibility, I didn't demand she leave the site, I said I hoped she was genuine and could set us straight.

I pointed out what I perceived to be the odd things in her posts (oh and it wasn't just me, single handedly - a few of us thought it sounded odd) and I tried to do so without being rude and with a clause stating I didn't know anything more than anyone else, and that I was sorry if I was wrong.

I tried not to be accusatory or rude. I just didn't believe much of it.

Surely it's valid to state that? Surely OP could just ignore it if she wanted to? It's not like she had no support among those of you who did believe the whole thing.

I accept responsibility for all the posts I have made on here but not for whether the OP decided to come back or not. Please don't shoot the messenger. Fwiw I think the way she handled the 'witchhunt' was indicative of her not really giving a toss, and/or using it as a convenient way to leave the thread, which she seemed to be doing anyway.

And which I think I rpobably ought to do - Wannabe, I know I have got very worked up about this OP but it seems as though you have got very worked up about my posts in turn. She really bothers me, and I evidently really bother you.

First you thought I was hoping he was a jerk (oh, actually it turned out he was - but I didn't hope it. I suspected it)
Then you said my apologies were worthless.
That was a bit upsetting.

Anyway I'd better go as I can't really add anything more.

Honestfriend, thanks for defending the corner.

I agree about the sense of detachment.

I think I just have a deep seated prejudice and hatred toward 'chick lit' as it is known and the idea of someone promoting it in whatever manner on here offends me in a big way - I shall now go and have a lovely bonfire of all the horrible romantic novels that have arrived with magazines over the last 15 years and still sit in my bookcase.

That should be cathartic.

Good idea FA you do look to be getting over worked up over it. It really isn't the be all and end of all. Just a thread about a date. Surely there are more wothwile things in life to put your energies into!