Am I being paranoid?

[nanog]

Last Fri at abt 5pm DH was about to get into the shower. He started to have a shave and I told him I was going out to meet a friend for a quick drink. I'd be back in an hour. DS1 and DS2 were both at home with him.

On my way to meet my friend, I recieve a txt from her to say she can no longer meet, so I turn the car round and go home. I was back home in 5min. As I enter the house, I see the kids both playing. I opened the bathroom door to pop my head round and say hello to DH, but DH wasn't there.

I searched every room and he was nowhere to be seen. The back door to the garden was wide open and so was the garage door. I entered the garage and he was sat naked, half shaven with a phone i've never seen before.I asked him what on earth he was doing sitting stark naked in the garage, in a jokey way. He said nothing and I'm just so confused by then that I didn't know what else to say to him. I also noticed a phone charger plugged into a socket in the garage.

I started to piece together things that have happened, like how he spends a lot of time in the garage when he returns from work each day. I always assumed he was putting his tools away, but now i'm thinking otherwise.

I'm questioning why he would need another (secret) mobile phone. i can only think the worst right?

It was bugging me all weekend so last night I asked him about the phone. He told me its a very old phone he used to own and someone at work told him he could enter a code and then make free calls from it. I questioned further whether it actually worked and he said he tried, but got cut off. I said how gr8 it would be to have a phone wher we wouldn't have to pay for calls, but he said that he didn't think it was possible. more like he didn't want me to see the phone right?

Since I saw the phone in the garage on the fri, he has hid it. I can't find it anywhere. He doesn't leave it around like his other mobile phone. Why would he hide this from me?

I've never felt this way before. We've been married for 10 years. Should I be suspiscious? Is he upto something and how do I find out?

You can get the puk codes un locked. Lots of phone shops do it.

Yes, Dalrymps - that's exactly the one! Thank u for taking the time to look thro the manual. I do hope we can extract more data from it. Have u seen my previous posts abt the other sim cards? 4 were blank and 2 require pin / PUK codes. plus they were in a plastic case with adapter cards and sandisks??

However, I now suspect we shud be looking for memory cards? I cud be wrong tho. thank u for ur earlier offer abt investigating further had u still be working for Orange. There is no way I'd want any mumnsettter to jeorperdise their work contract, so I think I would've advised u against searching his individual account - altho it could've helped - alot!!

Minding Mum - yes, mumsnetter is what's keeping me going, esp. wen i don't have anyone else to talk to about this problem.

muckypups - that's really helpful to know. I'll get it unlocked later on today or tomorrow.

Just caught up on all of this nanog

It really could be as innocent as him liking to video himself, porn etc, or as bad as full blown affair(s). But like you say, until you know either way, it's almost impossible to make a decision.

My H does the 'don't know' thing too.. when I discovered his affair and all I could ask was why, why why - all he could say was 'I don't know'.

Truth is, they do know, they just don't want to tell the truth.

I hope you get some answers soon. And I think an ultimatum is not such a bad thing, because you must be absolutely livid by now putting up with this crap from him it can't carry on indefinitely. Does he think you're stupid?! That he can just say he doesn't know and you'll say, oh ok then, lets forget it... I think he needs start treating you with the respect you deserve. And soon!

Good luck

The sim you tried that asked for a 'password', is that EXACTLY what it said on the screen or was it asking for a pin or security code?
The Orange 'back up' service is what it says If you have things you want to save on the phone you can back them up by saving them on the internet, it sends the files to a space orange provide on thehe net then if yo want to get the files back you 'restore' and they are sent back to the phone. The only thing is, he would have had to use that service in the first place for there to be any files to restore, also, the phone will have to have the correct internet settings and an active sim to retrieve any files that may be there. You could put a working sim in (maybe your own - if it asks for a pin thats YOUR pin if it's your sim) and click the restore option, it's a long shot but worth a try.
Pin code blocked - enter PUK means the wrong pin has been entered too many times and now the SIM card is locked, you need a code from the network provider (orange) to unblock it but can only do that if that specific SIM is registered in your name. However it would have to be the most recent sim on the account, if it's an old sim and has been replaced by an upgraded sim then they won't have the PUK code that unlocks that sim. To be honest it's probably an old sim and not the one he was using as why would he enter his own sim wrong and lock him sim if he might want to use it again?
No, he can't use a pay as you go withput an active sim so he would have to have an active pay as you go sim card. If he has one then it is most likely to be one of the ones you have found that is asking for a pin or password etc, unless he has another one somewhere and these are all just old ones?
The memory card is unique to that phone but it will fit other phones too, probably ones around the same age. Memory cards get smaller all the time, the older phones tend to have big ones. If you have found any other memory cards they probably won't fit that phone but if you have adapters too they might. If they don't you could always take any memory cards you find along with the adapters to a place that prints photos out, woolworths has a machine you can put memory cards in and it shows whats on them, you can print the pics for 20p each.HTH

Oh by the way, i'm not sure if shops unlock the PUK, I doubt it as it means the sim is locked, not the phone. There are some shops that unlock blacklisted PHONES but the phone doesn't seem to be blacklisted.
If some sims are asking for a pin I think you get 3 shots before it asks for a PUK so be carefull not to block them.
As I said before though, is it DEFINATLEY the PIN it is asking for? there are lots of different codes depending on what the phone is asking for.

rude question, but is it definitely him wanking? do you errr recognise the equipment?

