Am I being paranoid?

[nanog]

Last Fri at abt 5pm DH was about to get into the shower. He started to have a shave and I told him I was going out to meet a friend for a quick drink. I'd be back in an hour. DS1 and DS2 were both at home with him.

On my way to meet my friend, I recieve a txt from her to say she can no longer meet, so I turn the car round and go home. I was back home in 5min. As I enter the house, I see the kids both playing. I opened the bathroom door to pop my head round and say hello to DH, but DH wasn't there.

I searched every room and he was nowhere to be seen. The back door to the garden was wide open and so was the garage door. I entered the garage and he was sat naked, half shaven with a phone i've never seen before.I asked him what on earth he was doing sitting stark naked in the garage, in a jokey way. He said nothing and I'm just so confused by then that I didn't know what else to say to him. I also noticed a phone charger plugged into a socket in the garage.

I started to piece together things that have happened, like how he spends a lot of time in the garage when he returns from work each day. I always assumed he was putting his tools away, but now i'm thinking otherwise.

I'm questioning why he would need another (secret) mobile phone. i can only think the worst right?

It was bugging me all weekend so last night I asked him about the phone. He told me its a very old phone he used to own and someone at work told him he could enter a code and then make free calls from it. I questioned further whether it actually worked and he said he tried, but got cut off. I said how gr8 it would be to have a phone wher we wouldn't have to pay for calls, but he said that he didn't think it was possible. more like he didn't want me to see the phone right?

Since I saw the phone in the garage on the fri, he has hid it. I can't find it anywhere. He doesn't leave it around like his other mobile phone. Why would he hide this from me?

I've never felt this way before. We've been married for 10 years. Should I be suspiscious? Is he upto something and how do I find out?

i tried moving the sim messages on one of the sim cards and there was just 1 text from orange - an update dated 2004. however, the date on the phone is not correct anyway, so the date is probably not accurate.

The default pin is 1111, try that on the sims that ask for a pin, only try once though, you don't want to block them if he's changed it.

if a pay as you go sim has been inactive for a period of time then often it is automatically deactivated by the network. I know i had this recently with an old phone which i found and gave to FIL whose phone had broken. The phoen itself didn't work on the sim that was in it (was a virgin phone) but when I put fil's sim in it it worked fine.

I never consciously told virgin I no longer wanted a phone with them, I just went out and bought a new phone and that one got stuck in a drawer somewhere.

So it's possible he's had these sims for a period of time and they just don't work any more.

I've just tried 1111 and it said code error. Damn!

which would indicate that he hasn't used these specific sims for a period, and that there may be others?

i know this is personal but, did you have an arranged marriage? You say that divorce is frowned upon in your culture (asian) thing is, arranged marriage is very common too. If you had an arranged marriage did you actually have feelings for one another or are you married because this is what your culture expects? if the latter, is it possible he has developed feelings for someone else?

can you ring your phone with the phone you took from him? That way you at least get the number... or does it not work like that?

Withthe number maybe you could call the company and say you are his wife and ask for an itemised bill on his behalf?

beanieb but the phone would need to have a sim in it, and every sim is unique.

However, you could try ringing orange customer services and giving them the emie number that's on the back of the phone and ask if this phone is currently active?

Whenever you activate a sim you have to give the emie number so orange will know whether a number has recently been activated on it.

imei number even

Orange would need to get permission from DH to allow me any access to the account.

wannabe - my marriage was part arranged thro friends, but in no way forced.we both had the option to say yes or no. but we decided we'd see each other for a while, before we made any decision. That was quite a radical thing to do of its time, but after 3 months we both decided yes. We were both so young wen we married (20) and we've both changed, but we've always been so solidly together. always doing things together, planning future and our 1st house purchase together. why wud he jeorpidise that?

if he really thinks he can get away with a shag (meaningful or not) then i know our marriage is ova and my family wud completely back me up. My bro's would definitely not stand for it. DH is soooo well respected. I've been so fortunate really, cz I see so many dossers and druggies that spend most of their earnings on alcohol and going out with mates. DH has never been like that. Is there such a reason as, just wanting to experiment or maybe he's never really rebelled (i know his parents are very strict, he's an only son, so they totally controlled his life and didn't quite have liberal upbringing that i had)

I think the arranged marriage question is a red herring, regardless of whether a marriage is arranged or you were madly in love when you married, it is possible to subsequently develop feelings for other people, MN threads on the relationship forum can vouch for that.

The arranged marriage thing really makes me angry, because ex tried to use it to his advantage, the first thing the police officers asked me was 'I understand you had an arranged marrige', well yes 'arranged' ie not forced!! One does actually geto t meet and speak with ones future husband, and one does have a say in whether one wishes ot be married ot the person.

It's pretty much impossible to predict if a man/woman is going to go on and have an extra-marital affair/beat the crap out of you in front of your children/throw your cooked food on the floor because it's not what he wanted etc etc just by looking at them.

OK hijack over as you were.

Ah he must have set his own pin on those sims then. It's unlikely Orange will give you info if you call as they'll just say the phone is not in your name and won't want to breach data protection by gonig in to his account, unless you are named on the account as a third party user that is but he would have had to of set that up.
If he has a pay as you go sim though it will be totally seperate from his contract and will be linked to a pay as you go account which is a seperate dept to contract phones. He might have registered the pay as you go sim in his name but you don't always have to, sometimes the shops where you buy the pay as you go sim just register the sim for you in an annonimous name then you can ring up later to add your details to the account, if you want to.
If you wanted to find out the number you would have to find the sim he was using, put that in the phone then call yourself. Any other sim will just show a different number.

