Had braest reduction last week - dh and i bickering :(

[mymittens]

I had my breast reduction last week and it hasn't gone as i'd hoped. I have a haematoma under one arm and more worryingly one boob is alot bigger than the other. I feel completely miserable and disappointed about the whole thing and have been in tears every day since the op. dh has been off work to look after ds and knows how sad i've been. this morning i went back to bed after he'd told me i needed to be quick getting washed (he was supposed to be helping) but i can't do anything quickly atm. I got really upset and went back to bed. I tried to get me to get up but i refused. he got annoyed with me and when siad he wanted to talk about things. I said i would when i was ready but atm i want to be left alone. he said he wouldn't want to talk about hings later and has now taken ds out. it's one thing after another. i wish i hadn't had the operation

[lulumama]

agree with blu and oneliein

the crux of the matter is, IMO, that you have posted about this very issue many times, you get the smae good advice, yet seem unable to put it into practice and sustain it

go to relate, you need more than MN can give you

[compo]

bloody hell solidgoldbrass, she already said she's going to apologise!!

[FiveGoMadInDorset]

Not to sure why you can't get washed or dressed, the only thing I needed help with after my op was washing my hair. And sorry but you do go on somewhat.

[TheFallenMadonna]

TBH, I wouldn't phone him right now. Because even if you have calmed down, he might not have, and then it could all start all over again.

Get up and wash, and when he comes back just be nice to him. Try to talk about something other than the op and your and his reactions to it.

[mymittens]

I've texted him to apologise in case he's still driving.

Five - when did you have your op? did you have any uneveness to start with?

[FiveGoMadInDorset]

Four years ago and yes because they were swolen, have you had a follow up check yet?

[mymittens]

i'm seeing the consultant again tomorrow. i saw him a few days ago and he said himself, without me even mentioning it that one seemed alot bigger atm. I've now spoken to dh to apologise. he's coming home and we're going for a walk together later.

[Blu]

Have you got a good range of pain relief? You could be taking paracetamol, ibroprufen and prescription codeine - something else to talk to your consultant about.

[mymittens]

yes have enough pain relief. dh and i have made up now but by head is feeling worse now than it has since i had the op. i guess i'm exhausted with all the stress of the row aswell as the op. i've just read that stress can delay wound healing by up to 40%

[thesockmonsterofdoom]

you need to be resting, you are obviously very stressed post op, i t is a big op, it took a good 6 motnhs before my breasts were as they are now, at first they are hideous, someone has had there hand inside you fertling about and there will be an awful lot of swelling, give you7rself time, rest, eat well and be pampered. eat choclate.

[BlingLovin]

BR's aren't as an exact a science as we would all like. Mine came out too big in light of what I expected. But once you've healed up, there are options and things they can do, that are less invasive, to help you manage things better.

Instead of sitting at the computer, make an effort to move around a bit and sit down in a resting position - leaning forward ovre a desk can't be good. DP sounds like he's trying to help you and you're making things worse. It hurts, and you have to move slowly, but then prioritise what you do. going downstairs and sitting with your family, even if you're just watching telly, is more useful than loitering in the bedroom and getting upset.

[mymittens]

Thanks sock and bling. were yours different sizes after the op? did they end up the same? what are the less invasive options after things have healed? i thought i'd just have to have it redone if they end up different sizes. as dh is looking after ds, i'm just left on my own most of the time. it hurts if i go out in the car so they've been going out without me. dh said a few weeks ago there's no way he'd shout/argue with me while i was recovering, he's just walk away from things if things got stressy. yet again, he hasn't kept his word. my head feels like it's going to explode - this is the worst i've felt since the op. my boobs aren't even hurting much atm

[Blu]

Ahem - MyMittens - you have made up! He has apologised....so Stop Chewing It All Over!!!!! You will start the next row! Let it go..and PROMISE me that you will not use that sress / healing statistic to beat up your DH, will you?

YOU can choose not to get wound up by this, you know!

Take control of your own emotions: if you spend so much time reacting, HE is in control of your emotions, not you.

Maybe we're being hard and unfair, but the way you tell all this, it really does sound as if he shouts because you are always on at him and nothing he can ever do is right!

[Saturn74]

But your DH is taking DS out so you can rest and recover.
You are posting about it as if he is abandoning you and trying to upset you.
And when he is at home with you, you get into confrontations with him.

I think he is trying to be helpful, but you don't really know what you want from him, and he doesn't know either.

He's apologised.
You've apologised.

Now move on, and concentrate on your recovery.

[lulumama]

blu speaks total and utter sense

no-one can promise not to shout or get cross for weeks.. and you were already both stressed before teh OP

you are both in this cycle together.

you need to work on breaking it together

[lulumama]

it sounds as though they wind each other up

she was angsting for weeks about him not caring for her enough before the op, saying he would not look after her when she had it..

self fulfilling prophecy , no?

the DH cannot do right for doing wrong

he has taken their DS out so she can rest up and get some time out, and she is complaining of being abandoned

sounds like the bar is being set way too high and this is a cycle of behaviour that dates back long before the operation

more time spent talking to her DH rather than repeating the same thing over and over on MN again might be more productive

[lulumama]

i also thikn her disppointment with the op itself is clouding her thinking, and that is understandable.

[Earlybird]

You say: yet again, he hasn't kept his word

Those words in your recent post stand out in bold for me. You seem to be looking for ways he has let you down, and keeping score whenever you feel he doesn't measure up. Based on the descriptions here, it sounds as if the two of you have a toxic way of communicating/relating to each other.

Would you be better off without him? Then proceed on that basis. If you want to stay together, a major overhaul is in order and frankly I think you'll need professional help to make any progress. The bickering between you sounds too entrenched.

[themildmanneredstalker]

jeez-why didn't you just leave them alone if it was going to cause so much grief?!!!!

[lulumama]

yes, that is also true, but it does not sound as though teh OP has made any allowances for her DH, though of course that can only be based on what is written here

it takes two people to make a relationship not work well.

[thesockmonsterofdoom]

To be fair I remember feeling absolutly awful after my op, dh was great but mainly involoved taking dd's away so i could rest, then i felt lonely, and tired and in pain and unable to move much (you really can not believe how much your movement is restricted). I know how upset you must feel about the size, you build your self up for a major op and are disappopinted with the results, just remember they are not the results, it really did take 6 months before mine looked as they look now.
Are there reason other that aethetic reasons that you had the op, if you had it for back pain then let me tell you I was awake every night for kmonths before my op in p[ain, I have had no pain at all since the op.
I can fit into clothes i wouldn't have even tried before, it really will settle down, even if there is a slight difference you wont even notice once the swelling goes down, actually most women have odd boobs anyway.
now get of the compuetr, prop yourself up in bed with a good book and some choccies, the position you sit in to type will not be helping, read, sleep whnever you feel lke it and get your dh to wait on you, do not leave your bed until you have read at least one book, and pn the washing front I think it was a out 3 weeks before I had a proper wash, i must have stunk.