Hi everyone, wow, glad to see some of you around. I thought this thread had died.
Dior, congrats - inward and thinward!
HW glad things are going well, though I understand your insecurity.
Ginnny, ditto - really pleased to see DP is keeping off the sauce.
I retract everything I said last week. I think we may continue with Relate - it's just that we talked quite a bit about the 'elephant in the room' last week - namely, DP finding it difficult to cope with DD's presence. Only he said that even if she weren't around, he'd probably find another 'elephant'. So I said it sounded like he had a whole herd of elephants and the counsellor suggested he try to herd them into the next session so we could take a look.
Anyway, all seemed ok until the next night, when he didn't come to bed again. He had the next day off, and when I got home from work, he was obviously tiddly (he said he'd only had half a bottle then, but he hadn't eaten). He said he had some very bad news and I wasn't going to be happy. It turned out he'd tried using the computer the night before, got frustrated because it was really slow (it's been getting steadily worse) - and because he'd had quite a bit to drink, he lost it and threw the laptop to the floor! .
Well, I was speechless. Literally, couldn't speak to him. I said, 'and how much had you had to drink?' he said he'd had a bit. 'And how much have you had tonight?' at which he got all defensive. So I left him to it, went to the sitting room and watched crap TV in a mindless way. He finished another bottle and crashed out. I went to bed in the spare room - I was so angry with his slumbering snoring body I couldn't face sharing the bed. He got up about 5am and found me, and asked if I would join him, saying he felt awful and really sorry.
Anyhoo, the next day we took the laptop to the doctor's, where it remains (so I can only go online at work) - and on the way I gave him a hard talking to, saying I realised that the counsellor was right, I have been co-dependent with his depression and drinking and I wasn't going to do it any more. I want him to get help otherwise he's killing himself and I am NOT going to watch or help him do it any more.
He was going to his mother's for a few days anyway, so it gave him time to think - and to miss me! He said he was glad I'd spoken out and realises he needs to think about the consequences of his actions. Yes, I said, AND he needs to get help. He came home last night and we haven't talked about things yet, but at least he drank much less than usual.
Don't know whether to feel or optimistic that we have at least got MY elephant into the open....?