"beanieb but the phone would need to have a sim in it, and every sim is unique. "

oh - I thought there was a sim in it? Or am I getting really confused?

well a lot of men do have midlife crises, when they go off and do their own thing, have affairs or start drinking, buy a motorbike, you know, just do something they wouldn't ordinarily do, so it's possible he could be going through something like that?

Fuzzywuzzy but a lot of people have this reaction to arranged marriages A because it's something totally incomprehensible to those people who met their partners, got to know each other and then decided to marry them rather than having their partners chosen for them by family, and B, forced marriages do exist. But they're not called forced marriages they're arranged marriages in the cultural sense of the term, so for someone who knows little about arranged marriages it's easy to jump to the conclusion it's a forced marriage when all you know about arranged marriages is the stories you hear in the press about girls being forced to go to other countries to marry, and of the honour killings that happen if they refuse to go through with it, thus bringing the name of the family into disrepute.

wannabe, I can completely see how an arranged marriage is an alien concept in todays english society, but I also think that the readiness to jump to the media stereotype of arranged marriages when an woman seeks help from within her marriage is very dangerous.

In my case I was more than able to put my point across and allay the police's initial fears, but had I been even a bit less fed up with my situation or wavering between getting myself help, the officers question would have terrified me into going right back to my ex, because I was faced with the very real fear that the police would then go knocking on my parents door and accusing them of all sorts. My poor parents have never wanted anything more than for their children to be happy and healthy.

Arranged marriages are most definitely not forced marriages, altho arranged marriages may seem archaic to most british people, it's a practical way of finding ones partner, one of my friends only complaints about her arranged marriage was that she found her husband too soon, the being dined and spoilt by prospetive suitors was great fun.

I am not sure how this being an 'arranged' marrieage is relevant TBH. At least not so far as his odd behaviour is concerned.

I agree with beanieb, I don't think it's relevant that it's an arranged marriage. OP is married and how that came to be is probably irrelevant when it comes to a situation such as this. He shouldn't be deceiving her no matter what the circumstances.

Say it is just that he likes to watch himself pull one off (which I do not think is the case, for the record), he knows it is causing his wife upset so he should have the decency to sit down and explain to her, she has asked on several occasions what the deal is.

And I don't think he'd make such a big deal out of hiding his phone and then give it to OP if it was that he has wanky vids on his phone... because why wouldn't he just delete them before he gave her it? He had the phone hidden for long enough.

He obviously thought he'd deleted all evidence of what he's hiding. I think that was just a minor slip up and the real evidence has been deleted.

I think the arrange marriage thing is irrelevant too. I've never felt so insecure as I do now. I'm gonna have to explain to him how I feel and how if I don't get any serious answers from him then I'll have no option other than to leave. If I was to go and spend some time with my family, he may realise how serious I am about the entire situation.

I've tried and failed getting any further information from this SIM card. I can't dial any number from it, because it says SIM registration failed, so there is no network coverage.

Did you mean put the sim card into my usual phone? won't the same thing happen again? Or did you mean take my sim card out and put it into his phone? Its getting quite confusing.

Will the SIM reader pick up the SIM card data despite the PIN code and PUK codes?

so, i've just put my SIM into the 6600 phone. I dialled the house phone. I did 1471 and it came up as my number.

Anyway, the home screen now shows various options.
Select access point:
Connection
Connection (01)
Connection (02)
Connection (03)
02 Prepay MMS
o2 Prepay MMS (01)
O2 prepay WAP
o2 prepay WAP (01)

I have never seen these options. not even on my usual phone. What does this mean?

Do you think he has been taking his usual phone sim card and inserting it into this 6600 phone?

I'm not sure what the sim reader will be able to get, i've never personally used one or seen one.
The sims that say sim reg failed I think are just old ones. It has to be an active one he's been using which would either be one asking for a pin or one you haven't found yet.
Yeah, if you put your sim in and ring your home phone it will come up as your number as the mobile phone number is attached to the sim.
The options on the screen at the moment are something to do with going on the mobile internet. It's probably asking you what connection settings you want to use to access the internet.
Although it's a bit strange it has O2 settings on there, that may suggest the phone has had an O2 sim in it but that could only be the case if it was unlocked so different sims can be used in it. Do you know anyone who has another netowrk sim card you can try in it to see if it is unlocke to all networks?

Looks like he's probably using an o2 prepay sim then? Have you checked his wallet for a sim card?

I too, thought that was strange. I think he's using o2 pay as you go. He's being clever by not leaving a trace / log that is connected to Orange. We've been with Orange for years and I maybe set up as a third party user on his account, which means I could access it, if required. So i suspect he'd use a pay as u go with a different network. Its definitely this phone he has used, because of the video files located on the memory card.

Everyone i know is on Orange or Vodafone.

Alexa, will know the answer to the SIM card reader question. She's quite the expert on this.

thanks for helping.

Is his PAYG sim card an 02 one?

Can you sign him up to 02 Bluebook without him knowing?

This stores an online backup of all text messages and photo messages to an online folder.

KM - I've been his wallet for top up cards. Locating the SIM card is going to be soooo difficult, cz its so small. I will check again tonight.

Everyone's different but i couldn't carry with life as normal while he is treating you like a fool. Just tell him the relationship is over till he tells you everything. No-one sits in the garage naked to make calls. No chatting, no getting on with things, no family visits, no sex, nothing till he tells you and give a time limit, i'l wait a week and then i'm leaving. You want to wait for evidence, what if you never get it? I think you will be waiting forever and he is gonna say i don't know till you give in.

Well said Tab1