it happens so often on here, but I opened his mobile bill by accident and guess what?

[AreYouCallingMeDarling]

yep

up to 30 texts a day to number that I find out is another woman

Just friendship says he

hahahahaha

I am a regular btw. Just don't want my mum reading this and knowing it is me. Or anyone else I know

I feel so feckin stupid

It is the middle of the night and I probably won't get any answers. But that is fine

Keep paddling

Agree with stirling, he is saying the right things, mine didn't either and think he still doesn't fully comprehend how completely he destroyed me.

You are in shock, it all seems so unreal at first, like this can't be happening to me, i have a normal safe life. I got REALLY angry about 2 weeks after finding out and completely lost it.

My h made me feel i was over reacting to it all, i wasn't, don't let yours do the same. You may be a swan atm but don't feel like you can't express your emotions because you're scared of driving him away.

Oh no - he knows what he has done

I sent him a text to say stop feeling sorry for yoursel

his reply

I can't help hating myself for causing this whole situation. Yes I feel sorry for myself. I also feel angry sad and about a dozen different emotions, i'm having difficulty dealing with because I ma not usually like this. You say it is like you've been kicked in the stomach but it breaks my heart to see what I have done to you. I've changed you and i'm terrified I'll never get you back

Message withdrawn

Good that he is suffering too!

Hope you get some sleep tonight, is he there still?

I rang other woman

She sounded like a completely airless head

but then - I have just taken her "boyfriend" AWAY

tough

well well

we will see if he shapes up, or of he gets shipped out

I explained to her (OW) that I am keeping him for a bit, but if he ever comes near her again just give me a bell and I will have him giftwrapped and he is all hers.

she didn't understand

poor love

AYCMD When I split with my ex, he sent me heart wrenching notes, that I agonised over. It took a good friend to point out they were all about him and his feelings and how his behaviour affected him and what he wanted etc.
I see similar in your DH's text to you. Please look out for this, as you can be sucked into it all being about him.

Must be a trend - I have trouble getting my h to discuss what has happened but when I do it is all about how he feels and how much guilt he has etc (really stopped caring now!)

Well done for speaking to ow - I have tried but she wont speak to me - obvioulsy feels she is above talking to me (slapper).

Message withdrawn

AYCMD You have had some really good advise on this thread, I think you are being as objective and level headed as you can hope to be and doing it wonderfully.

I wish you all the luck in the world and hope that everything turns out well for youe and your DC's. How are they with all this?.... sorry am being nosey, I just hope that they are not too affected with all the trouble. XXX

Cod, i think your earlier point about if it feels wrong then it probably is wrong, was bang on, you really must trust your instincts, if you think he is lying, it is probably because he is, nobody will know him better than you, it is just that sometimes you want to believe them and you want things to be as they were and so you wil pretend that any signs of lying are just not there. If you decide that a complete sort out, no holds barred and no secrets is what is required then so be it, if you two come out of it together at the end of it then you know you were meant to be and you will come out the other side as you were before...equals.

I do hope that everything works out for all of you as a family, blips in relationships happen for any number of reasons, but if you are strong as a family you will all get through it, and if after all of this, it doesnt work out, then you cant say you didnt try your best.

good luck and be srtong, we will all be here to listen and keep you going

I certainly dont think you are weak for holding onto him - and fwiw i suspect you are just holding on UNTIL you make the final decision as to what YOU want now.

We are 2 years on and it is still hard at times.

Try not to let his guilt be any of your problem and try and get him to see someone to deal with it - my h still carries a lot of guilt (which sometimes i like to see) but it is also destructive at times.

However it does sound as if he is at least saying the right things for now - but again please dont take anything he says at face value he will be saying things to save himself first and foremost.

You sound so strong - hold onto that he will admire you for it.

Did she really call him her boyfriend??

I think I would have resorted to violence at that comment.....

This other woman will have been winding AYCMD up.....I really wouldnt rise to the boyfriend thing, let her think anything she wants, dont forget, she will try and be as hurtful as she can, tbh I wouldnt really bother talking to her any more as you will analyse everything she says, put everything you think of her down on paper so you dont think about it anymore, and concentrate on what is good for you and your family

Sorry - she didn't say the boyfriend thing - that was my word, my take on it.

She sent him a text after I called. He forwarded it to me as part of our complete honesty deal.

i know a friends husband's career has been pretty much fucked up since it came out he had an affair (army) his promotional posting was taken of him and there is not much hope of him getting another anytime soon.

my friend and there 4 children have suffered as he has taken a drop in wages, there situation was diffrent as the other woman was not forces but my friend now says how much she regrets getting the families office involved.

i have no idea what you must be going through just now but please try and not make any desisions while it is all so raw.

why is she texting him? what did it say??

you are doing so well with this. i could not cope i don't think.

please be careful you are not going too easy on him because of the shock and because you want everything to get better.

you could do worse than some sort of sharp shock at this point so he really knows what he has to lose.

I have never been in this siutation (thankfully) so I'm not really qualified to offer you any advice, but I can offer emotional support - which it's impossible not to want to do having read your thread.

Only suggestion I can make is that your DH gets another SIM card for his phone, therefore a new number, so that OW can't text him. (And make sure that you, personally, destroy the present one)

for you and on your behalf. I hope that you manage to work through this and get the outcome that you both want and deserve.

I am so sorry too. Why oh why do these men do this to the women they purport to love and the mother of their children. And also to their children.

You have had lots of advice on here. Lots of us here for support too any time you want us.

Keep swanning!

I sometimes thank God I have a DH who is totally uninterested in sex. And yes ladies - that may well come back to bite me on the bum one day! But he has been warned that if I ever find out he is messing around I will shop off his dick and he will never be able to do a Bobbit as I will put it through the mincer. I will take him for every penny and then some. And I will assume that by messing around he is declaring the Hague Convention null and void in our relationship and I will take DS and move to Dublin.

Whirling - DH hasn't come across your DH. Doesn't know company. Nor new one.

I've been lurking on this thread as I've had no other advice to offer that could add to that already given.

I'm so sorry for all that you are going through. I could not deal with the same situation in the calm way that you are. I'd be a screaming fish-wife!

Only thing I wondered was whether you could get him to swap mobile phones with you. It would save you from having to buy a new one. Or can numbers be blocked on a mobile?

Good luck

Darling, I am glad to see you are handling this so well. You are strong. Dont ever stop believeing it.

I would not warn him about his new simcard. I would have it ready for him, and just pop it in his phone and say "there you go, new sim, new number, new life". You dont want him to prepare by writing her number down on a piece of paper prior to ceremoniously handing over his old sim.
Could you withdraw his "mobile phone privilege" for a while?

Please dont call the OW again. She seems like an airhead, not worth your time. But at least, now you KNOW she is an airhead, and nothing like you at all.

This is probably going to sound utterly studpid, but looking back, he has relied so much on you, your strength, your way of handling things, being away from you must really have thrown him. Would you ever consider moving into quarters with him, or near his next posting so he can come home rather than staying in the mess.

I have a friend (yes another one of those) who used to go and stay in some mess somewhere, due to her line of work. She wasnt exactly army, but worked closely with them on projects, and she had the attitude "No need to plan going home, there will always be a bed for me with some bloke at the mess." I am very non-judgemental.

Diorrific, I didnt really use to be a spangled evening, it is code.

You may also want to talk to SSAFA as they can help family members of service personnel with practical and personal issues.

I hope you can work this out if you decide to remain with your husband. Would you both consider relationship counselling; the underlying reasons for the affair need to be talked through.

Do not report him to his CO unless you fully intend to leave him. What use is it to jeopardise his career if you end up staying together?