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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

it happens so often on here, but I opened his mobile bill by accident and guess what?

572 replies

AreYouCallingMeDarling · 07/10/2008 03:24

yep

up to 30 texts a day to number that I find out is another woman

Just friendship says he

hahahahaha

I am a regular btw. Just don't want my mum reading this and knowing it is me. Or anyone else I know

I feel so feckin stupid

It is the middle of the night and I probably won't get any answers. But that is fine

OP posts:
Original poster
AreYouCallingMeDarling · 08/10/2008 22:38

I have called myself stupid several times

Thing is I do love him. He is one of the best things that ever happened to me. He fucked it up.

OP posts:
QuintessenceOfFrankenShadow · 08/10/2008 22:38

Darling, are you who I think you are?

Mammina · 08/10/2008 22:39

oh my god you poor thing, it makes me feel sick just thinking about it. i am so impressed by how you seem to be handling it all (although maybe you are still in shock), sorry you're having to go through this.
Above all else I am just shocked that he was willing to risk the happiness of his children by doing this.

WeirdCod · 08/10/2008 22:40

Message withdrawn

Original poster
AreYouCallingMeDarling · 08/10/2008 22:42

I have told him that we are both going to the clinic. He has agreed

He does not blame her, admits that it is all his fault.

He has no access to his online phone bills now- only me

he is in some ways lap dog, and claims that is a price he is willing to pay

OP posts:
FabioHasTenLivesIsLapin · 08/10/2008 22:42

anyfucker, I think sadly it's all too true

Can you move? If you decide to stay together, you MUST move. 3 more year commuting will destroy you.

Although after your last post, I don't know how you can bear to stay with him. There is no telling what he may have exposed you to.

He sickens me, you deserve so much better than this.

Original poster
AreYouCallingMeDarling · 08/10/2008 22:45

QS - if you used to be a song about a spangled eventime then you probably know me

OP posts:
Original poster
AreYouCallingMeDarling · 08/10/2008 22:46

I do

He knows that and has said that too

OP posts:
madrose · 08/10/2008 22:48

Just nothing to advise - other than what has already been said, but wanted to say - I'm really sorry for what has happened and the pain that you must be in.

Original poster
AreYouCallingMeDarling · 08/10/2008 22:49

anyfucker

are you calling me a troll?

I am not

I actually found the advice on here really useful

And Cod used to be edgarcat and there was a red rug and UCM was shit

Am I real now?

OP posts:
QuintessenceOfFrankenShadow · 08/10/2008 22:51

I thought so. You are among the few that still remembers, and uses it.

So sad this has happened for you. But I can see why you are considering going through this rather than dumping from great height, you have been through so much. You are a very strong couple. Or were, depending on how this pans out. Go to the clinic with him. Get this sorted, and can you move south?

QuintessenceOfFrankenShadow · 08/10/2008 22:51

She is real. She has been here ages, anyfucker.

noddyholder · 08/10/2008 22:52

I think the checking phones and having the uppe hand seems so tiring and never ending.It is vey hard to believe that someone who has done this has not done so before.Only you can decide if you can trust someone like that.I lived with one and he crumbled when caught and said all the right things It later transpired that she was one of many look after yourself it is a hard situation but you have support here which is great

anyfucker · 08/10/2008 23:00

If I am wrong darling, my humblest apologies.

I have no idea if you are "real".

I guess there is no pre-set way to react to news like this.

Perhaps I am the only one whose alarm bells rang at your swift decision to hang onto a man who did what he did (not going to list all his misdemeanors, they are clear on this thread). Most women would take a while to get to that point (if they were able to at all). Your thread indicates a timeline of approx 48 hrs. Am I wrong in this?

Perhaps there is only me stupid (or brave) enough to hold a hand up and say "hang on a minute..."

OK. Mouth zipped.

< goes away to contemplate a brand new and shiny MN name >

anyfucker · 08/10/2008 23:03

stupidfucker?

how does that sound ?

Original poster
AreYouCallingMeDarling · 08/10/2008 23:03

I will be checking his phone for a while

I wasn't before

He has to take that as part of the deal of staying with me - and he claims that he can't live without me

and his bank account

and everything else

if he wants to stay then that has to be the case

He claims that this has completely scared the shit out of his complacent life

OP posts:
Original poster
AreYouCallingMeDarling · 08/10/2008 23:08

anyfucker - lovely

I have decided to hold on to him for now

we will see how it goes

the advice on here really really helped

it allowed me to handle him

he knows it is just for now

he has to prove himself to me

sorry if you think I am weak

OP posts:
ladytophamhatt · 08/10/2008 23:08

I hope it works out how you want it to Darling.

I'd find it really hard to believe he was giving you all the info on phones/bank/all teh other stuff.

I'd drive myself insane wondering if he;s set up a secret account etc.

You are a brave woamn to concider taking all that angst on.

ladytophamhatt · 08/10/2008 23:09

I hope it works out how you want it to Darling.

I'd find it really hard to believe he was giving you all the info on phones/bank/all teh other stuff.

I'd drive myself insane wondering if he;s set up a secret account etc.

You are a brave woamn to concider taking all that angst on.

ladytophamhatt · 08/10/2008 23:09

I hope it works out how you want it to Darling.

I'd find it really hard to believe he was giving you all the info on phones/bank/all teh other stuff.

I'd drive myself insane wondering if he;s set up a secret account etc.

You are a brave woamn to concider taking all that angst on.

Original poster
AreYouCallingMeDarling · 08/10/2008 23:10

almost as many posts as you have edible boys

OP posts:
ladytophamhatt · 08/10/2008 23:12

LOL

I didn't want you to miss it

ambercat · 08/10/2008 23:15

God everything that has happened to you, happened to me- no condoms, forces,living apart etc . In my case i found out that ow was not the first and he had been unfaithful, lots of one night stands and one other relationship, for our entire marriage.

Please consider this before you take him back. x.

They really are thoughtless selfish fucking idiots.

WhirlingStirling · 08/10/2008 23:26

Like Ambercat your story is so like mine. H was working away most weeks and the ow had moved into his company flat. That situation was probably going on for 3 or 4 months and I know they were sleeping together a while before that. And having unprotected sex in am eastern european city .

It is so very hard to deal with. I imagine you are calm because you are still in shock. I know I was.

On a positive note, your h is saying all the right things. My h has never said the things your h is saying. He obviously does want to be with you. The question is, can you now live with what he has done?

And how will you ever know if it has happened before?

I so hope you have the strength to deal with this. You sound very strong and level headed.

Original poster
AreYouCallingMeDarling · 08/10/2008 23:28

I am strong and level headed, but only cos I listened to you lot and because I am a swan

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