FAB & GLAM PART 8 - Onwards and Upwards!

[ginnny]

8000 posts - how do we find so much to talk about

Thing is Baffy you have been there with the promises before havent you - he just isnt strong enough to resist once she starts throwing her knickers off (and you know she will)

I do think for you and anothermum if these men cannot be what you need them to be to be - loving, faithful, consistent and reliable then they should back off and allow you the time to get over them and the freedom to find someone who will be everything you want.

Hi everyone else - sticking to my minimal MN time now so off to do some work...feel GREAT for spending my time more productively, am about to have a big clearout for charity shop and ebay (the children pointed out that I hadnt yet sold things I stashed ages ago to ebay)

Keep up with ya on FB

Message withdrawn

Just to let you all know that i am feeling so much better this week - and being the proud (and probably too competitive) mum just want to say just how fab (not glam though) being a mum is. DD got her first achievement certificte today. She is just so brilliant and i am so lucky to be a mum - and i've 3 spares too.

Dior yes lunch next week - email me with where and when.

Baffy - you are doing so well - you have come such a long way - it is nearly 2 years now isnt it?
I am glad h is finally being the man you know he can be but unfortuantly you know too that he can no longer be your husband - are you still getting the divorce sorted? Please protect your ds future.

It is coming up for 2 years for us now too - and do you know what my marriage vows mean very little now - It is never easy.

Have a good weekend everyone.

HW - glad you are feeling better now I was feeling very dark about my relationship but now realise I had terrible PMT. Feeling better now.

Dior - What weight do you have to be before h will want sex?

Baffy - totally get your quiet, reflective time and your desire to stay strong. H is being the man you wanted him to be. Past tense. He pushed your boundaries and pushed and pushed some more. Like a child does with their parents. Only he should know better. I've been having a bad week, but feeling better tonight. I've been harbouring feelings of hatred toward h all week He's been watching tv none the wiser

Tannee - it's amazing how much you will communicate just using body language so don't be too daunted by the lodger not knowing English! By the time she leaves either she'll know a bit more English or you'll have picked up some Spanish!

Witchy - from your posts p seems to have more of a sexual relationship with you than an emotional one. Would you agree?

Had a difficult week at work. Relentlessly busy. So glad it's the weekend

Oh and HW - well done your dd

Well here I am drinking a Brandy Alexandra while DP fixes a cheeseboard. BAs are our favourite cocktail since it was the one he used to seduce me in 1988 . Going to have an evening of dvds since DD is at a sleepover and Miss Colombia is out. She was gone when I got back from my mum's, leaving a pan of what tasted like warm prune juice on the stove . I didn't know whether to throw it down the sink or what, so I've decanted it into a bowl! Maybe it's a strange Colombian brew??? Or maybe she just had stewed prunes for lunch and left the liquor. At least I know she's alive, and she must have managed to find the station/been picked up by a friend/whatever. Mustn't worry about these girls but as her English was so poor, I felt like a mother hen this morning!

Dior, it sounds like a strange course H was on - he probably needs to 'debrief' before he can settle back into normal family life again, like POWs after the War . I WISH I could join you for lunch next week, but the byelection is the next day, and there's no way they'd let me take the time off. You couldn't postpone? The following week would be fine - or if not, hope you have a great time and let's try to meet up again really soon. Don't worry about not losing weight this week. You look fantastic, you Liz Lookalike you, and H seems the only one who hasn't quite twigged how desireable you are yet . He will.

HW congrats on DD . Know what you mean about marriage vows. I used to think they were set in stone, and I of all people know how hollow that is. What matters is what you BOTH feel and want to work at. Glad things are better with you and you have fantastic dcs.

Mine is exhausted by A level work and the commute to my old school (also it's on 2 sites, 5 mins walk through playing fields). The walking between the wings is tiring her out, but as I reminded her, I did it myself for 7 years and it gave me great legs . Good news is her old school is having the GCSE Maths papers remarked as the marking was too low - so she may get upgraded to an A, which will please her father who's always worried that he should have made her live with him and go to his old minor public school. As a state system person myself who did very well, I preen myself that, despite keeping her at a terrible state school, splitting up her happy home and making her live with my lover, she's still done extremely well and grown into a happy, intelligent, well-balanced and fun individual .

Cheese board has arrived. Shall say goodnight to you all and hope we all have a decent weekend. Hugs to all.

Tanee - dont worry we will get another one booked quickly - in fact i would love to come to you - festive shopping will have to start after the half term.

