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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

FAB & GLAM PART 8 - Onwards and Upwards!

1009 replies

ginnny · 18/09/2008 12:16

8000 posts - how do we find so much to talk about

OP posts:
HappyWoman · 09/11/2008 10:01

Dior - please dont fight this alone - we are here for you.

Can we cheer you up with some shopping for smaller clothes .

Baffy · 09/11/2008 12:48

Sorry you're feeling so bad Dior

Even though it's awful, it does sound like you're on top of it, and understand exactly what's happening and what you need to do to work through it. Perhaps that's half the battle? I hope H is being supportive too?

(And thanks HW - that sounds like a great idea )

macdoodle · 09/11/2008 15:51

Dior so sorry you are feeling low again - hopefully the ADs will kick in soon - and please dont worry about taking them - if you had high blood pressure or diabetes you would take medication no problem - this is an illness take the treatment xx

DD1 met the OW baby for the first time this morning (baby is 16 months)......I am quite proud of me and her
We both acted with dignity and maturity - I hope the OW is feeling like a fucking bitch and seeing that the little girl who she really didnt give a toss about in her obsession to win my H is a wonderful mature kind little girl.....and that is down to ME!
DD1 stayed at H last night, he rang to say could she meet the OW baby this morning, he would walk round and get the baby and DD1 could wait outside as he knows I dont want her to have anything to do with OW (who is selfish and manipulative and not to be trusted).....so I gritted my teeth, put my grown up rational head on and said he could tke her with him to get baby (would rather she wasnt left anywhere by herself waiting for him) and as long as she wasnt left alone with OW I could handle it whatever was best for DD1!
So they met, DD1 seems ok, says she is cute looks like DD2 - didnt ask too much, she also met OW - spent an hour in H flat and DD1 wroye OW a lovely letter thanking her for letting her meet her half sister ...I am sooooo very proud of her - she is 7 and behaved better than H and OW ever did
I hope that now OW has this baby and sees all the issues that now arise, she realises just what a horrible disgusting way she behaved - but you know what TBh I really dont care anymore she is so far below my radar now

Dior · 09/11/2008 16:07

Message withdrawn

Fubsy · 09/11/2008 16:40

Sympathies Dior. The crappy weather and time of year dont help either.

I should really be back on them, but I realised I was spending too much money and putting too many things off, as I have no-one to give me a warning nudge. Mind you, X didnt help when he was here either. The GP I saw said that sometimes people feel a bit numb while they are taking them. Is that what you are afraid of?

Im giving the 5 htp a go, but if that doesnt work, I will go back on the ADs. Its not fair on DD otherwise, she doesnt understand why I am in tears so often. Even music sets me off - I had to put one of her audio books on in the car this morning, as all they seemed to be playing on the radio was sombre Remembrance appropriate music.

I want to try to get some legal things sorted, and get my finances in order, then if necessary I can go back on meds.

Are you getting any counselling? Im still in two minds whether to try that again. I need more than the usual - if someone asks me "And how does that make you feel" I will probably punch them!

Dior · 09/11/2008 18:37

Message withdrawn

Baffy · 09/11/2008 18:48

lol fubsy at wanting to punch them! Not a laughing matter I know, but I totally understand that 'all talked out' feeling.

Macd well done

I think you did amazingly well and well done to your dd for being so grown up. you must be so proud. And yes, that is ALL down to you.

I know I have that day to come, and it fills me with dread already, so I take some comfort from the fact that you handled it so well and it was the best outcome it could have been.

I just hope my H respects my wishes too, and doesn't intorduce ds until I'm ready. He's promised he won't. But his promises don't mean much right now do they.

Well done again xx

Fubsy · 09/11/2008 21:32

MacD your daughter sounds a real star! I loved the letter bit - I bet that made OW stop in her tracks!

ladylush · 09/11/2008 21:59

OMFG Baffy Very happy for you though I know you and ds will be happy with another addition to your lovely family. What's your due date? Mine is 8th July.

Sorry everyone else - have to go but will pop back later in the week xx

HappyWoman · 10/11/2008 07:26

Trouble is mcd - she probably still thinks this not her fault - your h only stayed because you are such a crap wife....

My ow actually left her children - how the hell can you compete with a person like that??
But then i think it backfired because when my h finally realised, he could see she was not the woman he would have wanted to have any relationship with anyway.
So i have no desire to 'win' over her anyway - like you say mcd i am already so far above her anyway .

Dior - new week, possitive vibes being sent to you.

I am feeling a bit low too - probably pmt again - still all over the place so who knows?
Can feel myself feeling all tense just thinking about xmas.