Oh my! I'll try everything you've suggested there Dalrymps - thank uuuuuu!

Could i try putting the memory cards in my digital camera or PC?

Have you checked the calender? Unlikely but there might be somthing in there, just an thought.

Oops forgot to answer that one - its definitely a PIN code.

Warthog - It is definitely him wanking and he admitted to that, cz I said there was no question - it was definitely him cz he's so hairy!! plus i recognised the surroundings.

Here's something you never wanted to know - my fil gave us an old video recorder when he got a new one. First thing XH did was tape himself having a tommy. (Sorry, tmi, I know).

I just could not understand what the point of that was. Still can't now. But my brain isn't his brain, so how would I understand?

If men/women do think things like this are exciting, just for their own viewing pleasure, he might not be doing anything too bad, Nanog. Hoping with everything crossed that he isn't.

the calendar only has birthday entries higlighted.

Constance wearing - u see wen I viewed the video, part of me found the video amusing. I was thinking what on earth possessed him to do such a thing??!! and just giggled a little. BUT due to his suspiscious behaviour and the constant lies abt the phone, there is also a feeling of fear - that it could mean a whole lot more, like the exchanging of videos / texts with another woman.

Yeah, you could try the memory cards anywhere they'll fit, different things take differebt types so you might find a match. Does your pc have memory card slots? Does it say anything else on the memory cards? sandisk is the make but it might say the type, for eg SD, M2 etc
My laptop and printer have memory card slots but it's quite new.
I think the default pin for Orange sim cards is 1111 but will check with dh and get back to you on that one so don't try it yet (dh used to work in sam job as me). It will only be the defualt if he hasn't changed it to something personal though, as I said, will let you know.

Nanog, sounds like my DH, the "don't know" answers!
When i first met him, he gave me so many "don't knows" that i got a t-shirt made for him saying "Don't ask me, i don't know!"
Maybe you should get him one as well .

My laptop has memory card slots too and the kingmax mini adapter SD fits into the laptop slot. I just don't know how to bring it up on the screen.

The sandisk is a 16mb mini SD.

I know, Nanog. Been there myself with XH so many times, he had so many affairs, and I really identify with that feeling that you 'have to know', but at the same time you dread knowing, wtf is going on. I was just wishing the best possible outcome for you, for the whole family's sake

if he was wanking to himself then why would he feel the need to do that on a different phone? Presumably he now has a phone with a camera? Most people who snoop on their partner's phones look at the call history and the message history. So if it was just pictures why would he feel the need to use a different phone?

Do you have a video camera? or a digital camera with video clip facility?

I'm sorry but it just doesn't make sense that he would use a different phone purely for making videoes of himself when he probably has a camera/camcorder/current mobile phone with video facility.

No having multiple simcards does not necessarily indicate multiple affairs, but when one is already a proven lier, having multiple simcards certainly raises the suspicion level on that score IMO.

Or could he be involved in something illegal?

illegal in what way

He has a video camera on his usual phone and I searched thro every file. Just pics of me, the kids and friends. Nothing pornographic.

I agree wannabe, it doesn't make sense. Why use a different phone, with the charger in the garage - again he cudn't really explain why he was charging that phone in the garage, wen he chargers his usual phone in the hse.

I need to find my digital camera to see if i can load these memory cards.

Apparently, if you get any of the sims to work the way to check if there are any messages stored on the sim is to go to messages and then press options, then sim messages. The options before 'sim messages' will be 'create message' 'connect' 'disconnect'... just so you'll know if you're in the right menu. If there are any messages in 'sim messages' you will have to move them back to the normal messages part of the phone. You need to go to options, mark and mark the messages you want to move then go to options, move.

Have you checked the message 'outbox' ? This is for messages that have been created but not sent yet or have failed to send. Worth a shot.

The file manager is in menu, tools then 'file manager'. I think you said you alredy went in to 'manager' but just checking it was the same place.

If you are trying out memory cards DON'T select the option 'format memeory card' if it comes up, this will delete all that is on it.

Thats all I can think of so far.

If the memory card fits the adapter or one of the slot on the computer then it will either come up with a box on the screen asking how/in what program you want to open the files OR if it doesn't go to the windows symbol at the bottom left then select 'computer', then on mine it has a section that says 'devices with removable storage' and has the memory card there, you just click on it to open it up.

Hi, just going thro the sim cards again and checking the sim messages.

I've inserted the adapter card into the laptop, but I can't seem to bring anything up on the screen.

the memory cards do not, unforunately, fit into my digital camera.

who knows fb.

Prostitution? drugs? something that would mean he would be conducting business in the garage in secret?

nothing..i can't seem to bring it up and its not being recognised by my computer. there is no icon appearing in the task bar.