FAB & GLAM PART 8 - Onwards and Upwards!

[ginnny]

8000 posts - how do we find so much to talk about

yup photos on Fb - was also crap with DD1 much better this time
though 4 teeth now so almost time to stop I think
And yup H still being an arse could do with a CnC arse kicking ta

McD feel the same despite thinking it may help sleep etc i will miss it and knowing it will be the last makes it more so!

How lovely to hear that you'd both miss it - and that despite the teeth Mac - yowzer! I distinctly remember the relief when my GP told me to stop torturing myself at the 6 wk check Fingers crossed that this one hasn't got tonsils the size of Gibraltar (which is apparently the cause of the previous problems!)

Miss our chats here too but our reason for being here seems so painful to recall now. I still get pangs every time I see new threads or even reading the stories of the lovely new ladies on here Maybe I'll just keep sticking my head in the sand for the time being!

Methinks it's time for a meetup soon. I'm terribly sore at missing out on the last one which sounded lovely!

Well Lily mostly sleeps well though is early riser 5-5:30am most mornings 6am if I am lucky....so I dont think it is the feeding IYSWIM!

Well Lily mostly sleeps well though is early riser 5-5:30am most mornings 6am if I am lucky....so I dont think it is the feeding IYSWIM!

5 - 5.30am

LOL CnC we still lucky to get 3-4 hours and she nearly one!
Name her (if it's a she) Lily she slept through from 6 weeks!
McD Belive me a 5am start would be fab if she stayed asleep from her 7 bedtime!
CnC it's all lovely am i won't be having a newborn again and that's with dd still not sleeping !

I know I just grit my teeth as she usually goes from 7pm to 5am BUT 5am even cbeebies hasnt started yet
But see both BF babies makes no difference !
DD1 was early riser too must be genetics JUST not MY genes!

I'm off to bed now to dream of newborns who sleep for 12 hours a night and wake up at the behest of MY bodyclock

Thank you guys - both of you have honestly made me realise how much I have to be grateful for and look forward to

Hi CnC

I've been thinking about you lately (especially when I got the BFP!) - I thought you must be due anytime. Great to hear from you. I didn't want to text in case I was pestering you!

I told H yesterday. I wasn't planning on it actually, but I was looking awful and had been sick, and when he asked why I just came out with it!

His reaction was remarkably calm. Talking about how 'we' will get through this and 'we' will face the pregnancy together.

Does he mean 'we' who gets dreadful morning sickness, or 'we' who works 40-50 hour weeks in a high pressure job, or 'we' who will be coming home to a toddler, on my own, every day, while her ex is out doing whatever the hell he wants and popping in to be dad of the year as and when it suits...

I'm totally in shock. But also 100% believe that this is a blessing. If it's meant to be, then I will love it with all my heart and it will just be another part of this amazing little family I have with ds. There's no question in my mind about wanting it. I do believe all children are a blessing.

I sat and worked out my dates last night. It's not like we've been sleeping together all the time so I knew there were only 1 or 2 occasions that it could have happened. It's still very early days so all I can do is take 1 day at a time and try to get myself a little support network in place to get through this. H is more than welcome to go and live his own life and I'm adamant that this will not stop his decision to divorce me. I just thank God we had made that decision before I found out. Otherwise I might have to live this half hearted life with him forever
Plenty of women do this. And it's not the way I would have ever planned. But where there's a will there's a way!

Baffy trust me I know this will be fine It will be amazing and wonderful and scary and hard ...and the very best thing that could happen to YOU
I think maybe I was sinking into a terrible place when I fell with Lily - I am afraid I stayed away from contacting you because I didnt know how to comfort you about the OW baby...because I do believe that the thing that saved me from so much bitterness and madness was my little Lily
I dont think babies are "things" to be toyed with/to make us feel better - but now I do believe in fate and that some things are meant to be .....I know how terribly scary it is and the first year is very very hard ......and yes the prick of a H will come and go as he wishes but yours like mine does love his kids and so we let them at some cost to ourselves ...but at the end of the day we have these blessings and we can only take one step at a time!
I am pleased for you - I have sent you a message on FB (the email addy I had kept bouncing back) - please ring me or text me if you need/want to

McD lovely post completely agree!

Thank you so much macd

Have replied

Strange thing is, that I already feel that I don't want H to be part of this.

I don't mean that in a vindictive way (as in OW, one minute she wants him at the scan, the next she doesn't etc...) I mean that he had made his decision that he didn't want me, or the family he created, and that was it.

