FAB & GLAM PART 8 - Onwards and Upwards!

[ginnny]

8000 posts - how do we find so much to talk about

me too jan meetup - could do with some teabag support
Have booked a week off work to file for divorce, talk to H and deal with the fallout (

Baffy, that is good news. It must be a huge relief to you. As for H, what a piece of work - looks like it will take time for the penny to drop!

Dior & HW, I am prepared to listen (or I will bring DD's Ipod )

I am feeling fairly exhausted after only 2 hours sleep. Had a peculiar night again. DP v one of the cats kept us up from 4.30 on and I'd not got to bed till 2 thanks to waiting up for DD to return from a gig (dirty little stopout!). Won't go into detail here, but I'm practising TFM's distancing strategy. Feeling a bit worn down by it though, & I expect DP's tantrum came out of his own fatigue plus pressure of having to get up at 6am (he doesn't 'do' mornings). Pity, as we'd been getting on so well...

OMG Baffy - that must have been awful! Glad everything is ok now. But at H's insensitivity.

Ladylush, how are you feeling now? I am quite shocked at your doc's attitude to your m/c. I was 37 when I had DD, and apart from one locum GP right at the beginning, who said that abdominal pains I was having were probably me having a m/c, everyone was very supportive.

I have started my ADs but still feeling a bit wierd. My Dad has come down to stay for a while, which is helping, as I cant sit in a heap watching daytime crap tv while he is around. Also DD has been off sick, so that is keeping me busy.

Had my first counselling session this morning, not sure how useful it will be, as she is pretty much what I was afraid of, and I hated the way she switched off at the end of the session, and waited for me to leave even though I was in tears. And now she is away, so I wont have another session until after Xmas. But we will see.

Baffy - am so pleased and relieved all is ok. Strict orders: REST REST REST xx

Fubsy - thanks. I'm probably worse this week than I was last week. Feeling snappy and irritable. Had some bad news yesterday. My (excellent) boss is leaving next month. The team has undergone so many changes (negative) and he really helped pull things together....not holding out much hope for the future in that team now Glad your dad will be spending time with you. Let him spoil you xx

Fubsy - counsellors have to be boundaried but I would not want to see someone who switched off abruptly cos time had run out. A skilled counsellor will structure the session in a way that doesn't leave you hanging at the end with unresolved issues. That can make you feel worse than when you went in

Fubsy, if you don't feel comfortable with your counsellor, could you change to a different one? It doesn't sound like she handled the end of the session well - she should have given you something to hold onto till next time - even if it took an extra five minutes - and especially when she wasleaving you with such a long gap before the next. I feel one needs good continuity - particarly at the start, when you're 'lancing the boil' as it were. It was the lack of continuity that led to DP and me cancelling Relate - we didn't feel we were making any real progress due to the gaps between sessions.

Totally agree with Tanee. I have seen two counsellors (after my h had an affair). The first was free via work and CRAPOLA and the second was fantastic. She was extremely clever, picked up on EVERYTHING spoken and unspoken and never left us hanging at the end of a session. Worth the money imo.

oh you must find the right counsellor fusby - and i also feel that at the start you need a lot of sessions too.

We seem to have been addicted for a while - both had our own and together.

I know you are not supposed to but for a while we were going to 2 at once - but i feel that different people see different pov.

Good luck though and hopefully the ads will kick in soon and you will feel a bit clearer.

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But then of course - we could save our money and lie on the sofa and just blame our parents . Thats always the route of all our problems .

I hope i am doing a good job and giving my children lots to blame me for in the future - so all their problems come from me .

Only kidding of course.

Love the name dior.

Feeling a bit brigter today - but it could just be that friday feeling.

Dior, how DO you think of your wonderful seasonal name variations? This one is the best yet! .

I'm feeling brighter too - DP being nice again and no mention of getting rid of my clingy cat. We had our Wallace & Grommit teaparty at work this morning and it was such fun ignoring the phones and just chatting. I took in a big tablecloth and my art deco teaset plus some knitting projects, baked a pile of welshcakes (DP's mother's recipe) and we had a HUOOge array of cakes and a nice chunk of Wensleydale. Really hope one of the photos gets into the local paper as Boss and us looked very happy with our knitting in one hand and teacups in the other. We decided we should do this more often as it certainly beat talking to the constituents .

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Wallace & Grom party sounds ace

Dior - how lovely. Well done Chuffed - so you should be!

Well done Dior!

Thanks for all the comments about counsellors. I will give her another go, but keep my options open - she is through work, so if my GP can offer anything, I might take that up. She did mention CBT when I saw her last week, so thata might be useful

Hope everyone is ok - I lost my internet connection for a couple of days, but it seems ok now.

Dior, well done - but as you know, I'm an admirer of your work, so I am not surprised. I often wear your bracelet.

