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Original poster

Do all men cheat even the good ones?

163 replies

London7 · 27/09/2008 09:09

I am horrified to find out that some of our male friends, who I have always looked up to have cheated on their partners. They have admitted it to me and told me that even my husband must be doing it because it is normal for a guy to do that!. Am I being naive or are they right?

OP posts:
ScottishMummy · 29/09/2008 21:38

not all men cheat,not all women cheat.gross generalisation and stereotypical to say infidelity is the norm

Janos · 29/09/2008 21:45

Hmmm....no, I don't think all men cheat.

Some do of course, but not all.

But, I would also say that no-one is immune to the temptation.

ScottishMummy · 29/09/2008 21:50

well aye just because i have a stereo disnae mean i cannae look in curry's window

i dinnae touch though

Janos · 29/09/2008 21:57

Well put ScottishMummy .

zippitippitoes · 29/09/2008 22:06

i wasd with exh for 23 years i dont think he cheated but i believe he could have done so nopt a he would never have done thing

i cant work out why i believe my bf just wouldnt cheat on me

it is personalitry

but hard to describe so i can understand what people mean when they say a partner just wouldnt

but i can also see that if you dont know someone who just wouldnt you would be

Pan · 29/09/2008 22:06

Nope.

and nicely put too SM.

ladylush · 30/09/2008 18:31

I think this notion of "good" is a red herring. You could be with a "good" man who cheats and a "bad" man who doesn't. Men are human and fuck up. Ditto women.

2rebecca · 01/10/2008 08:53

I agree. I would rather my husband had a brief affair than that he regularly belittled and ignored me, drank large amounts, spent more than we could afford, became emotionally distant. I find it odd that so many women regard any hint of sexual infidelity as totally awful in a relationship, but will put up with other problems in a relationship.
To me an affair is just one of many ways in which a relationship can have problems.
Good men can have affairs, bad ones can make you miserable in other ways.

Andycraydoll · 31/07/2018 19:06

This reply has been deleted

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locochat · 31/07/2018 19:18

^ Spam spam spam spam spam spam

dragonflyflew · 31/07/2018 19:20

Hahahaha! Great thread resurrection andycraydoll.
I too turned to the Infidelity Private Investigators of Perth who Completely Changed My Life.
I no longer drink or cheat at cards and nowadays my only bedfellow is my Clear Conscience.
Praise be to the Infidelity Private Investigators of Perth.

Fireandflames666 · 31/07/2018 20:04

I believe that most men do. I have male friends that swore blind they wouldn't cheat but did it anyway. My ex said he found it despicable, then he cheated too.

Orange6904 · 31/07/2018 21:03

5 months ago I would have said 100% I had a good one that would never cheat. I would have trusted that man with my life. Then found out he was cheating on me with a teenager through recovery from surgery for months on end. Not sure how I'll trust anyone after that.

Horsesforcourses23 · 31/07/2018 21:21

I'm starting to think it's much more common than I believed it to be. I think people didn't used to get caught as often and/or less people found out about it. However I'd also like to say it's not just men, the amount of women I know who have cheated is shocking.

To be honest, think infidelity has probably always gone on we just hear about it more now.

NalderAndCollier · 31/07/2018 21:28

Perth Scotland or Perth WA (not that I'm in either)?

Tryingagain1 · 31/07/2018 22:47

Well I reckon maybe half do but that's a guess! Based on work colleagues who regularly cheated when working away from home Hmm plus since doing online dating I've come across loads of married men who want affairs/sex and usually pretend they aren't married/are separated/divorced etc

Andycraydoll · 01/08/2018 00:22

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Vampyress · 01/08/2018 02:14

I think anybody in the right/wrong situation at the right/wrong time is capable of cheating. My husband was the other man for a few years and it destroyed him and I am fairly certain it would take extreme circumstances for him to stray. Yet at the same time I would have said the same about me however I had a drunken kiss with a colleague after my brother comitted suicide and I was struck my own mortality and a fear the grass was greener. I admitted it to my husband and after an honest conversation he forgave me almost immediately (took me much longer to forgive myself as I was extremely ashamed that such stupid reasons nearly cost me the most precious people in my life). The experience taught me a great deal about the kind of person I don't want to be and whilst I have no pride in the fact it happened, I did learn a life lesson.

Mousefunky · 01/08/2018 10:10

I’ve only ever been cheated on once and that was by an absolutely horrible abusive psychopath so it was par of the course.

I was with my xH for six years and neither of us strayed, never would’ve done. Been with DP for almost three years and again, neither of us have cheated. I know many people who have cheated but I know of many healthy monogamous relationships too so no, not every man cheats.

mogratpineapple · 01/08/2018 10:10

My husband is in a band and the other men in the band cheat. He says he doesn't like it because he may be tarred with the same brush.

Or at least, that's what he tells me!

mogratpineapple · 01/08/2018 10:12

We are all 'capable' of it - depends what we choose to do about it.

Depending on what study you read, about 40% - 60% of married people cheat.

janaus · 01/08/2018 11:12

“It’s what men do”. As I got told. Bullshit, I just got one of the bad ones

Mytwistedimagination · 01/08/2018 11:44

Resurrected thread, but...
Thought mine was one of the good ones. Turned out, of course, that he'd cheated. With planning and deliberation. So maybe not all men cheat, but the ones you think are good may not be.

Horsesforcourses23 · 01/08/2018 12:14

You know its really weird. I have been reading this post and a few months ago I was dealing with my friend whose husband has cheated on her before and had subsequently done it again. Anyway I was having a google about just reading why people do it, why do we take them back or leave and things, and there's all sorts of facts. Not sure how much of it is true mind (if any of it) but it makes for an interesting read. One website thinks, if you have cheated before you are 350% more likely to do it again!!

I know that's a bit random to throw up on here... but if it is true, its a slightly depressing thought

SarahJop22 · 01/08/2018 12:19

Personally I think that trusting anyone 100% is a dangerous game. It can make you complacent.

I know that complacency had kicked in for me, my partner and I had grown apart after 20 years and we had neglected each other's needs for a long time. A colleague of mine started paying me a lot of attention and I was flattered and started thinking about him more than I should. I ended up (like Vampyress) kissing him on a drunken work night out. I felt terrible and confessed to my partner.

It was the wake up call we both needed and I left my job. My partner and I are back on track and better than we had been in years.

It scared the life out of me how easy these things happen. I have a less 'romanticsed' view of relationships now and realise that we are all fallible. LTRs can be hard work and not putting the effort in can be catastrophic.

It's not just about trust. It's about reconsigning each other as individuals with human needs. Knowing that there are other people out there who can fulfill those needs for your partner should be enough to make you want to keep the relationship alive, not just two people serving a life sentence because they took marriage vows and therefore monogamy is expected.

I know that happy people cheat too and I'm not saying that it's anyone's fault if they're cheated on. Some cheats just want 'a bit on the side' or are incapable of staying faithful because they are duplicitous and selfish. Others do it because they aren't happy and need the love/attention and spark that they have lost in their relationship.

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