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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How would you feel if your DP shared a hotel room (twin beds) with a female friend?

174 replies

ChiefFairyCakeMaker · 24/09/2008 19:53

That's it really - DH and I disagree over this, maybe I'm overreacting but I just think it's inappropriate. I'd be interested to know what others think

OP posts:
cutekids · 25/09/2008 01:21

NO,NO,NO!!!
Sorry...it's hard enough having a partner/husband/wife/etc.staying away...I should be used to it cos i've lived/been married to a man who's been working away for the whole of our relationship (20 years!) but I still can't bring myself to trust him 100%.How the hell could you trust 'em if they're sharing the same room?....NO,I'm sorry for being so opinionated,but there's absolutely no need for 'em to be sharing...no need at all....unless....i'm sorry but I just don't get it!!!sorry.Don't want to be horrible,but I just don't get it!

Saturn74 · 25/09/2008 01:41

I jolly well think not.

Unless they do that 'Happy Days' thing where each person sleeps with one foot flat on the floor.
And there is a webcam.
And a searchlight.
And doberman pinscher guard dogs.
And an electric fence.

I would trust my DH, but some of those womenly types can be wily.

wehaveallbeenthere · 25/09/2008 01:41

ChiefFairyCakeMaker, This is a fairly new friend of both of yours? Why would he want to share a room with a "fairly new friend" and for that matter she with him?
If it were a convention type set up and there were other males in the room too, then I could see it as innocent. Just the two? I think she should come up with the room on her own. Is this the companies policy? Are they police partners on a stakeout? I can see and understand that.
If it is something other then I would pay a bellhop or someone to make sure your interests are met in this.

Original poster
ChiefFairyCakeMaker · 25/09/2008 08:03

Thanks for your comments guys - HumphreyCushion

wehaveallbeenthere - "police partners on a stakeout" - I've been wondering how I could get to share a room with a bloke, now I know - I'm in the wrong job

No it's a social event, they were choosing to share a room, nobody asked them to.

Now she's insulted because I asked him to book seperate rooms.

OP posts:
BitOfFun · 25/09/2008 08:19

Un-bleedin-believable!! Well, there's your answer - NOT A GOOD IDEA. I do not understand why a woman not married to YOUR husband would consider it necessary or appropriate to share a room unless she was A. From Planet Freelove,
B. Insane, or
C. After him

Wtf????

kama · 25/09/2008 08:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

expatinscotland · 25/09/2008 09:40

'No it's a social event, they were choosing to share a room, nobody asked them to.

Now she's insulted because I asked him to book seperate rooms.'

She would not be my friend anymore then.

And to be quite frank, if your husband is respectful, he'd cut short this friendship with her, too.

Because anyone with a modicum of scruples can see that this is an inappropriate set up and wouldn't have even suggested it, much less get insulted when someone brings up that it's not on.

Who wants to be friends with a huffy, stroppy mare like this, anyhow?

Saturn74 · 25/09/2008 09:47

Ha!
She's upset that you're upset because she wants to share a bedroom with your husband?

Single white female alert!

FlirtyThirty · 25/09/2008 10:01

My DH would think this was completel;y acceeptable on the basis that he wouldn't cheat.
I however, would have massive isues with it and probably create a scene

Completely understand your concerns! Tell him it upsets you...

WeeBesom · 25/09/2008 10:14

FFS! She is upset because you don't want them to share? Unless she is broke and really was bothered about the money then I would get him to steer well clear of her.

I am an insanely jealous person though

ConstanceWearing · 25/09/2008 10:24

My XH would have said it was platonic.

I would have believed him to my dying breath.

He would have shagged her.

Worst idea in the history of shit ideas, if you ask me.

PortAndLemon · 25/09/2008 10:44

Regardless of what either of them would or would not do, two work colleagues of opposite sexes sharing a hotel room at a work function is a recipe for unconstrained workplace gossip. That alone makes it a stonkingly bad idea.

ghosty · 25/09/2008 11:03

Blimey. DH and I have always been very proud of the fact that we are not jealous people and we have friends of the opposite sex etc etc ...
But if DH suggested this I would say a big fat NO!!! and Ask him how on earth he could even think it would be ok and point out to him that it is beyond weird to even suggest it.
And then, when he told me that she was insulted I would probably tell him that I didn't actually give a flying fuck about her feelings on the matter and if he had any thoughts about staying married to me he had better drop the subject. NOW.

LadyGlencoraPalliser · 25/09/2008 11:06

I have several platonic male friends who have been close friends for many years. I would happily share a hotel room with them if it were necessary and my DH could be 100% sure that nothing would go on. But I certainly would not choose to share a room with them if we could have seperate rooms and I think this woman is behaving quite strangely in wanting to share a room with your DH. She will jump on him in the middle of the night for sure and certain.
Tell him to get his own room and make sure to lock the room from the inside. Also put out the do not disturb sign when he goes to bed and write her name on it so she knows it means her.

Original poster
ChiefFairyCakeMaker · 25/09/2008 13:07

Just checking in - I'm on my lunch break at work - and this morning's comments (especially LGP and CW) have had me choking on my drink trying to suppress laughter

The Whiskasometer is standing at 9 out of 10 cats mumsnetters say they would prefer single rooms, so that's a victory! (thanks everyone)

Now the question is do I show him this thread so that he knows it's not just me that thinks this way....

OP posts:
hanaflower · 25/09/2008 13:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

expatinscotland · 25/09/2008 13:09

I'd show it to him, not the least because his foisting all the blame on you was on the twat size.

hanaflower · 25/09/2008 13:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cheerfulvicky · 25/09/2008 13:12

Yeah, I'd show him this thread. Another one here who things no way would it be acceptable. I mean, why?? Just, why? It's stepping over a kind of invisible line in my opinion...

expatinscotland · 25/09/2008 13:13

a planned thing and a social event.

yeah, i'd show him the thread.

coppertop · 25/09/2008 13:23

I'd show him the thread.

If you're reading this, Mr CFCM, would you not think it a little odd if another (married) man got upset because they couldn't share a hotel room with your wife?

zippitippitoes · 25/09/2008 13:30

i think it is an od idea to say the least

for 20 quid is mad

so do they not mind seeing each other with no clothes on and snoring etc

because faffing around covering up when getting up going to bed and getting ready to go outwould be irritating in the extreme

and the gossip would be awful

and what about just all the normal room share annoyance like waiting for the bathroom, using the loo..barf at being intimate over that with some bloke from work

i just dont understand the motivation

and i would have thought the company would think too

cheesesarnie · 25/09/2008 13:35

id be angry at him for asking.no no no.and if i wanted to do same with male friend(which btw id not suggest to dh)itd be a no

Dropdeadfred · 25/09/2008 13:36

Give us his email adress and we will all stalk him share our opinion

You do seem remarkably calm about this...? Does it not bother you?

zippitippitoes · 25/09/2008 13:38

i would also be thinking is it some sort of double bluff

or is he on an ego trip being flattered to have been asked

or even worse both

he would have to be very insensitive to think you would say oh great thats a good idea

are you going to buy me something with the huge amount you are saving