it happens so often on here, but I opened his mobile bill by accident and guess what?

[AreYouCallingMeDarling]

yep

up to 30 texts a day to number that I find out is another woman

Just friendship says he

hahahahaha

I am a regular btw. Just don't want my mum reading this and knowing it is me. Or anyone else I know

I feel so feckin stupid

It is the middle of the night and I probably won't get any answers. But that is fine

Oh fuck have just caught up

You are coping so well i am in awe. I did not handle it so well.

It does sound like he is saying the right things, i am still suspicious though.

I find it hard to comprehend that someone would carry on such a long term, thought out affair and all of sudden just because he has been found out, has called it a day and decided he loves you and wants to make it work.

Have you asked him what his intentions were for the future? Have you asked her what he said to her about the future?

Sorry that is not very supportive, you are keeping your options open and doing the right thing.

But if they have to work together someone must know - yes it may well 'hurt' his career but so what he didnt have to do it in the first place.

I hate the general acceptance that these things happen and are so common so it is not a real issue.

If your h is prepared to do whatever it takes then a blip in his career is a small price to pay imo - and if he is good at his job this will not effect it too much anyway.

But it does seem a little unfair that the op sits with the responsibility for both the family life and his career on her shoulders now, just because he wasnt thinking straight.

That is so unfair Quint you are right.

She has the weight of the world on her shoulders and will be thinking if she leaves will his career suffer, will the children be ok? Will they blame her for leaving as they are young and will not understand.

It is shit. He is a fuckwit.

The new phone is just a gesture but at least he will be showing willing he is prepared to try and make amends.

Of course if he still WANTS to cheat he will and if he wants his marriage to fail it will.

Both need to show commitment - but for now he needs to do everything in his power to show you he means what he says.

By all means rant and rave and say all sorts on here - it really does help.

I am still not sure what the correct approach is in RL. The main thing is the op should not feel any shame in this at all - and maybe she will not handle it right - but who really knows what is the right way? But he should support YOU in whatever you want for now.

Message withdrawn

Buda Thanks for the message - I thought it would be a long shot

AYCMD Hope you are feeling ok today. I know how you feel will be changing from hour to hour but remember it isn't your fault. He made the decisions and he must deal with the fallout

The phone thing would just be a gesture. I never asked my h to change phone number mainly because I didn't see the point. He knows her number off by heart (it isn't in the phone memory) and I am sure she would get his new number as they work in same company.

It actually needs to be a decision to stop all contact. If they dont want to then it wont happen.

Darling, dont ever think of your self as weak. It takes alot more guts to stay in the relationship and make it work.

I love your swan persona, i also was scarily calm and reasonable and it un nerved him more i think as im normally a very reacive person.

Well, Darling....TBH I would have resorted to violence waaaay before your Boyf comment[smeil]

Hell hath no fury and all that....

At work so being brief:-

Had a great kickass (work) meeting earlier today. I feel more sure of myself in other parts of my life, more confrontational and better able to deal with work and stuff. Strange really. And able to laugh with work colleagues, and OK most of the time as long as I am busy.

I did think about the phones issue. But he could just buy a 15 quid phone from Tesco, leave it at work, and I would be none the wiser. So this has to be done on a trust basis.

I've been lurking but just wanted to add my support, so sorry this is happening to you and your family.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.

Same as you Darling, I feel more confident in other areas of my life, as though there is a new me emerging. Maybe it is because, before this happened I thought I wouldn't be able to deal with something like this, but it has, and I have. I feel like I am saying to the world in general, "well, come on then, what else are you going to throw at me? Because I can handle it"

Well done

Another lurker here - just wanted to add my support too. You are being really strong. There's lots of good advice being given here - never been in this kind of situation (luckily). Def keep this about you and making sure you and your kids are ok about whatever decision YOU make.

Good luck with everything and fingers crossed that the clinic comes back clear. Thinking of you.

I'd be careful about the kick-ass work meetings if i were you Areyoucallingmedarling because you may not think that the stress of this is negatively affecting your behaviour with others but it could be and presumably people in RL don't know what you are privately going through so won't be able to make allowances.

AYCMD - hope it goes OK at the clinic, not sure about the anal perhaps tell them everything and they'll advise you. Not fun. Not for your H either I think they shove something akin to a crochet hook up his cock that will make him think twice about doing anything like this again!!

You have a lot of courage. But remember to take care of you too, you have a lot to cope with and think about. ((hugs))

I'm sorry. I can imagine how you feel. My X was an utter w@nker and I forgave him time over.

What really hurt is that he would tell me that it was just a kiss and then YEARS later admit to more, how to mess with my mind.

I left him in the end (it took a long time) and we didnt have children but its affected me now with my now DH.

Strangely, I believe that he is sorry. People just think for themselves whilst this sort of thing goes on, they justify it on the grounds of being nothing or making things "better" in your own relationship, utter tosh. When it comes out they suddenly realise how much they have hurt you and sometimes how much they love you (in my experience)

Decide if you want him. And if divorce is possible. What else can you do?

I'm so very sorry you are going through this.

Re the clinic, they will ask if you've had anal, and will do a swab - bit like an ear bud - sorry if tmi. Best to tell them everything as if (and fingers crossed you don't) you do have anything, it could be in one area and not they other iyswim.

He almost certainly had sex with her. So work on that assumption. I'd say.

nkf he has admitted that already

feckin tosspot - it just got worse

oh no
what could be worse?

he fucked her again on monday

when he was telling her that they were over

because he thought that he had already lost me

tosswipe

fuckwit

he is a pile of crusty old wank