Baffy · 10/11/2008 12:23

LL - about the 15th July I think (my calculations though!)

Can anyone direct me to anything about what I can/can't eat? I know the main things (I think!) but had a little panic this morning.

For example, what's the rules on caffine? I'm assuming coffee is bad, but I had tea this morning and wondering if that should be decaffinated too...

Dior · 10/11/2008 14:17

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Tanee58 · 10/11/2008 15:25

Wow, I go away from my computer for a few days and.....

Baffy, I'm reeling from your news. Huge congrats - though I can only imagine what a turmoil of emotions you must be going through! I do hope all goes well and lol at conceiving on HER birthday (wicked )!

It's many long years since my baby days...but I remember I went right off coffee and stuck to tea - it's lighter on caffeine - and you can drink some herbal tea like peppermint, but watch others as they can react badly with pregnancies (I think raspberry's a nono). Also, avoid alcohol as much as poss (I was mightily sick after a half glass of white wine to celebrate my exh's 40th birthday ), and any unpasteurised dairy products. Eat plenty of dark green veg.

I just found this:

Is it safe to drink herbal teas while I'm pregnant?
Many pregnant women carefully avoid caffeine, alcohol, nicotine, and unnecessary medications but think nothing of drinking cup after cup of herbal tea. If this sounds like you, take heed: Herbal teas can be harmful, especially if you drink too much of them. Most of the ingredients in herbal teas are safe, but many are not. Herbs are drugs and thus can be as potent as some medications. What's more, only a few of the herbs used for teas have been studied in pregnant women.

How can I tell which herbal teas are safe to drink during pregnancy?
Although no U.S. regulations specifically address herbal teas, most of the herbs the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) considers safe for food use are presumed safe for teas as well. For example, teas made from ginger, lime blossom, peppermint, roasted barley, rose hips, and thyme are probably safe to drink occasionally in small amounts while you're pregnant or nursing. However, drinking excessive amounts of any teas can cause health problems for you and your developing baby.

Which teas are not safe?
Many of the herbs used for teas, when taken in large or medicinal amounts, can potentially stimulate the uterus and induce miscarriage. These include anise, catnip, chamomile, comfrey, ephedra (called ma huang in traditional Chinese medicine), European mistletoe, hibiscus, horehound, Labrador, lemongrass, licorice root, mugwort, pennyroyal, raspberry leaf, rosemary, sage, sassafras, stinging nettle leaf, vetiver, and yarrow.

Although some midwives use raspberry leaf (also known as red raspberry leaf) to aid delivery, its effectiveness hasn't been proven. In any case, it should be used only near term and under the supervision of a healthcare professional. Avoid the rest of the herbs in this list during pregnancy and lactation.

Note: You can still eat food that contains herbs like rosemary and sage, because the amounts used in food are generally much smaller than those used in tea ? and not as potent (the brewing process for making tea concentrates the chemicals of the herbs).

Among other reasons to avoid certain herbs used in teas:

? Coca (also known as mate de coca) contains small amounts of cocaine.

? Comfrey, kava root, skullcap, valerian, and woodruff may damage your liver.

? Lobelia contains nicotine.

? Mate (or yerba mate) can contain as much caffeine as coffee.

None of these herbs should be taken while you're pregnant or nursing.

HappyWoman · 10/11/2008 15:27

I think caffine is ok too - but i do know a lot of women go off it.

Avoid - eggs unless really well cooked.
Any undercooked or raw meat products.
Unpasturised products.
Liver
Alcohol

And anything that really upsets your system.

There is a lot of scarmongering about what harms the baby imo. That is why there is the placenta to stop too many harmfuls getting to baby. And as long as you are generally fit and well the baby will get all it needs from your reserves anyway, whatever you eat.

Take care of yourself baffy and get lots of rest.

Baffy · 10/11/2008 15:44

Wonderful - thanks guys

As for rest... if only!
I came into work at 7 today so I could finish by 4... not a chance! 6pm meeting now as well!

Have rewarded myself with a mumsnet break!

In some ways I can't wait to be able to tell them, so that they lay off the pressure a bit and realise I can't keep doing 10-12 hour days...

Tanee58 · 10/11/2008 16:48

My mother ate masses of liver when she was expecting me - it was recommended to mothers in those days because of the high iron content. How things change.

Mind you, it didn't do me any harm... (you may disagree on this! )

Dior, really sorry to hear you are so down. This ghastly weather doesn't help. I have come down with my second cold this winter, and DD's off school with it. Am happy to postpone Ikea until you feel up to it - it wouldn't be the same without you . Hope the increased dosage kicks in soon.