Now that this has happened, it can't suddenly change how he felt. I wouldn't want it to change how he feels.
But I don't particularly want him involved as I don't want to ever feel like I'm starting to rely on him again. Physically, practically or emotionally. Because he always lets me down. So I feel that if I just do it all on my own, then I only have myself to worry about.

Does that make any sense at all?
Would you all think I was an evil bitch if I tried to keep my distance with H, even throughout this pregnancy?

I had a hard time when pregnant with ds. I know just how fragile this little life is, and I'm already praying with all my heart that we get through this. But I just want to move away from the constant heartache that surrounds anything to do with H, and focus on what should be a happy, special time for me and ds.

But I understand it's H's baby too It feels so unfair to just block him out and focus on myself for once. But I feel like it's the only way to get through it and actually, enjoy it. I may never get to do this again. I want it to be a special time. Not clouded in misery because of my marriage ending.

Do you think I've lost the plot though...

Oh gosh Baffy - congrats, probably not how you would have planned things but you did say you would like another child.

I dont think keeping hubby at arms length makes you an evil bitch - you can control the choices you make and therefore your happiness, as you say he lets you down. I think you are just being realistic. I do think it will be important for the child to know that his/her Dad loves him/her though.

You see I was thinking about what I was saying about still loving someone but not liking them and realised that after I went throught that phase I got to understanding, (maybe even liking) but no longer loving - which is a much more comfortable place to be.

OMG! Must thank MCD for flagging me here!

Congratulaions Baffy

You've always said you'd like another child, and ds had a sibling. I remember clearly at one point you feeling very sad that even if ds got a sibling, if you met someone else, it wouldn't be a full sibling. Well looks like you got your wish. there is nothing better than holding that little baby in your arms. Nothing. My dd is, as you said, a total blessing.

I am so happy and excited for you. I know it may at times feel scary, and the situatiion isn't ideal, but it's also pretty good - you get your much longed for 2nd child, your ds gets a sibling brilliant. When are you due? Good luck xxx

(disclaimer - all my children, my beloved dss are of course blessings too, I merely referred to dd as a. she is a baby, and b. she was born following our troubles )

Wow Baffy - I dont think youve lost the plot at all! You sound incredibly strong and focussed. I hope you stop feeling sick soon, so you can think of the positives.

And I wish you all the luck in the world!

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OMG Baffy!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!!!!
I think it is fantastic news. A brother or sister for ds.
It will be hard on your own, but its so so rewarding too. I was pg with ds2 when my relationship ended and I was terrified, but it really was fine.
I don't think you are wrong for wanting to keep H at a distance. You should do whatever it takes to make sure you enjoy this pregnancy.
OW will be furious!!!!
Hi CnC - only 3 weeks, where did that time go?
Sorry Dior, hope you feel better soon.
Hope everyone else is OK.

Wow Ernest you do have a good memory!

Thanks so much for the kind wishes everyone. I definitely do feel blessed and like you said Ernest, I always wanted another child, just not perhaps quite in these cirumstances! But I do feel strong and positive about it. And WW - I hope I can get to that place too!

It's strange, because it's a time when I should be so terribly down about the end of my marriage. And although I know I'm grieving for what could have been, I also feel some excitement and hope for the future. As much as I would never have planned it like this, the timing probably couldn't be better. If that makes sense.

Dior - so sorry you're feeling down

Ernest - how are you? xx

haha ginny I hadn't really thought about OW's reaction at all, but that just made me giggle to myself! I'm sure she probably will. But I don't give a * either way!

One thing I do know though, from working out my dates last night, that we conceived this baby on OW's 21st Birthday.
Do you remember how she gloated to me that they conceived that baby on my 30th Birthday!
What's that about karma...

Actually, after just writing that in black and white, what are the chances that her most fertile day, and the day she conceived, was my birthday, and by total and utter chance, we conceived this baby on hers...

If I was writing a book on this I wouldn't even include that, it sounds so bloody far fetched and unrealistic!

Baffy - only just read this and wow and congrats.
Hope you are ok and remember we are here all the way just ask for help please.

Remember what i said about you can still have a relationship with h and if you feel and arms length is best for YOU then do that.
Do be sure though that it is not to 'punish' h for this - it is about you and your needs now not his anymore.

Wishing you all the luck in the world - and you do know that i do scans dont you? So if you still fancy that trip we can have a peek at this lo.

Dior - are you ok? Silly question i know but you know where i am and if you need anything please give me a call.
If things like housework are getting on top of you i'll come and give you a hand a couple of days - and dont worry i WILL call the favour back in .

Hi to everyone else.

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