Message withdrawn

HW Christmas shopping it is then . Dior, fancy coming to London for some retail therapy after halfterm? Glad you got a hug this morning. I do think hugs are essential (though I was never a huggy child, I crave them as an adult). On balance, they're better than a man who jumps you every night and never wants to touch you the rest of the time.

Well, our lodger saga has reached an interesting climax. She never came back last night (they are supposed to let you know if they are staying out, so you can lock up before bed). Then about midday she came in, a bit of bumping around, heard the front door close and we looked out the window to see some guy packing her trunks into the back of a van and she drove off without leaving even a note - taking our keys with her! I called her friend, who said she'd get her to ring us when she got to her place, to explain. So I called the agent, who was astonished - said this had never happened before. She's going to try to get to the bottom of it with the Colombian agent on Monday, but in the meantime, she called the 'friend' ( the only contact we had for her) who said she wasn't there, and didn't have a mobile (ok, so we imagined that she phoned her mother from what looked like a mobile then , but that they'd offered to let her stay as they live closer to the college (which I doubt, as I'm pretty sure when I took down the number from her address book on arrival, in case we needed a translater, the address was in Burnt Oak). It has been impressed on them that families in this country expect to be informed of any change of plans, and our keys must be returned today. Not Monday, as the 'friend' offered, but today.

In the meantime, DP has gone off to look at the price of replacement locks, and I strongly suspect we shall never see Miss Colombia or our keys again. All sounds very dodgy at worst, and downright rude at best! Plus we're out of pocket unless they can find a replacement for the rest of the booking.

All this has made me feel very wary of taking anyone with 'friends' in this country again. If she had friends, why book a host family at all? Bring back our nice little Japanese girl, or the mad Romanian!

Well, some strange dude has just turned up with our keys and a note of apology from her. He rang her to confirm this was the right house, and I spoke to her and she said it was a last minute decision because her friend is closer. I said ok but she should have told us and left it at that. But DP is still going to change the lock - at least for a couple of weeks - just for our peace of mind ...

Tannee - how strange!!! Good plan to change the locks though - you never know do you.
Dior - I think its that your dh wants you to be a certain shape for him to want to have sex with you. But its nice that he's affectionate in other ways.
I've decided to reduce the amount of time I spend on MN and FB from now on. I seemed to be playing my life out on the laptop lately and its not healthy for me at all. I will still pop in and see how you all are from time to time but I feel its time to start living my life again.
Hope you all understand.

Message withdrawn

Dior I think maybe it is just time for us all to move on and start to live our lives - sometimes being here and dwelling on the initial pain and hurt just drags it all back to the start - I think maybe we are all starting to heal I for one find it very hard to read about the new raw pain of the new guys and it moves me back a few paces ....no offence at all and am sure it is a good thing - I find I "need" to post less now and that can only be a good thing ...so you see I think maybe despite all the crap slowly we start to heal and move on

I agree McD - but like dior think it is sad too - lets try and keep up with each other - we did say another meet up - i know i really enjoyted the last one.

I dont need to post as much either and i too think that is a good thing - but one of the things i am glad about is all the lovely friends i made - and that was something i would never have done before.

Dior quite shocked at your Hs attitude to your weight, obviously being overweight isnt healthy but I dont know that a size 10 is achieveable healthily for everyone.

I am trying to lose weight as I dont feel good but despite having been a teeny size 6/8 when I was younger I really dont aspire to that now - id rather have curves!! I also appreciate that I am older and your body shape, whether you like it or not, changes as you get older. Damn id LOVE a flat stomache but ive had two children and dont have the time to do 100s of sit ups every day - dont think my back would be happy about it either

Just look at Marilyn Monro by todays standards she would be considered overweight and I dont think either Kelly Brook or Kate Winslet are teeny but both are considered attractive.

I think quite a few of you have now reached a crossroads and I did wonder how you coped with the newbies as it does bring it all back when you hear someone else is going through it.

Morning ladies what a weekend from being shouted at in the pub by ex p for talking to another man (my brother best mate) to him taking OW to a wedding that we where both invited to And the icing on the cake was a text yesterday saying that I will never hear from him again as all he does is hurt me and I deserve better.

Ladylush - Been thinking about what you posted and looking back the last 3 months of our relationship have been more sexual than emotional prior to that it was more emotional, but during the last 3 months he was also always mentioning sex during and it was rather annoying and I did mention this fact but the response I got was that he loves sex

Hope you had a relaxing weekend.

Morning everyone - have to say I too feel sad that so many of the old Teabags have dropped out - but I fully understand how it eventually becomes counterproductive to keep raking over the old pain. But if you all leave, I shall miss the lovely silly conversations we often had.