My Relate counsellor has cancelled again - we're beginning to forget what she looked like. Not much point really, when you have no continuity. Dp and I had a lovely Saturday evening (mainly because I emphasised that, as DD was away the night, we should have a 'hot date') - but last night he reacted very poorly to DD's cold - wanted to know whether she'd be taking up the sofa ALL evening and admits he doesn't like being round sick people - though he's been good with my colds this winter.

It's all one step forward, two steps back at the moment.

At least our mad lodger from last winter is coming back to us again for the panto season. It'll take some of the financial pressure off, and as we've gone wireless, I HOPE she'll spend more time in her room rather than hogging our computer downstairs. Means DP and I will have even less time on our own, but frankly, at the moment, I'll welcome the outside distraction.

Tanee58 · 10/11/2008 16:49

Forgot to say HI to C&C and to everyone else. It's great to see so many of the F&G's back .

HappyWoman · 10/11/2008 16:58

Things do change - but i think it because everyones diet is so much better and liver has a lot of vit d in it which could be too much.
However they do think the cravings are a way of mothers getting the 'right' foods for them.

Tanee58 · 10/11/2008 17:42

I had a huge craving for lemons. I was a regular joke at the greengrocer's. I'd just buy 'em and slice 'em and suck on 'em. No wonder DD has such an acidic sense of humour !

ladylush · 10/11/2008 18:05

I think my mother must have had a secret craving for lemons too
Baffy - I've given up caffeine and alcohol. Drinking decaff tea. I wouldn't risk it tbh cos I've been unlucky with past pregnancies. I'm sure a cup or two wouldn't do much though. Also diet coke etc all contain caffeine and often more than a cup of tea. Baffy I'm too scared to join an antenatal thread but maybe we could have our own little one on here (and bore everyone else to tears) Oh beware of homemade mayonaise too. Shop bought is ok.
Dior - sorry to hear you're feeling depressed again - I wouldn't be surprised if the darker nights have something to do with it.
HW - Yes I agree with what you said. I recognise less attractive qualities in myself too that I try to keep suppressed but sometimes rear their ugly head. I am so irritable at the moment so it is quite a battle Don't remember feeling like this when pg with ds - maybe it's a girl! I've had a headache all day too.
Tannee - hope your dd feels better soon. Bit rubbish that the counsellor keeps cancelling appts. You do need consistency when you are having counselling.
Hi Lilyloo - how's it going?

WilyWombat · 10/11/2008 18:27

I dont think coffee will do too much harm in small quantities, just limit yourself to a couple a day if you cant live without it

I was a tea drinker until I was pregnant then craved coffee - I now drink far more coffee than tea. During pregnancy I had terrible heartburn so I drank a lot of peppermint tea.

Favourite foods that were not recommended then : pate, prawns, soft cheese, sorbets (because of the raw eggs) and (I think) peanut butter.

My friend loved sushi (bleurgh) and told me that was on the banned list too.

Dior I cant imagine what it is like to live with ongoing depression, I know mine is partly related to how much sun I see and partly hormonal...this week I am going into (quiet) meltdowns over everything from DS sandwich box falling out of the fridge, to not having a Will , to having to call the insurance broker because he got my date of birth wrong. At least I know I just need to have a few early nights and give it a few days and I should be back to normal, I am feeling particularly unhinged today though!

ladylush · 10/11/2008 18:33

There's a lot of conflicting info on foods/drink to avoid. My book says sushi ok if cooked. Not all sushi is raw fish. It also says to avoid any food from the deli e.g cold meat, pork pies, cheese etc but packaged cheese etc. is ok.

Dior · 10/11/2008 20:20

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Baffy · 10/11/2008 22:15

LL - I definitely won't be joining one of those threads! I'd feel like a fraud I think! Much rather bore everyone here instead

Well I have been drinking plain boiled water all day! Why?! Well I've been so thirsty, and never drink enough water anyway, so decided that was the best way to go. But it was so bloody cold in work that I decided to do the usual cuppa round, but just leave out the teabag and milk in mine...
Strangely, it was quite nice and comforting.
I'm definitely losing my marbles though!

Have (finally!) sat down for 5 minutes to unwind before bed. Didn't get home until after 7 in the end - long day!

On the subject of boring you all... is it strange that last week I was having loads of symptoms and sickness, and this week I'm not. Should I be worried? I'm only about 3-4 weeks.
(I remember last time, by now, the tiredness was starting, I went off tea and coffee, my sense of smell kicked in and everything used to make me feel sick.) But I'm not getting any of that now. Although last week I did have it. Is that worrying?

Dior · 11/11/2008 09:20

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