Tbh I think you can never say never. And I think we should never say never. Not because we/all our husbands are going to cheat on us and we on them, but because it's often the complacency that he never will that causes people to work less hard at their relationships which in turn often causes partners to cheat.
We must believe that our partners will never cheat, because you cannot build a relationship on suspicion and mistrust.
More often than not affairs happen because there is something missing in the relationship, and I think that sometimes it?s not just the one having the affair that is at fault, but is always the one that carries the full blame.
Of course this isn?t always the case, and there are some selfish people out there who cheat on their partners simply because they can, but I genuinely believe that often affairs are a symptom of the problems rather than the cause iyswim.
And while it?s easy to say from the sidelines that if the marriage is unhappy people should just leave, if it were that simple, people would. But it isn?t that simple. It isn?t that easy to leave a marriage and be on your own, even if the marriage is an unhappy one it still provides a sense of security that it?s hard to walk away from.
I also think that it?s important to separate the act from the perpetrator. The act of having an affair is selfish, I don?t think anyone would dispute that. But does it automatically follow that someone who has an affair is a bad person? I don?t really think so.
For example, imagine a woman in a sexless marriage. She loves her husband, but he has no sex drive, and shows her no affection. But she loves him, and he is a good husband in all but the physical aspect of their relationship. As time goes on, she begins to feel unloved by him, and every time he rejects her advances she feels less and less attractive. And then she gets noticed by someone in the office. Someone who seems to be attracted to her, who pays her the complements her husband hasn?t for years. She loves her husband, but she needs to feel loved, and because this other man makes her feel special in a way her husband doesn?t, she does the unthinkable and gives in to her desire to be with someone. (this could equally apply to a man). Now, the act of having the affair is wrong. The act of having sex with someone when she has a husband is wrong. But the affair was born out of a desparate need to feel wanted, and the belief that although her husband is there for her on a practical level, he no longer has that desire to be there for her on a physical level. Does that make her a bad person? A slag?