Fubsy, hope the counselling works out - if not this one, keep trying till you find one you feel comfortable with. I rather miss Relate - it's so nice talking about yourself none stop for 50 minutes - but if we did go back, I think we would ask to see a different counsellor.

DP grumpy this evening because our lodger has a stinking cold and has been kind enough to share it with him. Funnily enough, we never catch each other's colds - it takes a stranger to bring one into the house. It hasn't put him off his wine intake though (feed a fever and drown a cold ?

Well done dior thats fantastic.

I am actually looking for some legal advice re h mother and her controlling h. He has put a stop to the hospital giving out any info to either h or his brother about how their mum is.
The ward have said that ALL info is only to be through him and that is her wish - but she is too weak to argue with him and it is just not her at all - it is his words. They wont even tell h if she is comfortable/well/sleepy..... nothing - does anyone know if we can do anything about this. The distance is a big thing too as we live about 4 hours drive away.

H is so sad and angry that when she is well enough she will go back home with him and he will never allow h to see her again. She will probably be wheelchair bound too so wont be able to 'escape' now.

He took some photos of the children to show her and she was worried that he would find them and destroy them so she asked h to take them home.

As a family we are gathering a lot of evidence against him but dont want to show his mum as she is not well and it will upset her. There are foul letters to several family members - could we use them to show him to be totally mad and not capable of looking after an old lady?

Any help much appricated - Lush i know you are nurse is there a way to help who should we talk to at the hospital - we are hoping to go on weds.

HW lurking couldnt not reply!
Sounds awful situation - you need to see social worker ASAP - ring hospital and ask if she has been allocated one - talk to nurse manager on ward or her consultant (though will probably have more luck with nurse TBH) - if she hasnt tell them you are concerned re his ability to care properly for her both MENTALLY and physically and think maybe a POVA needs looking into (protection order for vulnerable adults) - if you throw the word POVA around enough someone will take notice...at this stage do not mention all the things he has done (it will just look petty even though I know it isnt) just reiterate you are concerned re her care !
Please email me if you want and good luck xx

oh and of course her GP - depends very much on GP and how well he/she knows her and him!It is quite hard for us to get involved while they still are in hospital but may be a good person to have on side when she is discharged - I would be very willing to listen (would not be able to disclose anything) - and I would have a word with our EMI/elderly SW before she even came out

Thanks McD - we dont really want to 'publish' the letters and actually do not want to get into a legal rangle over a very sick frail old lady. All h wants to do is be able to telephone the ward on a daily basis and be given a general update on how she is - we are not even bothered with the medical side to be honest. But that utter * has said that it is her wishes that NOTHING is said to anyone other than him. I believe she may have said that to one of the nurses because he would have been standing over her at the time.
She is a lovely kind old lady, but i fear she will say what she is told to keep the peace.
Also we are looking at her final months now (she has cancer) and so things are now urgent.
H has always kept in contact with her albeit sometimes strained when he is around.

One of his letters gleefully sugests that h will not even be informed of her death and will not be told about her funeral - the man is a sick sick bastard - he has lost control and is venting his poison where he knows it will hurt.

For so many years we have kept our distance because of him and i know wish we had faced up to him before.

Anyway thanks again - PVOA - do we use the intials or is it a word?? - just so we know what we are talking about.

POVA (say it as a word po-ver) initials for protection order of vulnerable adults !
Would not neccesarily remover her from his care - kinda like a child on the child protection register ...usually done through social services

Thanks - i have emailed you with more info too, hope you dont mind.

We would feel happier if we could just be given an update and i know what you mean about social services - not even sure we really want to 'gain custody' and if we thought she would be happier in her own home would support that - if only he would allow us to support him in that.

Hi HW, so sorry about the terrible situation you and dh are facing I am less knowledgeable than Macdoodle as I work with patients who are mentally ill - so easier in a way due to the Mental Capacity Act. However, Macd's advice seems sound. I would defo get a SW on board. Agree with the POVA angle. Also put your concerns in writing to the consultant of the ward and the hospital manager. You could copy in the sister/ward manager but do make sure it goes further than the ward itself (hence hospital manager) as sometimes these things can be contained within the ward and not dealt with effectively. I would put concerns in writing, despite the fact you have a meeting scheduled. That way, there is a record of your concerns and no one can misrepresent you. A social worker would talk to mil to find out what she wants and would advocate for her. I have a client whose father was trying to prevent his estranged wife (mother of my client) from visiting client. I would not cooperate with this, neither would the wad staff - much to the father's annoyance. Social workers are well used to dealing with difficult family dynamics and will (I hope) be quite helpful.

ward

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HW - that is appalling. Lucky you have some inside advice available from the teabags . Hope the POVA works.

I am going down with my third cold in as many months (gift from our lodger, passed to DP and now me). Think I may need a flu jab this year as my immune system is obviously not up to par .