Can we please make sure we oldies keep in touch on FB? Or could we start a more lighthearted Fab & Glam thread in the Chat section? I also enjoyed our meetup and it would be great to arrange another one around Christmastime. And I'll continue to pop in on this thread, as though I can't offer much advice - I can offer support.

Well to stick my oar in - I think FB is the way to go I tend to just check on that and get on with stuff, when I get on MN I end up on here for hours sometimes LOL.

We could always just have a keeping in touch "chewing the fat" tab in the new F & G group

Just to add my two pence worth too

FB could be the way to go. And this thread too, for the people who need it and a quick way to keep in touch or give everyone a shout when people need to!

I agree too, it's really hard going back over it all and having to face those memories and feelings when you're trying to move on.

It's sad because a lot of the support (and wisdom!) we've gained from our situations, can be invaluable to people who are just discovering about an affair.

But for lots of the original people on here, it's getting on for 2 years or more since the discovery, and in our own ways we're now finding a way through it and trying to move on. That's almost impossible when you're reminded daily of what happened.

But also comforting to have the support of people who know everything and have been there too!
It's strange in that way. Also because MN was absolutely my one pillar of support through everything. There were days I couldn't have got through without you guys!

But like TFM, PC, sugar, lilyloo, ginny - there comes a time when you want to stop going over it and move on. Even people like lilybubble don't get on much anymore - although that's probably because she has a such a brill life!

I like the thread though as it gives people a chance to catch up and a place to find us - thinking for example OSJ recently, or Ernest.

Also there's people who supported me all through this, people like Annie and WW - I wouldn't want to lose touch with them. And newer people like LL.
Can't keep up with who's on FB yet!

Definitely will value the friendships I have made on here and never want to lose them. A meet up is definitely necessary!

But I do understand where everyone's coming from. Am feeling it myself. Just would be a shame to lose the thread completely and will make sure I pop in as much as possible. (Although more likely to be with jokes than discussions of H anymore! Onwards and upwards!)

btw - HW I meant to mention, I am pushing ahead with the divorce. Seeing a financial advisor at 4pm today too. Have seen a property I want and once the legalities are sorted I'm going to push ahead with building that future for me and ds just want to get independent advice so I do things in the right order and protect myself.

Just didn't want you worrying I was ignoring that! Macd's post the other day about OW's baby and what she's entitled to really hit me too. I'll work every hour I need to to build the best life I can for ds. But over my dead body would that woman get what I worked so hard for. Her finances, and the future of their baby, is up to her and H to sort!! I want no part of any of it!

Baffy I was going to say "thats brilliant" then realised how bad that sounded...I am glad you are at a point to think about property and building a future for you and DS. But can still remember how we hoped you H was having a "settled down too young" crisis and it would sort it out so obviously sad for you how it worked out - I have to say I never realised until McDs post how much the OW could be a threat to your future financial security - awful.

Ginny beat me to it - has already set up a thread on FB

I did also want to say if anyone else from this thread wants to say hi on FB...feel free to, im quite happy to, but I wait for you to contact me as obviously you may want to stay semi-anonymous and I havent told you anything that isnt at least a decade old.

Hi Baffy, hope it goes well with the solicitor. Yes, MacD's situation certainly shows how vital it is to get the finances sorted out - and the sooner the better. You do need to protect your lovely DS - and whilst it is so, so sad that it has come to this, you seem so much stronger than even just a few months ago and I am so sure your life holds wonderful things - and a wonderful NM - for you. You deserve it! .

I agree this thread should be kept going - if only so if we have a crisis, we can scream or ask the rest to help us on FB. Onwards and Upwards - and if and when we feel up to it, we can help the newbies. The Fab & Glams have helped me so much when I felt I was going to pieces with problems that pale into insignificance with what some of the rest of you have gone/ are going through. What I have loved about this thread is that no problem is too small to merit fantastic support and advice, no one is unkind or judgemental in the way you sometimes see on other threads, and we have followed each other closely for so long that I feel some of us have developed real friendships . I hope we can keep that up.

Message withdrawn

LOL Dior I barely know how to switch my mobile on

Baffy - i am glad you have your sensible head on - my friend who has gone through this is still having problems with her now exh wrt money - and she did get a very good settlement.
Also heard today of a lady who has died and so her exh and ow will now get everything - he is legally responsible for the children but it does not seem fair that ow will be able to enjoy anything - but that is the law after all.
I know no-one likes to think the worst but unfortunately we have to sometimes.